Only 2 of us actually stepped out on Saturday – Me and Caroline to her (attempted) photo shoot with KBG Photography – but Little Evan asked to sit with the baby while we were taking her picture so he gets to be included.

Don't mind the HORRIBLE chair - it's where to dog sits so it's reeeeeally gross.

Caroline:

Dress – Vintage from when I was a baby (I think of it as her Little Pookie dress, because of the blue elephants)(99% of you have no idea what that means)(also, I know the elephants are green but their wings are blue)(please move on now)

Leggings – Old Navy

Little Evan:

Shirt – Gymboree

Jeans & Shoes – Target

Mama:

Dress – H&M

Nursing Tank (that I was hoping wouldn’t show because I look like a SLOB) – Glamour Mom

Belt – Charlotte Russe

Cardigan – Old Navy

Ridiculous tights that only cost $2.50 so I thought I’d try them & Boots – Target

Tiny amethyst earrings – Vintage from a garage sale

Adorable poppy hair clip you can’t see – Uff Da!

Dirty old boots I couldn’t crop out of the photo – E

And a little reality check - This is what 90% of the photos E takes for these posts look like.

So about the tights. It turns out I only like bright colored tights in theory – when they’re on my legs I feel conspicuous and silly. Luckily/unluckily, I already ripped a hole in these with one of my toenails (note to self: get pedicure) so I don’t have to worry about wearing them again. I did buy nice navy blue pair that I think will feel less silly. I also won’t be wearing this dress again until I stop nursing (so, a ZILLION YEARS from now) because I have to take it half way off to get my boob out. Poor planning, Suzanne. Poor planning.

I never participate in Mandy’s weekly SOS style linkys because a) I rarely bother to get dressed these days and b) all my clothes are from Target, which means you probably own them too. Also, I have no style, especially when I’m nursing. Boob-accessible clothing tends to be EVEN MORE boring and unoriginal than my regular jeans-and-sweater combination. What I’m saying is you’re not going to find anything super inspiring here, so just leave now. Go on, get. Stop! Why are you scrolling?!

On Mama:

Shirt, nursing tank & boots: Target

Cardigan: H&M (can I call it “vintage” if it’s from, like, 5 seasons ago?)

Jeans: Old Navy

Headband: Much Love Illy on Etsy

Giant boobs & insanely long hair: Caroline

On Little Evan:

Jean & Shoes: Target

Sweater: Children’s Place (I bought it for my nephew for Christmas last year. It came back in a box of hand-me-downs which is very exciting because I LOVE it.)

On Caroline:

Dress: Uff Da! (And she’s already outgrown it – I need to order a bigger one ASAP!)

Onesie: Carter’s

Leggings: Old Navy (If you need truly infant-sized leggings, that is where to go. These are actually 6-12 month sized but they fit her great!

Booties: Hand knit by my wonderful high-school friend Jen B.

Headband: Allora Handmade

In a far off land, a long long time ago, possibly in another life, I wore a lot of REALLY ugly clothes. And by ugly I mean extreme skimpy and inappropriate for public as well as unfit for human eyes. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.

If anyone ever makes a movie about my life, “It seemed like a good idea at the time” would be the tag line on the posters for both high school AND college.

Most of the blame falls on a) being 19 b) losing a lot of weight and suddenly being about to FIT into extremely skimpy clothing and c) being a regular at a bar where a fake velvet cheetah print bell bottom unitard was considered perfectly normal attire. Did I mention this bar also had a disco ball shaped like a saddle? And that it was not just a bar but a country line dancing night club? Where I was not only a regular but once asked to take part in a “Girls of Neon Moon” charity calendar?

Are you going to stop laughing soon? I’ll wait while you go put on dry pants.

FOR THE RECORD: The calendar never happened. So stop Googling.

ALSO FOR THE RECORD: I met E at that bar. And married him mostly for his line dancing skills.

As part of our current home renovation, we needed to make room in the storage half of the attic for all the junk we need to get out of the living space half of the attic. Since I am the kind of person who Has A Hard Time Getting Rid Of Things, I found three giant tubs full of clothes I have kept for far far too long. Some are just too small (I gave them to my friend Megan who has lost like a zillion pounds and wears tiny midget sizes now), some are just out of fashion (I donated them to Goodwill), and some are so terrifically awful I kept them just to take pictures.

I present for your mocking pleasure – The black sparkly mirrored pants:

I think I mentioned before they were a size 5. Turns out they’re actually a 7. But they’re a 7 the same way fat free mayonnaise is actually mayonnaise. NOT AT ALL.

Now, you may be asking yourself “What does one wear with such lovely, lovely pants?” So I present, the matching shirt.

Still not convinced it’s a shirt?

Sigh.

Fine.

P.S. For the record, don’t expect awesome vintage pictures with future bad fashion posts. They all seem to have gotten lost somewhere between my college apartment and this house. But boy am I going to hold this against my kids some day – LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY RUINED!

THIS HAS BEEN…Extreme Moments in Bad Fashion!