You know what’s really weird? There are tiny pastel spoons in my silverware drawer. And bibs mixed in with my pot holders. There’s formula next to my coffee maker, baby bottles in my dish cabinet, a car seat by my back door, three high chairs in my dining room, a cradle in my entryway, a co-sleeper in my bedroom, crib sheets in my dryer, itty-bitty washcloths in my bathroom, and a Baby Einstein Discover & Play Entertainer in the corner of my family room. It’s incredibly strange to have all this baby stuff when I still can’t imagine what it’s like to have an actual baby.

Which came first: The horrible cold that led to puking, cramps and frequent runs for the bathroom OR puking, cramps and frequent runs for the bathroom as a sign of early labor, leaving a 9 month pregnant woman tied to her couch and stopwatch, time contractions instead of sleeping?

Ok, so maybe not the oldest question.

As a public service announcement for all pregnant women, please take note. If you are sick – even just a little sick, like coughing or a running nose or a symptom that’s kind of annoying but wouldn’t cause an otherwise healthy person to take a day off or skip a party – STAY THE EFF AWAY. My body is already dealing with one 8 lb parasite, it doesn’t need millions of tiny ones running amok. Thanks bunches.