Man, is there anything less fun than coming back to your normal, mid-sized, dog hair covered house after a luxury vacation? I have GOT to win the lottery. Or at least start making enough money so I can afford someone to come in and clean up this dog hair once a week. Sheesh.

Sunday:

Tiny bebehs, giant bathtub

Still not enough cheese.

No one can resist Caroline's cuddles

Monday:

Screw you beach house. Screw you and your perfect sunrise.

Dog-hair free. And so so shiny.

At least it was a nice day for driving.

Tuesday:

Crazy ass giant mouse thing at the Natural History Museum

I took approximately 500 pictures of butterflies, so if they all disappear off the face of the earth tomorrow I'M GOOD.

The only thing left on the Missoni accessory rack. I didn't buy it.

Wednesday:

Luggage in my kitchen. Guess how much has been put away as of this morning. (Hint: NONE)

Kisses.

A photo of me editing photos. Aren't you EXCITED?

Thursday:

Blue cheese, bacon, tomato, carmelized onions on sourdough from the fancy grilled cheese restaurant in Mystic.

Toddler table. The cute is out of CONTROL.

Adorable thrifted vintage baby clothes (and handmade headbands) from an AMAZING internet friend. Thank you @heathermbyrd!!

Friday:

First shoes!

Meal planning. It took me three days and I still haven't actually MADE any of them.

New (amazing) lens. I can now take pictures of each of Caroline's eyelashes.

Saturday:

8 am, where else would I be?

Swoopy hair, sleepy face

More wine, less whine.

I plan to spend Sunday napping as much as possible – I feel like I’ve been beaten (thanks to Stroller Strides) and sleep deprived (thanks to a teething baby) and starved (thanks to eating like a fat kid on vacay followed by a return to my diet) – while I thoroughly neglect my children. Luckily they’re pretty self sufficient if you throw a few cheese sticks at them and turn on Nick Jr. I am the best mother EVER.

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

If a genie came out of a lamp right now and offered me 3 wishes, they would all involve going back to the beach house on Kiawah Island and never ever leaving (after the wish for more wishes. DUH.) I would need the extra wishes to cover the bazillion dollars for maintenance and the electric bill and the toilet paper delivery guy. Because people who own beach mansions on gated islands can’t be expected to purchase their OWN toilet paper. If you happen to know of any genies looking for work, please send them my way.

(Totally unrelated side note except for the genie thing: we’re watching Aladdin right now with the kids for the first time as a way to ease back into home life and I am proud to report I can still recite all of it from memory.)

Leading up to this vacation, E was kind of…what’s a nice way to say “suffering from an epic eye-rolling condition?” I would say “Yah the BEACH!” and he would say “Blah, I hate sand.” I would say “I heard they have a fully stocked liquor cabinet!” and E would say “They sell beer in Connecticut.” I would say “It will be so nice to get away!” and he would sigh and say “But we have to drive SO FAR.” He was like Vacation Eeyore.

But besides a few screamy moments from the kids in the car – truly just a FEW and pretty justified on their part after so many hours strapped into carseats – it was the perfect vacation. It took E less than 10 minutes to be totally on board with the whole thing and become Vacation Dora The Explorer. “WOW! LOOK AT THIS POOL! IT IS GREAT! DON’T YOU LOVE THIS POOL? I LOVE POOLS! AGUA!”

I already mentioned that my friends were great with my kids, but it also helped that my kids were REALLY REALLY well behaved. All my (not unreasonable) fears about the toddler escaping the house and falling in the pool or running down to the beach proved unnecessary and he was more than happy to just hang out with whatever adult’s arms were currently empty. And besides the sleeplessness related to a brand new top tooth, Caroline was a tiny ginger angel who did nothing but coo and make doe-eyes at everyone. It FELT like a vacation, even with a 2-to-2 parent-child ratio, which is pretty damn amazing.

This here is the part where I post fifty bazillionty photos of the beach and the beach house and brag until you want to punch me in the face, so if you’re currently in your third straight year of never having a vacation that doesn’t involve sleeping on an air mattress while visiting your in-laws in Tulsa you might want to click away. I would totally hate you for going on this vacation too.

Beach house - front side

Beach House - beach side

Walkway to the beach

Low tide puddle stomping

I'm not sure that couch is big enough.

Floating spiral staircase

Looking up from the ground floor

One of the bedrooms NO ONE USED (There are six total).

The bathroom attached to the bedroom Little Evan used (We put the kids on the top floor to keep them away from the noise but accidentally took the two nicest bathrooms too)

Grow-your-own-train-set capsules with Aunt Sara

Having a very serious football talk with Erin's husband Elliot

Probably going on our Christmas cards

Father/daughter

Fun with our camera remote

Run fast!

I think I'm going to use this one for Caroline's Modern Bird art (minus my Photoshop effect)

We are smiling because the ocean was as warm as bath water

Bird chasing (taken with the super awesome paparazzi lens)

Windblown baby

Is there anything more joyful than a toddler running full speed towards someone who will catch him?

Flying

Pool area, complete with outdoor kitchen, outdoor bathroom and hot tub

Pool time

Someone loves the water

Underwater camera

Little Evan and Sara play "Jaws", where he makes you push him around the pool while he sings the theme song

We'll have her on a surf board by next summer

Is it too soon to start planning to do it again next year?

Besides the crazy amount of driving (WHY can’t Connecticut and Virginia and South Carolina be CLOSER TOGETHER???) this was a great week and continues to be pretty much the very best weekend ever. E.V.E.R.

Sunday:

Ball holder

Poor baby had a rash so we had naked time...and then we had clean the carpet time.

Solo car trip to...it doesn't even matter. Just being ALONE IN THE CAR is such a treat.

Monday:

Smug mug

Family pizza - mine is the one without the GIANT AMOUT OF MEAT

Daddy jungle gym, mommy relaxing. As it should be.

Tuesday:

Grapes and cheese, the official breakfast of baby champions

It was raining at the CSA pickup, but the toddlers STILL played in a bucket of water

I need everyone reading this to tell E that when Kate Spade is 60% off you HAVE to buy it. It's practically in the Constitution.

Wednesday:

Part 1 of the 2 day roadtrip

Sir Toppam Hat And The Train Tracks Of DOOM

OH THE HUMANITY!!!

Thursday:

More driving. Annoyed face.

GET IN MY FACE NOW.

Kiawah Island

Friday:

View from the house where we're staying

Beach house pool. Because, OBVIOUSLY.

Bailey's & Milk and Champagne. Because, WHY NOT?

Saturday:

Nick Jr is still cooler than a fancy beach house

Straight up paparazzi lens we found in a drawer. It's AWESOME.

Good times were had by all.

And now it’s bedtime for toddlers and babies, which means it’s wine-o-clock for mommies and daddies (and the childless friends who have been SO AMAZING and helpful and patient with my babies)

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

Working titles for this post at various points during the weekend include:

I Knew It, Everyone Hates Me

Holy Shit I Won An iPad

Poor Choices In Footwear

Sparklecorn Really Is As Amazing As You’ve Heard

PLEASE LET ME HOLD YOUR BABY

I Knew It, Everyone Loves Me

I’m Never Drinking Again

A Surprising Number of Word Origins Involve Genitalia

Where Are The Damn Cheeseburgers?

I Missed My Kids

and

No One Was Mean To Me

The worst part of the whole weekend was getting there a full day later than most of my friends (they attended a special extra conference day on Thursday) so I missed out on some of the parties swag fun. But the travel gods smiled on me – at least on the way THERE – and I was checked in, freshened up, and hanging with my roommate Molly less than 30 minutes after we landed. WINNING.

Approximately 30 seconds after that, I won an iPad. Yeah, no kidding. There was a booth for RetailMeNot (which I used and love and recommended BEFORE they rocked my socks with the iPad) down at the exhibitor hall and they had one of those money blower tank things – like on Ellen, where you stuff cash in your bra – except you had to stuff Monopoly money through a slot into a little box. I was doing not a very good job and figured I’d be lucky to get $5 and a water bottle when the guy working the booth outside the tank made kind of a funny face and then my 30 seconds was over and when I stepped out he said “I think someone just won an iPad.” ME. ME IS THE ONE WHO WON AN IPAD.

(True fact: I have an iPad. The fate of this one is still up in the air. Go ahead and start sucking up, family members. Christmas is coming.)

Thursday night was a party sponsored by Clever Girls, one of the networks I belong to. I enjoyed the free champagne. I enjoyed it SO MUCH in fact, that I agreed to be in a contest that involved dancing to Smurf This Way (as in Walk This Way changed to be more smurf-friendly). I was smurfing terrible, but my team was awesome.

Me, Jill, Blair, Mae

On Friday I had scheduled myself pretty thin and ended up sort of alone for most of the morning. Ok, so not ALONE – it’s hard to be alone when you’re surrounded by 3,600 bloggers. But besides sitting with Suz in a session and hanging with Amy whenever I got a chance I spent a lot of time anxiously asking if anyone was sitting here and attempting to charm people who instantly forgot my name. I’m proud I put myself out there a little bit, but it took so much energy and courage I felt like I’d been hit by a bus by dinner. Although getting to meet Elmo (the real, no kidding Sesame Street Elmo with a hand up his butt, not some guy in an Elmo suit) and chatting with Morgan were high moments. Morgan wins at being able to talk to someone she barely knows for a full hour without once visibly rolling her eyes at my… uh… enthusiasm.

Sesame Street Session on being more fun on your BLAAAAAHG

My kid is carrying this photo around going "WOOOOOW". I swear to you he doesn't even know who Elmo IS but he can tell I'm special.

P.S. That is totally by baby-snatcher face. I TOLD you I wasn’t cool.

Friday night I went to some parties and drank a little too much and got a hideous (fake) tattoo that said “Bad Girl” and made a fool of myself in a pedicab by not recognizing a famous blogger and then I threw myself at two MORE famous bloggers who were incredibly kind and gracious despite my slightly tipsy state. I also met Maile, the creator of my gorgeous camera bag, during the ONLY MOMENT of the weekend when I wasn’t carrying it. I almost fell over dead and shouted at her about how I LOVED MY BAG and DID SHE SEE THE PICTURE OF MY BABY IN IT? IT WAS ON TWITTER! I TWEETED IT! DID SHE SEE IT?? DID SHE? REMEMBER????

And then, Sparklecorn.

I don't even LIKE sparkly vampires

That's the CAKE. It was 4 feet tall.

I ran up on stage to show off my skillz.You know the phrase "dance as if no one is watching"? THAT.

Me and my ridiculous eyeshadow when I accosted Amalah, my all time favorite blogger. She had a baby approximately 5 minutes ago and was too gorgeous and gracious for words.

And like Amy (who took all these pictures) said, this one sort of sums up the whole night:

That’s Kim, from Dirty Diaper Laundry. She was really fun. And very tolerant of me.

Despite a very very late night (especially considering the time difference) I made it to my 7 am workout with Bob Harper. My thighs are STILL burning. After his session and the Q&A during breakfast it was easy to see why he was picked as a trainer for the Biggest Loser. “Charming” isn’t nearly strong enough of a word – it was more like he glamored all of us into thinking “Wow, I DO want oatmeal for breakfast! And I want to run a 5k! And make better choices!”

Motivating us. With his HOTNESS.

The rest of Saturday was much more chill than Friday. I got my make-up done in the Daisy Cottage Cheese suite and she covered my dark circles with some sort of MAGIC that made everyone tell me I looked great. Then I got a massage and a coupon for a free automatic toilet bowl cleaner thing, both of which made me feel very relaxed. (Because obviously I spend a lot of time stressed about my dirty bowls)(I’m not even joking). I attended a session on being a professional blogger and pretended I was, indeed, a professional blogger. I don’t think I fooled anyone.

Then I went to the Queen Bee Handmade Market, which gets its own post later.

But the best part was dinner, arranged by Eileen, who planned ahead and made reservations for us at The Marble Room where we all got a chance to SIT DOWN and TALK and just really enjoy getting to know a few new people and finally connect with some long-time virtual friends.

The restaurant used to be a brothel. I heard the bathroom was decorated with naked ladies.

Bottom left: Diana and my lovely roommate Molly

By Saturday night it was all I could do to drag myself back home, put on a clean dress and make an appearance at the parties so I could a) see the people I hadn’t yet run into and b) say goodbye to all the women I’m going to miss the crap out of. Then I stuffed my extra suitcase with swag and collapsed into bed so I could get up for the Longest Travel Day Ever In The World. Stupid flight delays.

I think the biggest thing I learned at BlogHer is that no matter what you expect it to be, you will be wrong. In my high-anxiety moments I pictured myself alone in a corner, being totally snubbed by everyone I like online. In my most optimistic moments, I imagined I would be instantly and completely loved by every single person I saw and I would have sponsors throwing free things at me and my amazing blog. I think in the end I made a good impression on a lot of people, made a fool of myself in front of some people, and annoyed a few people. I met half a dozen Super Internet Famous Big Time Bloggers and they were all extremely nice. I met a few people I am shocked I wasn’t ALREADY internet friends with and a lot more I am hoping to bond with during the next 12 months.

Because I am for sure going back in 2012. Leg hugs for everyone. Even Darth Vader.

Just a TEENY TINY percentage of the women I met and hugged and miss now

Sunday:

We went up to Plymouth, Mass to see E's family. Helloooooo lunch.

The Massachusetts relatives live in an old Cape a block from the beach that's FULL of fantastic antiques like this stuff, but still super casual and beachy. I have house envy.

TOTAL MELTDOWN on the way home was temporarily calmed with Mama's iPad.

Monday:

Delicious, healthy, Weight Watchers approved breakfast to start our Super! Fun! Day! at the Seaport!

And then this happened.

Hanging out in bed at 7 pm. Because I am lame. Literally.

Tuesday:

I put the toddler to work cleaning the house while I lay on the couch.

Nursing bebeh, sexy hospital sock

Wednesday:

That, my friends, is an empty laundry basket because my husband did all the laundry while I was injured.

Our nephew came to visit & entertain the baby

Then we entertained him with the Kinect (while wearing Evan's baby sunglasses of course)

Thursday:

Caroline watching The Colbert Report.

Maybe if I hide my new shoes behind E's stuff he won't notice!

I bought this dress at Target. It is very very comfortable and possibly makes me look pregnant.

Friday:

Are we ever going to leave this DAMN HOUSE?

Roasted sweet potatos for the baby. Note: 22 minutes is too long - they turn into mush and she can't grab them.

Bebeh toooooooes

Now I have TWO kids who keep trying to take my iPhone

Saturday:

Finally made it to the Seaport & Little Evan got to ride on a boat

Look what I got it in mail! More Uff Da goodness to add to my collection. I mean CAROLINE'S collection.

I found a local consignment shop. I am in love. These were SIX DOLLARS.

My ankle/foot/leg is feeling much better, thanks for all your well wishes and questions – and a HUGE thanks to my husband for letting me sit on the couch for 2 full days so I could let it heal. I’m still not going to be running for a while (or even walking very fast) but I think I can get back to my normal life on Monday.  I’m also going to have to get back to Pennywise in Mystic, the FABULOUS consignment store I finally visited today while I sent the rest of the family down to the Seaport. It’s a small shop but totally packed with awesome finds – besides the polka-dot Steve Madden wedges, I got a pair of super comfy black heels (also $6), a cool swingy tunic top ($9) and another bright colored maxi dress with pockets ($18). I was really excited Pennywise had lots of stuff in my (spoken: large-ish) size – normally there’s an abundance of tiny clothes but nothing to fit over my boobs. Now we’re all taking a little siesta before hitting the river for a little afternoon boating. I hope your weekend is going as well as mine!

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!