I totally forgot to mention the World’s Worst Husband from my doctor’s office today. I can only hope he was just a boyfriend, so it will be easier for his girlfriend to leave him once she comes to her senses. I noticed this douche-bag in the waiting room, complaining that it was quarter-after and their appointment was for 10 am, so why were they still waiting? Because babies are unpredictable, genius. Sometimes the doctor you’re supposed to be seeing is bringing a new life into the world two floors up. Keep your pants on. No, really, get a belt, you’re way too old for that look. After I was examined I had to wait for the nurse to give me a Rhogam shot so I was counting ceiling tiles when I heard the yelling. Apparently, WWH’s very pregnant wife was annoying the crap out of him. He didn’t give any details as to what was so annoying, but screaming “SHUT THE F*CK UP YOU ANNOYING BITCH!” made his feelings pretty clear. He ranted for a few minutes before one of the nurses decided that wasn’t really the appropriate way to talk to…anyone, and asked him to please knock it off. WWH didn’t really appreciate that, but screaming about how it’s “HIS DAMN BABY” didn’t do any good once the very large male doctor came to see what was wrong. I felt like applauding when they threw him out.

Seriously dude, I don’t care if your wife just called you the ugliest, stupidest, most worthless man-child on the planet, the OB’s office is not the right place for all that noise.

Since I was so brave at my 8 am lab visit AND my 10 am doctor’s appointment – both of which involved very large tiny but still painful needles – I treated myself to a mani-pedi. It was heavenly, especially the part where my nail tech put my shoes on for me so I didn’t have to bend over. I wanted to offer her the job long term but can’t afford to match the benefits she gets now.

My appointment was very unexciting. The doctor poked me in the stomach and said it feels like the baby is already head down in preparation for birth. She could hear his heartbeat the loudest below my belly button which is also a sign he’s facing the right way. I feel like he deserves a reward for being such a good, smart baby who is NOT going to make his mommy have a c-section. I think he’d like ice cream.

I also got a gold star for my weight, which is holding steady at about 210 lbs. God bless my nurse though, who sets the scale at 150 every single time and acts surprised when she has to bump it up another big step. I’m hoping to be one of those women who loses 20 lbs when the baby (and the…other stuff) comes out. I will feel more hopeful about losing the cheeseburger-related weight after one big drop at the beginning.

Tonight we going to an infant-care class at the hospital. I think E and I are severely lacking in baby experience and we will both feel better after a little refresher course. Babies are complicated – when you’ve got stuff coming out every hole, how do you know which end the diaper goes on?