While catching up on the pregnancy message boards today I came across a discussion of how many outfits you need to bring to the hospital for the baby. I was sort of under the impression that the hospital gave you a little t-shirt, a diaper, and a hat – so WTF do you need outfits for? My baby books suggest weather-appropriate “going home” clothes, so I was going to throw one of the eight million onesies in my bag along with a blanket in case it’s extra cold. But some of these women are bringing four different changes of clothes for a child that is less than 72 hours old, including a formal outfit for pictures and PJ’s for visiting hours.Y’all, it’s a newborn baby. Not only does it not NEED four different outfits, what kind of person looks at an infant and says “Sure your baby is cute but what is it wearing? That color is totally unflattering and that diaper makes its butt look big”.

Dear Baby Evan,

I’m really sorry about that little incident yesterday with the stove. I didn’t mean to almost set you on fire while getting a bowl out of the cabinet above the microwave. Trust me, realizing my belly is leaning against a hot burner wasn’t really fun for me either. But since you find it amusing to see just how far you can stretch my stomach in the few weeks you have left, I have to warn you something equally unpleasant might happen again. I may, for example, accidentally stab you with a pair of scissors while trying to cut open the plastic packaging on one of the baby shower gifts. Although that seemed to hurt me more than you. I mean, it WOULD. Hypothetically, of course. So in conclusion, to avoid any more belly accidents I think you may want to consider making an appearance ASAP. I promise not to set you on fire.

Love and Kisses,
Mommy