In a far off land, a long long time ago, possibly in another life, I wore a lot of REALLY ugly clothes. And by ugly I mean extreme skimpy and inappropriate for public as well as unfit for human eyes. But it seemed like a good idea at the time.

If anyone ever makes a movie about my life, “It seemed like a good idea at the time” would be the tag line on the posters for both high school AND college.

Most of the blame falls on a) being 19 b) losing a lot of weight and suddenly being about to FIT into extremely skimpy clothing and c) being a regular at a bar where a fake velvet cheetah print bell bottom unitard was considered perfectly normal attire. Did I mention this bar also had a disco ball shaped like a saddle? And that it was not just a bar but a country line dancing night club? Where I was not only a regular but once asked to take part in a “Girls of Neon Moon” charity calendar?

Are you going to stop laughing soon? I’ll wait while you go put on dry pants.

FOR THE RECORD: The calendar never happened. So stop Googling.

ALSO FOR THE RECORD: I met E at that bar. And married him mostly for his line dancing skills.

As part of our current home renovation, we needed to make room in the storage half of the attic for all the junk we need to get out of the living space half of the attic. Since I am the kind of person who Has A Hard Time Getting Rid Of Things, I found three giant tubs full of clothes I have kept for far far too long. Some are just too small (I gave them to my friend Megan who has lost like a zillion pounds and wears tiny midget sizes now), some are just out of fashion (I donated them to Goodwill), and some are so terrifically awful I kept them just to take pictures.

I present for your mocking pleasure – The black sparkly mirrored pants:

I think I mentioned before they were a size 5. Turns out they’re actually a 7. But they’re a 7 the same way fat free mayonnaise is actually mayonnaise. NOT AT ALL.

Now, you may be asking yourself “What does one wear with such lovely, lovely pants?” So I present, the matching shirt.

Still not convinced it’s a shirt?

Sigh.

Fine.

P.S. For the record, don’t expect awesome vintage pictures with future bad fashion posts. They all seem to have gotten lost somewhere between my college apartment and this house. But boy am I going to hold this against my kids some day – LOOK WHAT PREGNANCY RUINED!

THIS HAS BEEN…Extreme Moments in Bad Fashion!

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Emily who had the most adorable daughter ever in the whole wide world. Because her kid was too cute for normal baby clothes, Emily started sewing her custom dresses, bibs, and hair clippies. (Also: WANDS!) When the public saw these adorable handmade goods, they demanded Emily make them available to the rest of us…and thus, Uff Da Designs was born. Now Uff Da has grown to include vintage baby and toddler clothes – something Emily knows quite a bit about, having owned her own vintage shop for several years pre-baby.

I’ve been internet friends with Emily – first on her blog and then on The Twitter – for a long long time now. Her daughter, Poppy, is only a few weeks (days?) younger than Little Evan. I could write a whole novel about how Emily is the best person on the internet, but I’ll try to keep this to a reasonable length. She’s super cool, super nice and super super talented.

Check out this baby dress:

FOR BEBEH GIRL! Plus one of Uff Da's trademark poppy clips!

And I’m not even gonna lie – I totally bought one of those poppy clips for my own self, waaaaaay before I was pregnant with #2. Hey, mamas like to be pretty too!

Recently, Emily sent me one of her baby bandanna bibs for Little Evan:

Isn't that orange and blue plaid PERFECT for him?

It’s a bib! It’s a bandanna! It’s functional! It’s a fashion accessory! It’s great for drool! Or milk! Or water! Or just to make your already super cute baby even cuter!

And um………..just in case your baby is a dog:

Please forgive me Emily. I promise never to do it again. Although Brutus thinks he looks super stylish in the bandanna.

If your kid isn’t a ginger like mine, there are tons of non-orange options too. Emily has an amaaaazing eye for vintage-y type fabrics and colors.

I love them all.

And today, Emily is going to give one of my lucky readers a free bandanna bib in your choice of fabric!

All you have to do to enter is visit Uff Da Designs and leave a comment telling me what your favorite item is. So easy! Well, except for the choosing your favorite item part – they’re all amazing. (Did I mention Emily’s totally internet famous now, since Girl’s Gone Child bought one of her clippies? INTERNET. FAMOUS.)

You can also read Emily’s blog, follow her on Twitter or like Uff Da on Facebook, but it’s not required.

Giveaway will be open until November 2nd, winner will be chosen using Random.org and notified via email, so make sure you use a real email address when you comment. Emily said she’s willing to ship anywhere so feel free to enter, my dear Canadian friends!

Giveaway is now closed!

Disclaimer bit: Emily sent me a bib to photograph and review for this post, but I bought the dress & two clippies from her with my own moolah. No additional compensation was received. And she really is the best person on the internet. No one can buy a title like that.

Day 1 is open until November 1st! Enter to win from Allora Handmade here