$0 Spring Wreath

I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Sticks. Trash. Should be thrown away or at the very most turned into mulch.

I was out in the garden this week, cutting back a stupid useless vine of some sort that keeps trying to grow up the side of our house and stuffing it into a trash can to haul out to the dump. I looked at the bendy, twiggy vine all curled up in the can and thought “hey, it looks kind of like a wreath.” And then instead of doing the TOTALLY NORMAL PERSON THING and throwing it away I cut a few more branches, dragged them inside, trimmed them up and made a damn wreath.

I started with some long ones and just twisted them together. I used an extra thin twig to tie the ends.

By hand. With sticks. Sitting on the floor of my living room. When I could have been doing something useful like knitting or blogging or picking my toenails.

Then I twisted different sized twigs around and tucked in the ends until it was wreath-sized.

Oh but I didn’t stop there. I dragged out my craft box and glue gun and the felt flowers I made last year and decorated that bitch right up.

Junk I keep in a box for moments like this where I lose my mind.

I started with some ribbon and tulle and yarn, because those look nice on a wreath, right?

I really half-assed it on the bow

Then I used the glue gun to attach some felt leaves and flowers.

Hot glue: the lazy crafter's best tool

And because, hey, naptime lasts forever right? I’ve got all the time in the world to waste! I stitched up couple of little buds to fill in the gaps.

Just makin' it up as I go

A little more hot glue, a loop of ribbon for a hanger and BOOM. My front door has been spring-ified for exactly zero dollars.

Too bad I made a brown wreath for a brown door. Stupid.

Take your $6 stick wreath and SHOVE IT, craft store. Ain't got nothin' on me.

And that’s the end of today’s craft project. I’ll be in the kitchen, drinking wine straight from a bottle and wondering when my life became so boring this is what I do for fun.


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7 Responses to “$0 Spring Wreath”

  1. Cole says:

    You wreath looks awesome – Mimmy’s a little amazed by your super-craftiness!

  2. FourInchHeels says:

    This, dear Suzanne, is why I read your blog like it’s my job. Crafts, I can get anywhere …. snarky commentary about your work as the photos progress? Priceless.

  3. TMae says:

    But it’s SO.DAMN.CUTE.

  4. Brigid Keely says:

    I grew up in an unincorporated area that abutted a lot of forest preserve/undeveloped land. My mom and I used to take walks where we’d cut wild grape vines. Then we’d take them home and make wreaths. I have no idea what happened to them… did she give them away as gifts? Sell them at Church Fairs? No idea. But they were mostly just plain grape vine wreaths with the idea that whoever owned them could decorate them for any season.

    Thanks for reminding me of something I’d almost forgotten. :) Your wreath is very cute.

  5. Natalie says:

    Cute! We grew up making these with the grape vines around my cousin’s farm. They hold up well & my mama still has one that I made as a kid. They’re great at Christmas too, just wrap some white lights around it or put a big red bow on it. Makes it fancy or something.

    The only downside to making these is that the vines would come out and slap you in the face/arm/thigh/etc. if you didn’t tuck them in tight enough. Lots of odd red welts would adorn my body after a weekend of making these.

  6. Nicole says:

    Ok I almost never comment on blogs I link over to but yours is so great and so FUNNY I just had to. Love your hilarious commentary about your own projects. :) The wreath is really pretty btw!

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