Giant pile of baby clothes

This is our guest room. Or at least it used to be our guest room. At the moment it’s an extremely large storage closet for Baby Sandy’s things. In that giant pile of stuff, I purchased exactly TWO items – the onesie I got at the Handmade Market and the Uff Da dress right in the front. (Because literally SECONDS after I found out the baby was a girl I was stalking Emily’s site like it was the last source of baby clothes on Earth. I CAN’T WAIT to have an actual baby to wear that dress. And maybe this dress. And this clippie. Which I totally did not buy “for the baby” but wear myself. Nope.)

The REST of that pile is hand me downs. Three giant boxes from my incredibly generous local friend Julie (some of which are second hand hand me downs and yet practically new) full of PINK PINK PINK, two boxes from the gorgeous and stylish Emmie Bee stuffed with Baby Gap, adorable Christmas PJ’s from my friend Sarah, and tiny sized cloth diapers from my friend Cheri.

And then there’s this:

If the shelf looks crooked it's because IT IS. The top part broke from the weight of that many dresses & sweaters.

Those are the vintage baby clothes my mom saved. Some of them are HERS, as in, she wore them as a baby. Amazing. Oh and that shoe holder in the door is 50% bonnets (BONNETS!!! NOT EVEN HATS!), 25% bloomers and 25% shoes or tights. I squee every time I go in there.

And then I cry a little thinking about where I’m going to put it all.

The sad part is this is not the nursery. It’s a guest bedroom we actually plan to use for guests several times in the coming weeks and where my mom will be living when she comes up to rescue me from total exhaustion and failure help with the new baby. Eventually all the baby stuff is supposed to move to the current master bedroom/future second nursery + playroom and our master bedroom will move to the third floor/current junk room + second guest bedroom if we’re REALLY desperate. This pile and closet are just a temporary solution until we can get the rest of the house sorted out – a task I was SUPER EXCITED about for exactly a week, until I actually went up to the third floor and looked at how much stuff we have. Too much. Way too much. I was all set to begin the organizing and moving and getting rid of stuff! Making room in my life! I could totally host a show about how decluttering is the key to true happiness!!

Until I went through a giant box of clothes I haven’t fit in since 2004 and only managed to give away 4 pairs of pants. And one skirt. Things I did not manage to give away include a pair of bleached, holey jeans embroidered with flowers, a tank top that says “bride” in rhinestones, and plastic pink high heeled flip flops (yes, you read that correctly).

There are at least seven more boxes like that one. And that doesn’t include E’s stuff.

Maybe I should stop taking people’s hand-me-downs until I can get rid of some of my own.

Or maybe I’ll just move it all to the basement and try to forget about it. Baby Sandy doesn’t REALLY need a nursery, right?

One of my very earliest memories is of our house in New Jersey, the one we lived in when my little sister was born. It was the first house my parents ever bought and I can only imagine how exciting it was for them to buy the BRAND NEW 4 bedroom, 2 bath colonial with a big yard on a cul-de-sac. Something about being a homeowner just feels so grown up, even more than kids or a minivan or health insurance. I spent oh so many hours running around that neighborhood or playing on the swing set or cutting my own hair and then hiding under a chair so Mom wouldn’t yell at me reading quietly in the family room.

It was a good house.

One of my OTHER earliest memories is sneaking downstairs right around Christmas to find my parents and an aunt and uncle or two huddled around this:

Charming starter home on spacious lot, great location & schools

They were putting the finishing touches on the doll house as a Christmas present. My dad was SO DISAPPOINTED I saw it before Christmas morning. I still remember him rushing me back upstairs and telling me I was absolutely NOT allowed out of bed again no matter what. I tried super hard not to even think about the house – and I know I didn’t talk about it – until it was officially mine, although I don’t think anyone tried to tell me my presents were “from Santa” after that.

Center entry, formal living and dining rooms

The doll house is an exact replica of the actual house we living in in New Jersey, from the floor plan and carpet color right down to the wallpaper. There was no kit or plans, just my dad and a tape measure and his amazing attention to detail.

Even though we moved to Long Island after a couple of years…and California a few years after that…and then Massachusetts…and finally to Virgina, my parents had this GIANT doll house shipped with our stuff EVERY TIME. Dad built a special crate and wrapped it in packing paper and Styrofoam so not a single wall is cracked or damaged even though it’s been almost two decades since it was uncrated.

And ever since I announced I was pregnant the first time my parents been dreaming of the day the dollhouse is no longer their problem. Baby #2’s girl parts sealed the doll house’s fate (although Baby Evan has already greatly enjoyed putting various items in the windows – Attack of the giant corn! Watch out for the tiny killer dump truck! On noes we’re all going to be eaten by the singing frog!) so now it lives in my dining room.

House has great bones, but some cosmetic repairs needed

As well as it was taken care of, NO house can hold up to 20 years of abandonment. Peeling paper, moldy carpets, and water damage all abound.

I’m sort of conflicted about fixing up the doll house – I want it exactly as I remember it (even though it’s already not) and it feels disloyal to my parents to tear apart even a minute of their hard work. But some of that decor is in really bad shape.

Orginal 1980's kitchen and baths. In case you're into "vintage".

Like that middle upstairs bathroom. Yikes.

And I don’t think anyone ANYWHERE still sells that wallpaper, so matching it is out of the question.

I guess I’m going to be redecorating.

FIREPLACE! The highlight of every realtor's tour!

And hey, since I don’t have the time and/or money to redecorate my entire REAL house (again) right now, this is a great place to channel my creative energy. Tiny rooms to paint! Tiny rugs! Tiny appliances! All new tiny furniture! And the best part, there’s only a tiny bit of wallpaper to peel off and carpet to tear up.

Stay tuned for the very exciting renovation coming soon.

Damn, I was hoping for hardwood.

I’m not really sure how I got involved with this crazy undertaking, but let it serve as a warning to you, dear readers. Don’t ever say “Wow, that sounds like a good idea!” on Twitter unless you are willing to dedicate at least a week of your life to that idea.

Today, I’m participating in the Twitter  Home Tour with 10 12 14 a bunch of other fellow bloggers. Instead of our usual posts where we open our lives and families and joys and struggles to the world, we’re opening our doors. Literally.

Now, before I start with the eighteenbazillionty house pictures, let me share a tiny disclaimer. The home you are about to see does not exist. It is an illusion. A fallacy. A lie. A figment of my imagination. It is impossible to come and visit this home in any city, in any country, on any planet. The home I am sharing today is not where I live. Oh sure, technically it’s my address, the land and walls and roof we pay our mortgage on each month. But the house I actually live in does not look like this. It is a perpetual MESS. There are toys everywhere, dishes in the sink, laundry piles waiting to be washed or folded, boxes that have only made it half way to the attic and wait in the hallway to ambush your ankles at night. My home is lived in. It took a ton of work to make it even kind of presentable for these pictures and even then I dragged stuff in and out of every room as I took the shots. And you’re probably going to look at these pictures and think “Jeez, this is her house at its BEST?” so my disclaimer is unnecessary. But I started this blog to share a truly honest view of pregnancy, babies and life, so I couldn’t do this tour without being honest.

OK, since you haven’t given up yet, on to the tour!

View from the street

First let me tell you the story of how we bought this beautiful house. I used to work in a real estate office (sidenote: BEST. JOB. EVER. for nosey busy-bodies like me, especially nosey busy-bodies who love houses)(which is really why I’m doing this house tour thing at all) and one day this house came on the market. It was waaaaaaay out of our price range but I loved it so much I printed out a copy of the listing and taped it to my fridge. Every time I looked at it I thought “If only I could live in a house like this SOME DAY.” I’ll spare you the long version of the story but eventually they lowered the price, we worked out our financial problems and VOILA! Home sweet home.

Front steps

In a couple more weeks those stone flower boxes will be filled with flowers, but I can’t plant until Mother’s Day. It’s the #1 gardening rule in New England – once the weather is nice, WAIT A MONTH or you’ll lose all your plants to a late frost. The old wash bucket is for flowers too. I try not to keep junk in my yard for no reason.

Front door

A porch swing is for swinging

It's a pretty big porch

My father, mother, E and I rebuilt that porch last summer, knowing that THIS year those bars to keep the baby from falling through the screen would come in handy.

Ok, NOW you can come in.

Entry table and mirror - found in an empty rental house next to the one I used to live in. I adopted them for my own.

Entry bench - old seats from a real theater my mom bought at a garage sale and that I envied EVERY DAY growing up. Now they're MIIIIINE.

Not pictured: Dirty socks, newborn size diapers, popcorn machine from the party, three pairs of shoes, about a zillion books and possibly some Christmas decorations I keep meaning to bring upstairs.

To the right of the entry is my Formal Living Room

Facing the front of the house

Mantle of the fireplace

Why yes that IS a large mahogany buffet in front of a wood burning fireplace. No it doesn’t usually go there – I moved it for the party and decided it can just stay for the summer. We bought it at a flea market to use in our dining room…and then bought a nicer china cabinet later the same day. So this buffet was a sofa-back table in the living room until I threw out the sofa. Now it’s homeless. If you’d be interesting in adopting this very well behaved, totally housebroken buffet, it’s available for a very reasonable price. Also, I used to have really cool stuff hanging over the mantle but took it down for the party and fell out of love with it. I’m currently accepting suggestions for what to do next.

One of my best flea market finds: $20 cane and bent wood chair. Came with the cushions too.

Our floors. I loooooove our floors. Someday we'll have them refinished and restored but I swear we will never, ever change them. Scout's honor.

AHA! Collection #1: Decanturs. These are actually E's. We keep them in one of the built in cabinets by those half columns in the living room.

Ok! On to the dining room! Most of which you’ve already seen from the living room!

It took me three tries to pick two shades of yellow I could live with in that room.

And those CURTAINS. I debated over those curtains for MONTHS. Oh Pottery Barn, thy name is hell.

Last wall of the dining room. As promised, my glass chicken collection is on the piano. Everyone should have a piano on which to display their glass chickens.

Oh you don't have a glass chicken collection? What a shame.

This is the cabinet that replace the homeless buffet. There are more glass chickens in the left hand side. OH! AND! The top "drawer" is really a fold down desk. *SWOON* Hidden desk!!!

Did you happen to catch Collection #3 in those dining room photos? Here’s a hint: it’s milkglass vases. The kind you can buy at Goodwill for 25 cents. The kind people at yard sales GIVE YOU because no one wants. What can I say, I like junk.

OK, back to the entry. If you go straight from the front door, here’s the hallway.

Hallway

The door on the left goes to the basement, the second door on the left is the half-bath. The door on the right is the pantry, the second door on the right is the coat closet.

The way to the basement also as a side door to the teeny little fenced side yard.

And THOSE stairs go down to the basement. Which you will not be seeing. It's dirty and gross and full of tools and boxes and cat litter. Really, just a basement.

Half bath. Teeny tiny half bath. Let's call it quaint.

Yes, I would definitely call this quaint. And yes, I did clean that tile.

What every quaint bathroom needs: a GIANT FLOWER PAINTING. $10 at a neighbor's garage sale.

OK, done with the boring stuff and on to the parts of the house we actually LIVE IN. I’m going to start with the kitchen.

Why yes, this is part of the kitchen.

Remember how I talked about my lack of counter space? Well that spot right there, with the shoes and the high chair are, is where my new kitchen island is going. But until it’s installed, please admire the truly gorgeous tile floor my husband and father installed.

Here's a quick peek out the back door to the one car garage and part of the garden. I hear there's going to be a garden tour post in June.

Back to the kitchen. Here’s your free tip for today: No matter how nice you’ll think it looks, don’t install tile on the diagonal. Just trust me.

We call this our wall-o-kitchen.

Even at its cleanest, please notice the total lack of work space on the counters.

Now on to a room you’re probably going to recognize if you’ve ever seen a single picture of my kid before. I would say we spend 95% of our at-home, awake hours in this room.

Finally!

Oh yeah, THAT'S why we hang out in here. And I don't mean the books.

Our renovations include: painting the walls (Ralph Lauren suede in case you were wondering) new ceiling fan, having the floors refinished and E’s woodworking projects – both bookcases and the toy box.

The first of two wall word decals. 10 points to the dork who names the source! Here's a clue: E and I both love this movie equally.

Collection #4! Bird pictures over the toy box. Purchased from Etsy for less than $12 each.

So that’s the first floor! How excited are you to find out there are TWO MORE TO GO? I promise I’ll try not to drag it out forever. But first lets go back to the entry so you don’t get lost.

See, NOW you remember what the entry looked like! For future reference: note the green things on top of the window. They might come up later.

The stained glass window is from a flea market (and please note, when I say “a flea market” I really mean “all the same flea market I go to far too often”). I hung it up because I couldn’t find curtains I liked and that window looks RIGHT out onto my neighbor’s house.

Collection #...what are we up to? 5? I bet you don't even know what these are. But I do. And I collect them.

We made it! We're actually up the stairs!!

All that crap hanging on the walls are awards, certificates and other random crap E has collected during his time in the Navy. Other military families will recognize it as an “I Love Me Wall”, although in our case it’s an entire “I Love Me Stairwell”. If he gets any more commendations I’m going to need a much taller ladder.

Upstairs hallway and another of E's certificates. I think he got that one for going through the Suez Canal.

The following rooms are featured in a clockwise direction starting from the door on the left in the picture above. Try to keep up.

Not pictured: TONS AND TONS OF CRAP.

I know the giant tub LOOKS awesome but I'd trade a normal tub-shower combination for that giant tub and the HORRIBLE stand up shower in a second.

Not pictured: Blue plastic baby tub, the three dozen bath toys, a large pile of towels and several pairs of baby pajamas I usually keep in that adorable chair.

Adorable Chair: $30 from a neighbor's garage sale. Perfect for hiding tubes of Preparation H under when you don't want all your guests to know about those hemorrhoids.

Back when this bathroom was for grown ups, I used to light these candles and relax with the jets in the tub and a glass of wine. Sigh.

BEST PART OF THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM: Laundy hookups. No more carrying baskets to the basement!

A note about the room you’re about to see. All the stuff, including the wall color, used to be in what is now the nursery. I had redone the WHOLE ROOM less than a year before I got pregnant without thinking that room made most sense for the baby. Doing all the painting just about killed me.

Do you see Collection #6? I do. And part of collection #7. Please ignore the elliptical machine in the corner. PLEASE.

The chandelier was 75% off at a Bombay Company store that was going out of business.

Why yes, I did used to watch a lot of Trading Spaces. Why do you ask? p.s. That pillow is totally held together with hot glue.

Art deco furniture is from...can you guess? A neighbor's garage sale. I got the dresser, mirror, headboard and footboard for $100. Plus she delivered it!

Cedar chest from a flea market. Globes from a flea market. Chair in the reflection from a flea market.Cat in the reflection from...the devil.

Now you get to see where the magic happens. I’M SORRY. I HAD TO. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.

Why yes, that bed IS enormous. Thanks for noticing.

Wall words #2. Whatevs. I think they're cute.

And here's all the proof you need of just how uncool I am.

And I'm back to redeem myself! How cute is this idea? I think I saw it in a magzine but I will totally take credit for inventing it myself.

How about that Navy guy kissing the nurse poster? Is that +1 or like -10000 on the cool scale? Wait, don't tell me. I don't want to know.

Just in case you’re STILL READING this post (bless you) now you get to see the nursery. Where the baby sleeps! I have to say, when I set up and designed the nursery I had no frickin’ clue what a baby needed. Take  for example, a night light. With the light on, Baby Evan wakes up every couple of hours, notices I’m not there and cries. In the PITCH BLACK, he wakes up, gets bored and goes back to sleep. Seriously, if you’re struggling with sleep problems, turn off the nightlight!

This room used to have carpet. Horrible, 3-D looking carpet. THIS IS WHAT WAS UNDERNEATH.

I’m actually shocked by how much I HAVEN’T changed since we first set up the nursery. Besides the size of the clothing, a lot more books and toys and the foam mats for naked baby time, it’s almost the same. Of course, I also added the chalkboard wall but since I put the changing table back upstairs it’s kind of hidden. I’m still in love with my Where The Wild Things Are slash Pirate slash Palm Tree slash Adventure theme. Very cohesive.

Someone still rocks Baby Evan in that chair every night. Good purchase.

Cool design feature time! This is a plate rack I used to hang clothes because the closet is already full of my own stuff. The Wild Things are from my sister.

Evan's crib friends. Quite a mixed crowd.

This was my whole inspiration. I like to think it gives Baby Evan good dreams about good books.

This concludes the Twitter Home Tour. Good-bye. Nice to see you.

What’s that you say? I mentioned the house was THREE floors? No no, you’re imagining things. There’s not third floor. OK, well, TECHNICALLY there is. TECHNICALLY that’s where the fourth bedroom is.

Sigh. Fine. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Scared yet?

This is just the landing. Run while you can.

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AVERT YOUR EYES!!!!!

Would you believe me if I swore on my baby's life that this is an IMPROVEMENT over what the room looked like when we moved in? It used to have black and orange giant zoo animal wall paper. For real. Some day we're going to recarpt and paint the walls a color that can't be described as "flesh" but for now, it's just junk. And not the good kind.

Oh my God, I am EXHAUSTED. I hope you aren’t bored to death of me by now and wondering where the mommy blogging went. I promise to never do this again. Mostly because it was WAY too much work for one day but also so you don’t have to read it. No one needs to know about my glass chickens and my globes. That’s what she said.

But if you’re enjoying being a nosey-parker house-peeker, please check out the rest of the bloggers taking part in today’s Twitter Home Tour. You can find their links below.

Once upon a time, @MomNom, @jennandtonica, @emmie_bee, @heirtoblair, and @ColeEmmett were talking about home decor on Twitter. We thought it would be so great to be able to see each other’s homes! A *bunch* of other tweeps joined in, @Alena29 put together a terrific button, and #twitterhometour (or #twitterhouseparty) was born! Feel free to join us – add a link to your home tour post (pictures, video, or both!) below.

One of the reasons I’m not a very good cook is I’ve never had somewhere really great to practice. At least that’s what I tell myself. Growing up my mom was always shooing us kids out of smallish kitchens while she cooked since little people underfoot while you chop and boil and bake and heat is a good way to end up in the emergency room. Since I never loved cooking I never focused much on kitchens when I picked out apartments and until recently would have sacrificed everything but a fridge and a microwave for a walk-in closet. When I first saw the house we live in now, I fell in love with the hardwood floors to the incredible mouldings to the front porch…and was THRILLED with the newly remodeled kitchen. Stainless steel appliances! Corian counters! Ceiling height cabinets! A gorgeous stone tile backsplash! It’s so PRETTY and SHINY and FULL OF CHARACTER I knew I would just love baking pies and boiling water (my specialties) while admiring the grape arbor out the window.

Unfortunately, I soon realized “full of character” is the real estate term for “almost no counter space” and “nowhere to put the mail” and “where the **** am I supposed to keep any FOOD?!” Over the years I’ve tried adding tables, carts, baskets, chairs, hooks and bowls in various places but nothing has helped control and organize the overflow of junk. It’s gotten worse since the baby, since my diaper bag and camera have permanent homes on the counter by the back door and when I come in carrying a baby everything else just gets DUMPED. Even when the kitchen is super clean (which, honestly, it almost never is) I only have about three feet of counter top to make dinner on, divided in the middle by the stove. I’ve set more than one pot holder on fire because I was using the stove top as a work surface. Setting things on fire is NOT GOOD when you have a toddler.

Since we won’t be moving in the next couple of years, I finally decided it was time for a permanent solution to my lack of counter space. Lucky for me the guy who did the original kitchen remodel left his name and contact info under the sink. Lucky for HIM the custom cabinets he put in are impossible to get anywhere else so we’re trading him our first born for an island/peninsula/breakfast bar thing. Well, we tried to trade him our first born but with the economy as bad as it is right now he wanted cash instead. Babies just aren’t worth what they used to be. Luckily, we had saved a little of our tax return for home repairs (in case we did have to put the house on the market) and I convinced E it would be best spent on this project. I may have also promised a large number of homemade meals, cookies and pies IF ONLY I HAD THE COUNTER SPACE TO MAKE THEM. I guess it’s time to dust off those cookbooks.

Unfortunately, it’s going to take at least two months before the elves hobbits blind nuns cabinet…eers? make the cabinets and then another week to get a big slab of countertop in so until then I’ll just have to try not to burn the house down with a tea towel. Wish me luck.