X-Ray Fail

Our doctor’s appointment ended up like some sort of super-unfunny sitcom.  I wouldn’t be surprised to see a similar plot on next week’s Two and a Half Men. Although I’ll shoot heroin into my eyeballs before I watch that show so I won’t actually get to see it.

Although the hospital is less than a mile from the house, I knew enough to leave 30 minutes early so we could figure out exactly where we were going. The nice old lady at the information desk (Oh what a beautiful baby!) sent us up to registration. Ten minutes of staring at an unmanned desk later, a registration specialist (secretary? check-in bitch?) came out and called our name. No I don’t have any paperwork. No I don’t know the baby’s social security number – I didn’t know he needed it as he’s a little young for legal employment. No I don’t know who the appointment is with. Yes I know he’s a beautiful baby. Ten minutes of phone calls and computers and shuffling paperwork later she told us our appointment was actually scheduled for the OTHER outpatient services. Aaaaand now we’re late.

So we strap the baby back in the carrier and drive to the OTHER outpatient services clinic in a strip mall off the highway. The nice old man at the information desk (Oh what a beautiful baby!) guessed that we wanted diagnostic imaging and sent us down to check in. Finally in the right place, another registration specialist checks us in. No I still don’t know the baby’s social security number. Yes we’ll be happy to wait.

We sat down to wait and had a conversation with another (drunk?) patient (Oh what a beautiful baby!), then we were called back to the x-ray room. After a few terrifying moments of staring at this horrible huge heavy scary machinery they want to lower over my child, we decided I would stay outside and E could wear the lead vest and hold the baby. Oh but before we do the x-ray we need the baby to drink this special x-ray stuff, probably full of radiation and poison. Baby Evan is waaaay to smart and decided he was having none of that. Actually, his objection wasn’t so much to the grossness of the liquid as it was to the method of delivery. He was all I DON’T TAKE BOTTLES and the techs were like EVER? Like, EVER? and Baby Evan was all GIMME A BOOB OR I’M OUTTA HERE. Who knew breastfeeding could be a bad thing when it comes to medical tests. So they tried to x-ray him anyway and got a great picture of his ribcage that shows absolutely nothing. But since the blood hasn’t reappeared and the specialist wasn’t too concerned (I’ve never had such a happy patient!) I’m going to officially stop worrying.

Our pediatrician is probably going to call this week with offers of another type of test – possibly a scope – but I think I’ll turn him down. Baby Evan’s 4 month check up is in a couple weeks. If anyone is still concerned at that point we can procede but since I have such a beautiful, happy baby I’m not going to risk turning him into a sick, troubled baby by sticking him with stuff and shoving things down his throat.

No Responses to “X-Ray Fail”

  1. lalaland13 says:

    How do SS numbers for baby work? I thought they started issuing them at birth in 1987 or so, but that doesn’t mean you get them at birth.

    Anyway glad to hear he’s doing OK. And those heavy x-ray vests always creep me out.

  2. sarrible says:

    Yeah, that’s what your husband needs. More radiation.

    Glad to hear the beautiful boy is doing fine, and already too smart to drink that gross x-ray shit.

  3. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Crafty trick on Baby E’s part to side step the barium solution!

  4. bebehblog says:

    Lala – Oh he got one, less than two weeks after we brought him home from the hospital Uncle Sam had the baby on his books. I went and checked the card after we came home and am oddly pleased to see that it starts with the same number as mine.

  5. Brigid Keely says:

    They couldn’t use a syringe to get the barium (I’m assuming it’s barium) down his throat and into him? Huh.

  6. bebehblog says:

    I told them a syringe or a dropper would probably work but they needed him to drink like 5 oz and no one felt like forcefeeding the baby that much one drop at a time.

  7. FourInchHeels says:

    Five ounces?! Sweet mercy that’s a lot for such a tiny little person. Baby made the right call for sure – I’ve had the adult size of that stuff, and it’s vile .. frothy, but not in a good way. Sort of like a lukewarm milkshake that was made earlier this morning and forgotten.

    I’m glad the little guy’s ok and that you both survived the experience :)

  8. stacyinbean says:

    My useless info for the day, Social Security numbers are actually set up to start with the same number depending on where you were born. The country is divided up into 0-9 sections. I think the first three numbers actually have something to do with where you live, I’m guessing you both start with 0’s?

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