I am enjoying the CRAP out of having a 2 1/2 year old right now. A lot of the time with kids, they have SO MANY NEEDS that you expend all your energy fulfilling them and don’t have any left over for fun stuff like playing trains or teaching them to fist-bump-then-blow-it-up or reading The Napping House fifty bazillion times a day. I’ve felt like that a lot over the past year – which is probably the opposite of shocking, seeing as how that’s when I doubled my need-o-meter by adding ANOTHER tiny helpless human to the mix. I’m not saying I haven’t enjoyed anything up until this point, but lately I’ve found myself doing a lot more fun kid stuff instead of parenting stuff. I almost say that I’d be OK with Evan dropping his nap if he wanted (it would free up our schedule SO MUCH!) but I’m not quite there yet. Sometimes I still need a minute to shower, you know?

DID YOU HEAR THAT UNIVERSE? I said DON’T drop the nap yet. DON’T.

I don’t think being exactly 2 years and 8 months old is the deciding factor in enjoying my kid more. I think it mostly has to do with this stage of understanding and development and communication and self-control. I haven’t had to drag him kicking and screaming and crying out of anywhere for almost a month. He understands consequences BEFORE they happen, so I can threaten time out or no games or being sold to a circus without actually having to do it. He has ALL THE WORDS and can tell me what hurts or why he’s sad or what he needs without screaming at me. He can be reasoned with. And since we’re using our words when we’re angry, we’re also using our words when we’re sitting on the couch or riding in the car or watching TV or making dinner. He asks “whachu doin’, Mommy?” Yesterday I told him I was making a pinata for Caroline’s party. He looked it up and down, and then said “AWESOME Mommy! High five!”

How can you NOT love that kid?

I think the reason babies are born helpless and wordless and unable to sass back is to give new parents a chance to practice their patience before they’re required to actually PARENT. When you come home with an infant you quickly learn important baby-care skills such as how to get dressed while holding a baby in one arm, reading lips on tv because the baby is sleeping and you don’t want to risk turning up the volume, and taking 30 second showers. But Baby Bootcamp lasts only a few months and doesn’t include what to do when your child steals a toy from someone else’s child and then smacks them in the head with it. And then laughs. That requires discipline, something I am definitely still learning.

Yesterday at play group Baby Evan had a pushing incident with one of his friends. Shockingly, he was the victim instead of the aggressor but it’s only a matter of time before Babyzilla attacks become an international concern.

(Recreation of said incident:)

I’m very lucky that watching the moms I know with their kids is like taking a master class in patient parenting. They say stuff like “let’s make a good decision” and “what do you think will be the consequences of your actions?” and “put your eyes on my eyes while I’m talking to you”. I was secretly laughing at that kind of talk – does a 2 year old really understand consequences? – until the 2 year old understood the consequences. And another kid shared all her toys nicely. And no one screamed when Baby Evan stole their sippy cup (because my child is the worst behaved one) (mostly because he’s only 9 months old) (we’re working on it).

I’m hoping both the good parenting and the good behavior will start to rub off on us. Nobody wants to be the pariah of the playgroup or have a kid who doesn’t get invited to birthday parties. Because those kids grow up to be assholes. And then everybody blames their mothers.