The loud noise is coming from my baby. The background noise is his father encouraging it.

Before I was a mom I thought the idea of signing with your kids was sort of silly. I mean, shouldn’t a one year old be focusing on learning WORDS instead of waving his hands around to tell you he needs his diaper changed? But now I have a kid, and my kid has NEEDS. Needs and WANTS. He wants things like the one specific block that’s over there. No, there. NO. THERE. NOOOOOOO NOT THAT ONE THE ONE WITH THE DOG HAIR NO NO NOOOO WAAAAAAAAAAH. And then there’s the frantic shirt pulling and grabbing when he wants to nurse. I’d really rather he learn the sign for “milk” than continue to do what can only be described as motorboating my boobs when he’s hungry (Dear Mom, please don’t ask what that means).

So on Thursday, Baby Evan and I started our Sign, Say & Play class with Miss Amy at Papoose. It’s a small class and I have to admit part of why I signed up was I already know the three other moms participating. I think they’re super awesome and my goal is to end up as more than just class friends. It’s definitely easier to stalk them at an organized group than by “accidentally” bumping into them in their driveway. AHA JUST KIDDING. Getting caught in someone’s driveway is a rookie stalker move. And now they think I’m nuts. Great job, weirdo.

Baby Evan is actually a little young to mimic any of the signs yet but I’m hoping that an early start will get us on the right track. He is…a hard child to keep focused. It doesn’t help that he spends most of the hour crawling towards the far corners of the room as fast as possible and refuses to sit anywhere near the group circle. He is a really, really, REALLY active child – his favorite game is “Attack of Babyzilla” where I lie on the floor and make “oh no you’re so strong!” noises while he climbs all over me – and shows no interest in slowing down for cuddles, let alone long enough to learn hand motions. Luckily, E is on board with the signing so Baby Evan is getting reinforcement from both parents any time he wants “more” or “milk” or is “all done” (Can you tell our first week was food/feeding signs?) We have five more weeks of class as well as a book and a DVD my friend Amanda gave me to work through, so my goal is to know all the signs we might use on a daily basis (hungry, bed, wet, dog, cat, more, milk, please, thank you, mama, dada, etc.) (no, not the SIGN for et cetera, just more every day signs I can’t think of right now) (I wonder if there even is a sign for et cetera) before Baby Evan is a year old. Then I have to remember to USE THEM.

Do you sign with your baby? How old were they when they “got it?”

Baby Evan was born on Sunday, April 5th and every Sunday since I’ve taken a picture to mark one more week of growth. Since it took 40 weeks (and 5 days) to grow the baby, I thought 40 weeks was a good point to put together a slide show of his life so far.

(Confession: I’m also getting really bad about taking a photo on the right day and figure I’d better do this before I totally forget a week and he notices some day. Like, “Hey Mom, why are weeks 46 and 51 missing from my baby book?” “Well Son, that’s because Mommy didn’t love you as much once she had to live with you for that long.” KIDDING.)

(Warning: I got all fancy with my slideshow so there’s music in the background. Make sure you mute your speakers if you’re someplace where watching baby photo slideshows isn’t part of your job description. Or if country music makes your ears bleed.)

(Also, apparently I’m too stupid to figure out how to embed a slideshow in my site so you’ll have to click through to view it. I’ve spent every nap time for the past TWO DAYS trying to figure this out and it’s time to just call it good enough despite my overwhelming desire to redo the whole thing with a FOURTH program. I also don’t want my kid’s first words to be “work dammit!” So you’ll just have to click.)

From 40 Weeks of Baby Slideshow

Weight: 22 lbs on the dot (above average)
Height: 28 1/2 inches (average)
Head circumference:  46 cm (above average, “Which is good” my pediatrician said, “so he doesn’t look like a weirdo. Because his weight is above average too.”)

We had a different doctor today, one I had never met before but I immediately liked based solely on the fact that he shares a name with a certain TV sitcom paleontologist. Let’s call him Dr. G. I thought about asking how Rachel was doing but figured it wasn’t good to piss off the guy in charge of sticking my baby with needles. Alas, it didn’t do me any good since he still suggested we finish Baby Evan’s Hep B series AND talked me into the H1N1 shot. You know I was on the fence about it back in October at his 6 month appointment but it became a moo point (like a cow’s opinion)  when the office didn’t have their doses yet. But after The Great Sickness of 2009 (which I’m not totally convinced WASN’T H1N1) I’ll do anything to keep Baby Evan from suffering though another week of misery.

Besides his name, I also liked Dr. G based on his total support of breastfeeding. He said he knew my lactation consultant well, referred new moms to Papoose for support all the time and used to be very active in La Leche League. His own wife nursed their children until they were 2 1/2 and he said as long as I was happy doing it I should definitely continue nursing Baby Evan past a year.  Instead of asking “Where does the baby sleep?” he just asked “How’s the baby sleeping? Do you lay him down on his back?” And hold on to your hats, AP mamas, but he also said bed-sharing was a great idea as long as E and I were comfortable with the situation. He and his wife bed-shared until their son was FOUR (although the story he then told about kicking his son out after he vomited ON HIS FACE one night made me pretty glad Baby Evan likes his crib). He’s my new favorite doctor at the practice and I’m going to make a point of asking for him in the future.

In other news, the trauma of being stuck with TWO GIANT ENORMOUS MASSIVE SHARP HORRIBLE PAINFUL POISON-COATED NEEDLES disrupted Baby Evan’s sleep patten enough that he woke up twice last night. It may also have been because we forgot to feed him any solids yesterday (oops) so he needed the calories. I will not make the same mistake again today, and plan to offer a six-course baby meal tonight (sweet potato, avocado, applesauce, teething biscuit, baby cheese puffs and yogurt) so he’ll be nice and full at 7 pm. Mama likes her sleep.

So after a week of night weaning and three full nights of sleep I’m ready to start whining about the opposite of sleep deprivation – no more night time cuddles. (This is where you yell at your monitor for me to just make up my mind already. Go ahead. I’ll still be here complaining when you’re done.) Baby Evan is not a very snuggly baby during the day and he’s MUCH too busy and important to sit quietly in anyone’s lap while they enjoy the babiness of him – wispy hair and chubby knees and the way he squirms just before he gives in to sleep, like he has to get that last bit of energy out so he can rest. Sometimes those night feedings were the only baby love I got all day, so I’m sad he no longer needs me at 2 am. As if I’ve already forgotten the eighty bajillion times I said OMG WHY DOES THIS BABY NEED ME AT 2 AM?? CUT THE CORD CHILD. I think this kind of total insanity is only possible in motherhood.

OK, truthfully it’s not just about the cuddles. It’s also about the totally not funny joke Mother Nature is playing on me and my lady parts. EVEN THOUGH I’m still exclusively breastfeeding, EVEN THOUGH the baby eats the equivalent of one tablespoon of actual solids in a day while throwing 2 cups worth on the floor (yesterday it was sweet potato fries and penne), EVEN THOUGH I’ve gotten exactly three nights of sleep since April 5, 2009, I am now the proud owner of one menstrual cycle.  Thank God I found that box of Tampax in the back of my bathroom closet and also that Tampax doesn’t expire the way that bottle of Robitussin I found next to it did. In 2007. This wouldn’t have happened if I was willing to go another 9 months without any sleep. Geez, what was I thinking?

I’m also a teeny bit worried about my milk supply. It would be crushing to have to supplement at this point, especially since I still don’t have a way to get fluids INTO the baby as he thinks the main purpose of sippy cups is banging them against the floor. I’m back to that newborn oh-God-I-can’t-tell-how-much-he’s-eating-is-fussing-because-he’s-starving???? uncertainty, which is ridiculous at 9 months. I’m probably overreacting. This is probably what normal lactation is like. I’ve gone from being able to put out a medium sized grease fire using only my boobs to having just the amount of milk my baby needs. It’s nice to be able to take off my bra without immediately jumping into a shower or risk causing a flood and drowning the cat. I’m going to love wearing bras with fewer than fourteen hooks in the back and maybe even in a color besides white, flesh or black. But I’ve also heard people say getting their period back was the end of successful breastfeeding. I’d cry for days if I had to stop nursing…so should I start drinking Mother’s Milk tea or what?

P.S. Have I just totally forgotten what normal feels like or is anyone else insanely thirsty during that time of the month? I drank at least a gallon of water (plus 2 sodas, a hot chocolate and a glass of milk) yesterday and I’m as dehydrated as if I’d been licking a block of salt instead. Gaaaaaaaaaaaah.

P.P.S. Crap, I guess this also means I actually have to start doing something to prevent another baby, especially a SOOPRISE BEBEH. Not that I would be crushed if it happened but I am going to be in that wedding in September and I don’t think the adorable, strapless, tea-length dresses the bride has in mind would fit over a 34 week belly. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.