I don’t even know who I am anymore.

Sticks. Trash. Should be thrown away or at the very most turned into mulch.

I was out in the garden this week, cutting back a stupid useless vine of some sort that keeps trying to grow up the side of our house and stuffing it into a trash can to haul out to the dump. I looked at the bendy, twiggy vine all curled up in the can and thought “hey, it looks kind of like a wreath.” And then instead of doing the TOTALLY NORMAL PERSON THING and throwing it away I cut a few more branches, dragged them inside, trimmed them up and made a damn wreath.

I started with some long ones and just twisted them together. I used an extra thin twig to tie the ends.

By hand. With sticks. Sitting on the floor of my living room. When I could have been doing something useful like knitting or blogging or picking my toenails.

Then I twisted different sized twigs around and tucked in the ends until it was wreath-sized.

Oh but I didn’t stop there. I dragged out my craft box and glue gun and the felt flowers I made last year and decorated that bitch right up.

Junk I keep in a box for moments like this where I lose my mind.

I started with some ribbon and tulle and yarn, because those look nice on a wreath, right?

I really half-assed it on the bow

Then I used the glue gun to attach some felt leaves and flowers.

Hot glue: the lazy crafter's best tool

And because, hey, naptime lasts forever right? I’ve got all the time in the world to waste! I stitched up couple of little buds to fill in the gaps.

Just makin' it up as I go

A little more hot glue, a loop of ribbon for a hanger and BOOM. My front door has been spring-ified for exactly zero dollars.

Too bad I made a brown wreath for a brown door. Stupid.

Take your $6 stick wreath and SHOVE IT, craft store. Ain't got nothin' on me.

And that’s the end of today’s craft project. I’ll be in the kitchen, drinking wine straight from a bottle and wondering when my life became so boring this is what I do for fun.