This morning, after a 6 am feeding in bed, a two hour doze session, another cuddly feeding and an hour of laughing and playing, baby Evan suddenly started PUKING BLOOD. My burp cloth was covered in red and brown streaks and I was flipping out. (He, on the other hand, seems to find it hilarious, and isn’t the least bit upset.) I checked my nipples to make sure it wasn’t coming from me. His diapers look totally normal. He isn’t teething yet and doesn’t have any cuts on his gums. And since he still won’t take a bottle or even a pacifier the only things that go in his mouth are my boobs.

After an emergency call to the nurse and a visit with the pediatrician, it turns out…no one has any freakin’ clue whats wrong. The doctor tested the spit-up – since the baby was helpful enough to puke right in the middle of the exam – and yes, it is definitely blood. But he said he’s never seen such a chubby, healthy, happy baby do anything like this before. He used the word “puzzled”. Then he used the word “specialist”. I’m sitting here pumping (to prove the blood isn’t coming from me) and waiting for the doctor to call with suggestions.

I would be freaking out a lot more if the baby was even the tiniest bit upset. So far he’s been eating and sleeping and napping and burping right on schedule – except now with blood! I’m hoping the specialists have helpful, reassuring advice so I can put the thoughts of Ebola and stomach cancer and holes in his intestines out of my head. Damn, I KNEW my baby was too easy.

p.s. To add to the fun, Baby Evan just had his first giant poopsplosion all over his legs, back, shorts, and car seat. It also appears to contain the same brownish blood streaks as the spit-up. OMG IT IS EBOLA.