Yes, yes, this is a fertile land and we will thrive. We will rule over all of this land and we will call it……this land.

I think we should call it your GRAVE!

This ain’t yo mama’s craft fair.

The adorable Jess of Allora Handmade

I’ve waited a REALLY LONG TIME to hug Hannah‘s face and I’m so glad I finally did.

I spent about an hour and a half (and sort of a lot of money) at the market, so of course I have pictures of what I bought to share:

Super hero cape from blue. by YeLLoMeDaiSY

Polka dot skirt from Stacy Lynn

I would totally post a picture of me WEARING it…if it fit. I thought it might but I underestimated the size of my hips. I’ll just call it more incentive to lose weight.

That’s actually MY headband, but she makes a better model. Also, I totally forgot which booth I got it from, so if you know tell me and I’ll link to the shop!

Headband from Little Penelope Lane

AND AND AND AND

My new favorite shop, Spiffing Jewelry. This bracelet isn’t up on her site yet – although I think we bugged her enough on Twitter that it will be soon – but in case you need help it says “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good” and is a reference to Harry Potter. Amy and Ashley and I spent a good 20 minutes looking at every single one of her geekery bracelets trying to decide which to buy. I should have bought at least two more, since they aren’t all online and I LOVE them.

I also had a super SUPER crazy run-in with my second grade pen pal at the checkout counter. Not even kidding, we wrote letters when I was 7 or 8 and haven’t seen her since. Facebook helped us recognize each other but how is that for one of those “what a small world!!!” moments?

Loved the whole thing and am thrilled with my new shop discoveries.

Working titles for this post at various points during the weekend include:

I Knew It, Everyone Hates Me

Holy Shit I Won An iPad

Poor Choices In Footwear

Sparklecorn Really Is As Amazing As You’ve Heard

PLEASE LET ME HOLD YOUR BABY

I Knew It, Everyone Loves Me

I’m Never Drinking Again

A Surprising Number of Word Origins Involve Genitalia

Where Are The Damn Cheeseburgers?

I Missed My Kids

and

No One Was Mean To Me

The worst part of the whole weekend was getting there a full day later than most of my friends (they attended a special extra conference day on Thursday) so I missed out on some of the parties swag fun. But the travel gods smiled on me – at least on the way THERE – and I was checked in, freshened up, and hanging with my roommate Molly less than 30 minutes after we landed. WINNING.

Approximately 30 seconds after that, I won an iPad. Yeah, no kidding. There was a booth for RetailMeNot (which I used and love and recommended BEFORE they rocked my socks with the iPad) down at the exhibitor hall and they had one of those money blower tank things – like on Ellen, where you stuff cash in your bra – except you had to stuff Monopoly money through a slot into a little box. I was doing not a very good job and figured I’d be lucky to get $5 and a water bottle when the guy working the booth outside the tank made kind of a funny face and then my 30 seconds was over and when I stepped out he said “I think someone just won an iPad.” ME. ME IS THE ONE WHO WON AN IPAD.

(True fact: I have an iPad. The fate of this one is still up in the air. Go ahead and start sucking up, family members. Christmas is coming.)

Thursday night was a party sponsored by Clever Girls, one of the networks I belong to. I enjoyed the free champagne. I enjoyed it SO MUCH in fact, that I agreed to be in a contest that involved dancing to Smurf This Way (as in Walk This Way changed to be more smurf-friendly). I was smurfing terrible, but my team was awesome.

Me, Jill, Blair, Mae

On Friday I had scheduled myself pretty thin and ended up sort of alone for most of the morning. Ok, so not ALONE – it’s hard to be alone when you’re surrounded by 3,600 bloggers. But besides sitting with Suz in a session and hanging with Amy whenever I got a chance I spent a lot of time anxiously asking if anyone was sitting here and attempting to charm people who instantly forgot my name. I’m proud I put myself out there a little bit, but it took so much energy and courage I felt like I’d been hit by a bus by dinner. Although getting to meet Elmo (the real, no kidding Sesame Street Elmo with a hand up his butt, not some guy in an Elmo suit) and chatting with Morgan were high moments. Morgan wins at being able to talk to someone she barely knows for a full hour without once visibly rolling her eyes at my… uh… enthusiasm.

Sesame Street Session on being more fun on your BLAAAAAHG

My kid is carrying this photo around going "WOOOOOW". I swear to you he doesn't even know who Elmo IS but he can tell I'm special.

P.S. That is totally by baby-snatcher face. I TOLD you I wasn’t cool.

Friday night I went to some parties and drank a little too much and got a hideous (fake) tattoo that said “Bad Girl” and made a fool of myself in a pedicab by not recognizing a famous blogger and then I threw myself at two MORE famous bloggers who were incredibly kind and gracious despite my slightly tipsy state. I also met Maile, the creator of my gorgeous camera bag, during the ONLY MOMENT of the weekend when I wasn’t carrying it. I almost fell over dead and shouted at her about how I LOVED MY BAG and DID SHE SEE THE PICTURE OF MY BABY IN IT? IT WAS ON TWITTER! I TWEETED IT! DID SHE SEE IT?? DID SHE? REMEMBER????

And then, Sparklecorn.

I don't even LIKE sparkly vampires

That's the CAKE. It was 4 feet tall.

I ran up on stage to show off my skillz.You know the phrase "dance as if no one is watching"? THAT.

Me and my ridiculous eyeshadow when I accosted Amalah, my all time favorite blogger. She had a baby approximately 5 minutes ago and was too gorgeous and gracious for words.

And like Amy (who took all these pictures) said, this one sort of sums up the whole night:

That’s Kim, from Dirty Diaper Laundry. She was really fun. And very tolerant of me.

Despite a very very late night (especially considering the time difference) I made it to my 7 am workout with Bob Harper. My thighs are STILL burning. After his session and the Q&A during breakfast it was easy to see why he was picked as a trainer for the Biggest Loser. “Charming” isn’t nearly strong enough of a word – it was more like he glamored all of us into thinking “Wow, I DO want oatmeal for breakfast! And I want to run a 5k! And make better choices!”

Motivating us. With his HOTNESS.

The rest of Saturday was much more chill than Friday. I got my make-up done in the Daisy Cottage Cheese suite and she covered my dark circles with some sort of MAGIC that made everyone tell me I looked great. Then I got a massage and a coupon for a free automatic toilet bowl cleaner thing, both of which made me feel very relaxed. (Because obviously I spend a lot of time stressed about my dirty bowls)(I’m not even joking). I attended a session on being a professional blogger and pretended I was, indeed, a professional blogger. I don’t think I fooled anyone.

Then I went to the Queen Bee Handmade Market, which gets its own post later.

But the best part was dinner, arranged by Eileen, who planned ahead and made reservations for us at The Marble Room where we all got a chance to SIT DOWN and TALK and just really enjoy getting to know a few new people and finally connect with some long-time virtual friends.

The restaurant used to be a brothel. I heard the bathroom was decorated with naked ladies.

Bottom left: Diana and my lovely roommate Molly

By Saturday night it was all I could do to drag myself back home, put on a clean dress and make an appearance at the parties so I could a) see the people I hadn’t yet run into and b) say goodbye to all the women I’m going to miss the crap out of. Then I stuffed my extra suitcase with swag and collapsed into bed so I could get up for the Longest Travel Day Ever In The World. Stupid flight delays.

I think the biggest thing I learned at BlogHer is that no matter what you expect it to be, you will be wrong. In my high-anxiety moments I pictured myself alone in a corner, being totally snubbed by everyone I like online. In my most optimistic moments, I imagined I would be instantly and completely loved by every single person I saw and I would have sponsors throwing free things at me and my amazing blog. I think in the end I made a good impression on a lot of people, made a fool of myself in front of some people, and annoyed a few people. I met half a dozen Super Internet Famous Big Time Bloggers and they were all extremely nice. I met a few people I am shocked I wasn’t ALREADY internet friends with and a lot more I am hoping to bond with during the next 12 months.

Because I am for sure going back in 2012. Leg hugs for everyone. Even Darth Vader.

Just a TEENY TINY percentage of the women I met and hugged and miss now

There isn’t any point pretending Little Evan isn’t a full-blown person-type human anymore. There’s almost no trace of baby left on him, as if every night in his bath we wash another layer off, revealing the Big Kid underneath. He carries a (toy) phone in his pocket for goodness sake. Next week he’ll be asking for the keys so he can pick up his friends for a movie. BUT I WILL SAY NO. At least not until he takes out the trash and feeds the dog.

I am constantly amazed by how much he takes in and remembers about our days and conversations. It makes me feel like all the shlepping around and packing and planning actually MEANS something to him, even if he is too young to remember it when he’s older. But when he’s still asking about “Farm? Sheep-baa? Go, mama? Friends?” a week after we went to the farm it makes me smile. It also breaks my heart that I promised him a ride on the horse-drawn carriage at Mystic Seaport last weekend but had to cancel due to my foot-sprain and every time we get in the car now he asks about the “horse-boat?” Soon, Buddy! As soon as I can walk I PROMISE.

He has a funny way of saying words that are more than one syllable that is totally adorable but means I have to serve as a translator with most grown-ups. (Kids, on the other hand, understand him even better than I do.) For example, he says “Plees. Car.” for “police car” and “Bass. Ball. Net.” for “basketball net”. He recently learned to love my singing – bless his heart – and will request songs by singing his own mini-version or with hand motions. His favorites are Row, Row, Row Your Boat, Baa Baa Black Sheep, You Are My Sunshine and Happy Birthday.

Little Evan took a four hour nap at some point last week and woke up 2 full inches taller. All the 24 month summer clothes I bought him are too small, and he’s safely in a 2T or even a 3T and a size 6 shoe. He’s still in a size 5 diaper and will probably be in them for a while. We’re taking a casual approach to potty training that’s not stressing anyone out but is also going to take a looooong time. But we’re OK with that.

Favorite things include books, running, pointing out basketball nets, his baby sister, boats, horses, Daddy, his friends, napping with his blankets, taking pictures, splashing and the iPad. Least favorite things include being tired, hearing no, water when he can’t touch the bottom, swallowing strange food (he’ll put it in his mouth and chew it up), and being buckled in the stroller.

Damn those birds! Why are they so angry?!

Eyelashes & rosy cheeks

So much attitude for someone who can't wipe his own butt.

27 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Jumps with both feet – Yes, jumping has always been one of his strong points.
• Opens doors – Yes, both the regular doorknob kind and the lever kind. Like, for instance, on our back screen door. Which means he can escape the house.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Understands descriptions (e.g., big, soft) – I’d say about 80% of the time yes. He knows a bunch of colors, and big and small, and mama’s vs. dada’s vs. baby’s, and a bunch more. You can say “Evan, go get that round thing over there” and he will go get it.
• Draws a vertical line – He’s not too interested in drawing, but he can use his finger to make a straight line on an iPad (totally counts).

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Starts to recognize ABCs – Starts, yes. I’m thrilled to see this on the “advanced” skills for his age, because it seems like TONS of my internet friends have toddlers younger than Evan who already know almost all their letters. I was worried I’d been failing Evan somehow by not doing alphabet drills before and after every nap time. But how do you FORCE a 2 year old to learn his letters when he’s busy kicking balls and playing Angry Birds? Now that he likes playing with his VTech magnet letter thing he recognized a lot more of them.
• Balances on one foot – Yes, and I know this because he puts his pants on like a REAL PERSON now. I almost cried the first time I realized I didn’t have to make him lie down to get dressed.

I’ve mentioned before that my sister is in the Peace Corps, currently finishing up her last few months of a 2 year commitment in Burkina Faso (It’s a landlocked country in Western Africa, in case you’re like the lady at my post office who didn’t believe me that it was indeed a REAL PLACE)(A real place that takes $35 worth of postage to send a couple magazines). Carolyn has recently decided to extend her commitment another year, where she will move even FURTHER away from civilization and teach at an even MORE remote school. But before she leaves her village, she’s working on a promise she made to help her friends with an important project.

This is the ambulance in her village:

Picture copyright C. Glidden

Picture copyright C. Glidden

Picture copyright C. Glidden

Picture copyright C. Glidden

Picture copyright C. Glidden

So, in reality, they have no ambulance. It’s unusable. If you are sick enough that you need to go to the hospital – 45km away – you get to catch a ride on a motorcycle, a bike, or a donkey cart.

Kick scooters have become a popular way for seniors and others who suffer from mobility issues to get around, especially in cities where sidewalks are few and far between. A low cost, affordable, easy to use electric kick scooter that folds down into a small, convenient size and is also very easily towed by the simple, attachable trailer handle. Dont have one yet? Maybe its time to get more information about scooters at Go2scooter. A top speed of fifteen miles per hour, max estimated travel distance of fifteen miles, and a quiet, supersonic sound that emits from the exhaust is all the kick scooter review you need to know before you buy one! Other features include automatic shut off, variable speed controls, three-position seating, and rain proofing, all for an inexpensive price!

Or hey, how about hopping on a bush taxi, which is a bus that transports anything and everything in dirty, crowded, unsafe conditions. Seriously, do you want to be bleeding or in pain or suffering and riding in a vehicle that allows this?

That’s a guy strapping a goat to the top of a bush taxi. THIS IS NOT THAT UNUSUAL. Picture copyright C. Glidden

Think about this: there is a huge lack of maternity and pre-natal care in Burkina Faso, and complications during labor are extremely common. With all the discussions we have here in America about birth choices and unmedicated childbirth and homebirth and waterbirth and birthing centers and other non-hospital options, there’s always the knowledge that medical care and life-saving interventions are only a 911 call away. These villagers don’t have 911. They don’t have anyone to call. There is no middle-of-the-night rush to a hospital if something goes wrong and a woman or her baby are in distress. Imagine how terrifying that must be.

Hey, that was some fun imagining. Are you totally bummed out now? Are you wishing there was some way you could help those women and babies? Today, you are in luck. Because after months of proposal-writing, paperwork and politics within her village, Carolyn has gotten the ambulance repair project approved by the Peace Corps and it has officially launched. They are accepting donations to fund THIS SPECIFIC CAUSE, where your dollar or dollars could literally help save someone’s life.

The link to the Peace Corps’s project page is HERE. They accept credit cards. I (and my sister)(and her friends in Burkina Faso) would be incredibly grateful if you wanted to donate – or if you can’t donate, if you could help spread the word to your friends and family. There’s a handy “tweet” button at the top of this post and the little icon links just below the end of this text makes it easy to share on email or Facebook.

Thank you in advance for ANYTHING you do to help repair the ambulance.

p.s. My sister doesn’t know I’m doing this. She hates asking for money even more than I do.