We are a snack-loving family. At any given moment my purse contains at least three granola bars, string cheese, baby squeeze pouches, three sippy cups, fruit snacks, and apple and two snack traps. Snacks are great for keeping the kids busy while I focus on my workout at Stroller Strides. Carrying around extra snacks mean we don’t have to rush home in time for lunch if we’re having fun at the playground or want to make an impromptu trip to the aquarium. Snacks work well for both kids’ eating styles – Caroline eats TONS OF FOOD and needs snacks between meals while Evan is meh about eating his meals but is much more likely to snack. And bringing my own snacks for all of us means I am much less likely to swing through a drive-thru for “just a snack” and end up with an entire double cheeseburger meal and a milkshake (how does that happen?!)

So when my friend Alena asked if I’d be interested in trying out a PackIt lunch bag I said yes immediately. PackIt is a freezable personal cooler that keeps your food colder, fresher and safer for up to ten hours – no ice or bulky toxic ice packs needed. You just store the folded PackIt bag in your freezer until you’re ready to fill it and go!

I tried out a Personal Cooler and a Shop Cooler last week and loved them both. The Shop Cooler was perfect for keeping my ice cream, chicken nuggets and Cool Whip cold on the way home from the grocery store – even though I stopped to pick up a couple dozen bottles of wine on the way. Plus my Stop & Shop gives a 5 cent discount for every reusable bag you bring. Score!

The Personal Cooler was perfect for carrying the daily snacks that are better kept cool – cheese, yogurt, juice boxes, fruit, veggies, and milk. You know, the healthy stuff.

The yogurt is for me. And don't judge the disgusting American cheese slices or Caroline will come scream in YOUR face.

Still plenty of room for a sippy cup.

It fits in my bag! OK, so my bag is on the hugemongous side but it's still super handy.

My snacks stayed refrigerator-cold all morning, which was definitely more pleasant than eating soft, warm cheese that got squished in the bottom of my bag. And when we got home I just stuck the PackIt back in the freezer so it would be ready for the next day!

PackIt Coolers are PVC-free, BPA-free, lead-free, non-toxic, earth-safe and reusable. They fold compactly in the freezer for storage and keeps food cold at USDA-safe temperatures. They come in six sizes and tons of cute colors and patterns. PackIt even has a size for wine bottles – it’s like the KNOW ME. Check out all their products and get more information on their website.

How would you like to win a free PackIt Social Cooler? It’s perfect for picnics, a day at the beach, ball games, day trips and all the summer fun that’s quickly approaching.

To enter, just like PackIt on Facebook then come back and leave a comment telling me you did. So easy! I’ll leave the comments open until Friday April 6th at 5 pm and choose a winner using Random.org. Make sure you use a real email when you comment so I can notify you if you win. Good luck!

We’re standing in front of the dairy case when Evan starts coughing. “Cover your mouth” I say sharply. I can feel the eyes of the other shoppers boring into my back and I know they’re thinking “Ugh, kids and their GERMS.”

And then he throws up. On me. On himself. On the cart. On the floor. It’s awful and smelly and EVERYWHERE and all those people who were watching us just a few seconds before have suddenly disappeared. Evan looks up at me with huge eyes and said “I spit up. Spit up on you Mommy. Spit up on Evan. I sick.”

I think “No crap, Kid” but I say “I’m so sorry buddy! It’s ok! Let’s clean you up!” I use a handful of baby wipes to clean off his face and hands and hair and neck and ohmigod how did he get puke in his EAR?! I pull of his sweatshirt and throw it over the mess on the floor. I grab the extra pair of pants from my diaper bag (thank goodness I restocked it this morning) and lickety-split change him right there in the aisle.

A few shoppers slink past, avoiding eye contact.

I use his dirty clothes to wipe everything down but we both still stink. Or maybe it’s just me. I grapple with my desire to abandon the cart and flee with the kids but I hate to waste our shopping trip so I suck it up. By the time we’re in the next aisle Evan is running around like crazy, bouncing off the walls, getting in the way, shouting and laughing. I guess he wasn’t so sick after all.

I think for a minute about how this sums up motherhood – surprising and messy and gross and horrifying but you DEAL WITH IT because there’s no one else who will and seeing your kids happy makes it all worth it. But that doesn’t make me smell any better, so we head home to shower.

First off, thank you all for being so kind on Monday (and in real life since then). I got not one single comment that was anything less than totally supportive and awesome – not even anonymously or in my spam filter. I was LOOKING for someone to tell me to go screw myself for being a lousy mom and a lousy human being – because that’s how I’ve been feeling about myself for months – but now I guess I’ll have to stop beating myself up and just enjoy feeling like a person again.

Ok, phew, back to our regularly scheduled posting.

On Tuesday I took the kids to visit the preschool a friend recommended. I’m SO OVER calling around and trying to find info about every single program we might even consider considering. I HATE making phone calls, especially because  for some reason these schools are harder to track down than Osama Bin Laden (is that still a joke? What else is hard to track down? Big Foot?) They aren’t listed anywhere, they don’t have direct phone numbers, NONE of them have websites, which is ridiculous. IT IS 2012. GET ONLINE. Anyways, I called for info on this particular school a few weeks ago and read through their packet and it seemed nice so we went in to look around.

I liked it. Evan seemed to like it. They have a toddler program Caroline can attend when she’s 2-ish. There weren’t any children chained up in the corners and I didn’t see anyone pushing meth behind the play equipment so I guess it’s…good? What are the standards for preschool? Am I supposed to judge whether their circle time is appropriately circular? Should I be worried that some of the butterfly craft projects were done in non-complementary colors? They had lots of blocks and puzzles and dinosaurs and OK fine, so it’s going to feel a bit like I’m just paying to let him play three days a week but is that really so bad? I like the idea of someone else arguing with encouraging him to pick up after himself and doing the same puzzle over and over and helping him wash his hands every time he thinks they have gotten even the tiniest bit sticky. I think that would be good for both of us.

Based on my completely non-scientific survey on Twitter the cost seems reasonable (although my husband is still having a minor heart attack) and within our price range. I suppose if it was REALLY REALLY important we could figure out a way to pay for a fancier school. And if I started buying our fruits and vegetables off the bruised cart and switched to generic toothpaste and don’t buy ANY new clothes for the next 5 years we might even be able to afford the fancy Montessori school for a semester or two. But do I really want to apply for tuition assistance for a 3-year-old? Am I somehow failing my kids if I don’t send them to the very best thing available? And who even knows if that WOULD be the very best thing? Maybe Evan would hate it. Maybe he’s going to hate any preschool. I’m pretty sure I got kicked out of at least one myself – also known as the Great Block Throwing Scandal of ’86 – so I wouldn’t be too shocked.

This decision really shouldn’t be this hard. I keep telling myself I should just be glad we don’t live somewhere that super competitive waiting list $10,000 a year preschools are our only option. I think it’s helping, a little at least.

Today I’m stuck home with a busted car and a baby trying to bust some new teeth through her poor swollen gums and I feel like busting out the vodka to go in my third cup of coffee.

(The car people just called. They think the huge electrical freakout happening to my minivan has been caused by…coins. In my radio. One guess who’s responsible. I…have no words.)

The upside to being home is I don’t have to fight with the toddler. Because the fighting? Is driving me insane. And the not listening. And the running away. And the tantrums. I spend too many hours a day with all my muscles tensed in anticipation of the fight I know is coming any second. I am exhausted before he even DOES anything wrong. My current methods of dealing with the poor behavior are time outs he doesn’t care about, making idle threats, hissing through my teeth, counting to three and then counting to three again and then counting to three again, picking him up and dragging him out of Target, ignoring while I die of shame and bribery.

I’m not even going to pretend I know what I’m doing anymore.

Since I seem to have lost my copy of How Exactly To Parent Your Child So They Always Act Perfectly But Don’t End Up Needing Therapy (I’ve heard people from certain internet message boards get a copy right after they give birth)(Or maybe the childless people are hoarding all the copies – based on their internet comments they certainly THINK they know everything), I think it’s time to put my Amazon Prime membership to use and order up a big stack of parenting books. I am open to suggestions. All suggestions. YOUR suggestions.

So far I’ve got “Unconditional Parenting” – recommended by my friend Robyn – on the crunchy, hippie, new-agey end. And I don’t plan to send Evan out back to cut his own switch, so I won’t need Grandpa’s imaginary book “This Is Going To Hurt Me More Than It Hurts You”. But I figure the more books I read the more likely I am to find something that sounds like a) I (we) can do it and b) might work on MY kid. Or maybe my brain will explode. But at this point that feeling inevitable.

On Monday, I attempted to take photos of the toddler holding still, smiling, with one fist held out.

I ended up with 87 photos like these (and luckily one that worked).

Dancing

Jazz Hands

Thinking about punching someone

This is his "say cheese" face

Be my Valentine?