Smile! I'm an idiot!

Today is my last day in the office. I wasn’t expecting to leave so soon but the company’s trying to cut costs and I guess having someone here to answer the phone isn’t a priority. I might be a little sad, but I know in my heart they’re going to be reeeeeally sorry. They have no idea how much crap I take care of when no one else is here, but I’m going to be too busy sitting on my couch eating bonbons to care.

Since I’m going to have so much free time on my hands I’ve been thinking about volunteering. Lord knows there are plenty of places in my community that could use me, I just haven’t ever actually made a call and committed myself. But this morning I think my mind was made up for me. My office is in a building with a lot of doctors and lawyers. It also happens to be the home of Planned Parenthood. It’s a great location – central to the whole Eastern half of the state, just off the highway, not far from the high school – if it weren’t for the protesters. EVERY DAY these people, sometimes 2, sometimes 10, sometimes more, are out front with their signs, marching up and down the sidewalk. Sometimes they bring their young kids or babies with them, which annoys me on a totally other level.

This morning there was a woman standing right next to my parking space with a sign that almost made me run her over with my car. It has an adorable, chubby cheeked baby with a huge grin and the words say “Smile! I’m a life!” Oh, wait you mean they murder babies at the Planned Parenthood? Well that’s horrible! All you pro-choicers must be evil, baby hating monsters. I bet you kick puppies too. ACK. I wanted to shake her and yell “Women don’t have abortions because they hate cuteness! Women have abortions because people like you take away their access to birth control and sex education!!”

After I get out of work, I’m martching my knock-up butt right down to PP and asking if they need any volunteers. Then I’m going outside to to suggest the protesters go do something that ACTUALLY HELPS CHILDREN, like volunteer at the soup kitchen or become a foster parent. You’ll have to excuse me if I’m not very polite, I’m feeling quite hormonal today.

12 Responses to “Smile! I'm an idiot!”

  1. London_Calling says:

    Wow, I think my mind is blown with the awesomeness of a pregnant volunteer escort (the women who help people walk in past the protesters). That will make me smile all day.

  2. stacyinbean says:

    Such a great idea! I can’t stand those people, you are exactly right! Instead of spending their day outside a PP clinic doing NOTHING for humanity, they could be volunteering at a day care, their child’s school, local shelters, etc. Those people are the worst of humanity because they don’t even see what is wrong with their approach and have no practical solutions.

  3. sarrible says:

    You are excellent. Bring Brutus! I bet protesters are delicious.

  4. myrtlebeachbum says:

    Good on you. My mom served on Planned Parenthood’s local board for years, and it was one of the best things she could have done to teach me about equality, opportunity, and women’s rights. Do it for other women, for yourself, for your child, and for the children – such as!

    And tell that hateful woman there are real, live foster children out there whose needs she could be serving instead of terrorizing other women.

  5. TheDomina says:

    Good for you! I think a pregnant woman helping out PP would be a great thing and really hit home with people!

  6. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Hooray for you!!! These protestors get on my LAST NERVE. Where the hell are they for the REAL LIFE work of infant and child advocacy. They wouldn’t rock a crack baby or give a foster child a bed, they’re drama queens with posterboards!

  7. FF says:

    What a great idea! You are one bad ass pregnant lady. My mom used to volunteer her nursing skills at PP.

    Also, AGreenEyeDevil brought up rocking crack babies: I also highly recommend baby rocking at your local NICU. It’s really rewarding, and I’ve rocked my share of crack babies.

  8. Other Erin says:

    Gah the PP protesters in Boston were so annoying. I had to walk by them on the street to get to class and they would bother me for walking by. I always wanted to ask what about my body looked pregnant or how walking down the block with a PP on it made me a baby killer.

  9. FourInchHeels says:

    @FF – I have a feeling there’s a waiting list at many hospitals to rock babies. It’s a sweet gig for old ladies who don’t have grandbabies to coddle.

    Volunteering at PP is an awesome idea, I really want to start doing it there but my schedule is making that impossible at the moment. It’s a pretty intense application (they make you give references and stuff) but totally worth it. And I think it’d be good for those choice-hating wanks to see someone up the stick working there. What better way to give the protesters the finger than to waddle your preggo belly up to the clinic and show ’em that not EVERYONE who’s pro-choice chooses abortion!

  10. lalaland13 says:

    Woohoo! That’s awesome. I would love to do that, if only I wasn’t in a career that frowns on me having opinions. And I love the idea of a pregnant lady volunteering there. You need one of those “my baby is pro-choice” shirts, ha. Also, one day you should run covered in a red substance and scream your head off. Then as the protesters gawk, say “Ketchup! All over my favorite shirt!”

  11. OMG, those assholes were outside the PP down the street from my house on Friday. They were walking around with their “Pray to End Abortion” signs and it was all I could do not to jump the curb and mow them all down.

    Hooray for you for volunteering! If I had the time, I would, but since I don’t I donate. I know it’s not exactly the same, but it makes me feel better.

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