Surprise! Honestly, I would say I was also surprised to find out I was pregnant again but REALLY?! This is the fourth time – fifth if you count the chemical pregnancy right before Linc. I know how it happens. This is not that surprising.

It is a little bit surprising because I was using the lazy person’s birth control (breastfeeding) and hadn’t gotten my period back at all (sorry any dudes who happen to read this by accident) so it’s not like I was trying to get pregnant. I was just not NOT trying. The plan was always to give Linc a close sibling since it worked out so well for Evan and Caroline, but without a way to actually make that happen we just had our fingers crossed. I’m just very, very lucky. I’m very, very aware of that.

I realized I was pregnant at a game night with friends, when I drank half a glass of wine and immediately felt like throwing up. That is not at all my normal reaction to wine. I took a test that night when we got home and even though it wasn’t ideal testing conditions I got a super faint line. I woke up my (perhaps slightly drunk) husband to wave it in his face, but he swears his has no memory of that. The next day I tossed a digital test that said “PREGNANT” in his lap and that’s when he actually found out. I am not good at Big Gestures To Tell My Spouse. Not when I need him to immediately start handling all smelly house- and child-related issues.

I have what I think of as all the regular pregnacy symptoms – exhaustion, morning and evening sickness, constant peeing, sensitivity to smells, unexplained headaches I can’t take anything good for, pants that don’t fit. My face was breaking out like crazy for the first few weeks but it seems to be slightly better now. I spend every morning throwing up for 20 minutes but then I can usually power through until 3 or 4 pm when I have to start being careful to avoid triggers and then as long as I go to bed before 9 I’m mostly safe. Hopefully I’m almost past the morning sickness stage too and will get some of that good second trimester engergy, now that I’m in my second trimester.

Surprise again! I managed to not announce my pregnancy the second it happened, like I have previously done! I’m actually just slightly more than 14 weeks along, due at the end of August. This is the first time I’ve delayed talking about a pregnancy for so long, which felt a little weird. It started because I just didn’t want to announce at Christmas, then I didn’t want to announce until I had at least seen my OB but because I didn’t even call them until January my appointment wasn’t until the middle of the month. Then my standard screening test came back with some questionable results and I wanted all the information I could get before I opened myself up to every Facebook friend’s questions. Luckily the second, more accurate test came back normal and the ultrasound I had on Tuesday didn’t show anything concerning. I have another ultrasound at 19 weeks to triple check, but I feel reassured that things are as OK as you can ever say they are.Evan is SUPER excited. Caroline is excited about the idea of getting a sister. Linc doesn’t understand yet. Since I don’t want poor Caroline to spend the whole pregnancy thinking she’s getting a sister only to be disappointed at the hospital,

Evan is SUPER excited. Caroline is excited about the idea of getting a sister. Linc doesn’t understand yet. Since I don’t want poor Caroline to spend the whole pregnancy thinking she’s getting a sister only to be disappointed at the hospital, we’re going to find out what we’re having. Team Green was SUPER fun to do with Linc, but since this is mostly likely our last baby, having the next 5 months to purge baby clothes we won’t need is a good use of time. Just like I did a fancy announcement photo shoot, I have plans for a gender reveal photoshoots. It’s my LAST BABY. I want to do ALL the things. Imagine flower crowns and a sunset in my maternity photos.

Our families are very happy. My wonderful, fantastic, very understanding sister might have rearranged her wedding a tiny bit so I could still attend, which is one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. E has been great. Honestly, I think he also realizes this is probably the LAST BABY and has stepped up – doing the dishes, putting the kids to bed, volunteering to hold my hair while I throw up, bringing me the food I’m craving, letting me lie on the couch and wallow while he vacuums. It is making being pregnant while also having three children much easier.

I’ve heard adding a fourth barely matters in the grand scheme of things. We already have a minivan. I’m already staying home with a toddler, staying home with a toddler and a baby only means I’m more tired, not a real change in my schedule. Linc might have just weaned himself (literally yesterday) because my supply has dropped, so I get a little break before I have to nurse a newborn. And then I’ll get a NEW BABY to wear in all my wraps and my baby carriers and snuggle and take pictures of and love undyingly forever and ever. We already scheduled the summer out so we still get to do our beach vacation, lake membership, camp for the kids AND I can spend all of August lying in 18 inches of kiddie pool water in our backyard so I don’t have to wear clothes.

I know myself too well to make any blogging promises, but I have high hopes that now that I’m not keeping my pregnancy a secret I’ll have a lot more stuff to say. I might even do some pregnancy style posts, since this is my LAST BABY and I need very little stuff so I might treat myself to a few cute things that are meant for people actually growing humans instead of just mashing myself into XXL tanks and yoga pants. Although, like I said, I am due in August, and there is no pregnancy style in August. Especially when you don’t have air conditioning.

Isn’t it completely crazy that I started this blog in 2008 when I was newly pregnant with Evan and only a month after I reach the 8 year mark I’ll have my FOURTH baby? That’s a lot of babies and a lot of time to maintain a blog, even if it’s just a personal narrative at this point and not the amazingly popular money-making mommy blogging empire I imagined in the first few years.

And I am INCREDIBLY happy about all of it.

Oh hey, want to hear about my pregnancy?

It’s good! I am ready to officially say it’s good.

In fact, I have absolutely nothing unusual to report. Hurrah for a totally normal, boring baby!

This is the first time in a while I’ve felt able to write much about it, for fear of jinxing things. At my 19 week ultrasound the tech was a little concerned. My placenta was lower than they wanted to see and I had high fluid levels. Apparently that’s a soft marker for a lot of birth or genetic defects, so they wanted to get me in to a level 2 ultrasound soon. Unfortunately “soon” was a full 3 weeks later.

It wouldn’t have been quite such a nerve-wracking three weeks if the doctor hadn’t made a super casual, off-hand remark about how if something WAS tragically wrong we’d want to know sooner rather than later. 3 WEEKS IS NOT SOON. If she had just left out the part about the teeny, tiny chance of a fatal or life threatening problem I could have just complained about my heartburn and sore hips and never-ending morning nausea. Instead I lay in bed every night and thought about…possibilities.

I DID keep myself from Googling though. Mostly since “high fluid levels” turns up way too many results to process, let alone freak out about.

ANYWAY. At my level 2 ultrasound the tech and the special high-risk doctor both declared my baby perfectly fine. My placenta moved up and my fluid levels are only on the high level of normal, not actually high. The baby looks healthy and my screenings came back with very low chances of a genetic issue. I am extremely relieved.

I didn’t want to talk about any of this until I was sure – or as sure as you can possibly be before the baby becomes an outside baby – that things were fine. Plus also, thinking about what MIGHT be wrong reminded me of how many things COULD go wrong and what a crazy delicate thing pregnancy can be. Tomorrow I am 24 weeks, which is viability (technically). So now I am ready to complain about all the trivial stuff.

That might take FOREVER, so let’s start with the big one.

OMG MY BUTT. Not, like, the delicate unspeakable parts. All of it, from my back down to my thighs. The internet says the horrible stabbing pain is sciatica, but I had what I thought was sciatica with previous babies. This is WAY worse. This is like the difference between a paper cut and having a finger chopped off. The other thing the internet says is that the best ways to treat it are “stretching” and “resting” and “maybe some acupuncture”. I have no time for this “resting” thing and I can’t spend my days in child’s pose, so at my next OB appointment I guess I’ll be asking about alternative treatments. I feel extremely lucky I can spend a lot of time on the couch or lying down when it gets too bad, but until the children can do the grocery shopping and errand running themselves there are going to be painful days.

I’m just hoping I don’t get SPD on top of it. That’s the one where you feel like you’ve been kicked in the crotch with a steel-toed boot. Even rolling over in bed is enough to make you cry, so THAT on top of THIS would probably land me on a motorized scooter for the next 16 weeks.

And now, some blurry, generic ultrasound photos I took pictures of with my phone!

Based on no actual info besides those pictures, I’m currently predicting “girl”, since the profile looks just like Caroline. Both kids are on team girl but E is swearing it’s a boy. Oddly, I am not in the least bit tempted to find out anymore. I’m SUPER excited about waiting until the delivery room and being surprised along with everyone else.

I’ve gotten to the point in pregnancy when people start saying “Oh, you don’t have long now!” both because I am visibly huge and also because it feels – even to other people – like I’ve been pregnant FOREVER. I was pregnant when it was cold in the spring, pregnant when it was hot in the summer, pregnant during the beautiful fall colors and now it is cold again and I am STILL PREGNANT. It depresses me a little to have to say “Yes, well, 6 weeks isn’t that long” even though it feels like the longest amount of time it’s ever taken anyone to finish doing anything ever.

Of course, then I go to the mall and see the Christmas decorations and turn on the radio and hear Christmas music and think about the fact that I only have 6 weeks to finish all these knitting projects and OMG IT’S SO SO SOON! I NEED MORE TIME! I CANNOT POSSIBLY HAVE ANOTHER BABY!

Despite my mixed feelings, I am quickly nearly the point where my personal level of physical discomfort is greater than my fear of keeping an infant alive. Besides the kicked in the crotch pelvic pain, I have horrible sciatic nerve pain in my left leg – which seems like a total “DUH”, considering that’s the hip I’m constantly carrying a toddler around on. The doctor gave me a ridiculous pamphlet on stretches that are supposed to help (stand with your back against a wall! sit in the butterfly position! try the cat-cow pose from yoga!) but considering I’ve been doing ALL OF THOSE several times a day for the last 8 months I think my only hope at this point is a daily Tylenol or two and lots of lying down.

Of course, lying down just makes my heartburn worse, although I’m not sure it could get any MORE worse (more worse?? really, Suzanne?) than it is right now. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even that interested in food, because I know it’s going to hurt so much later. Plus I have this terrible taste in my mouth that I can’t get rid of. I’ve never experienced anything like it before (while pregnant or not pregnant) but it’s totally gross. At first I thought it was an aftertaste from an artificial sweetener in something I was eating or drinking but I tried switching to water & full fat/real sugar food and it doesn’t help. I tried Googling it but the internet is torn between suggesting I just brush my teeth more and a horrible, birth-defect causing mineral deficiency and suggesting I should be eating more marmite and tahini. I don’t even know what marmite is. I’m going to mention it at next week’s OB checkup but I’m guessing it’s just another of those annoying, unimportant symptoms that will go away immediately after giving birth thanks to the mommy amnesia.

Wait, what was I talking about?

I guess the good news is my hemorrhoids aren’t nearly as bad as last time. Knock on wood.

Advice appreciated.

———————————————————–

And for my very last giveaway of Giveaway Week, the winner of the $25 credit to Becca’s Hugs & Kisses Designs shop is…

#2 Katherine from the lovely blog The Flowers in Her Hair! Katherine, I sent Becca an email so hopefully she can set you up ASAP and you can start TRYING to pick out something to buy. Good luck choosing though, what with the beautiful fabric items AND the prints!

And to all my readers, thank you so much for your participation and your patience with my giveaways. I know some people get totally bored and hate entering and some people LOVE the chance to win free stuff, but it is just so fun to work with great handmade shops I can’t resist. I tried to make them as easy and requirement free as possible, but hopefully you found some new Twitter friends, blogs to read, and places to do your Christmas shopping.

xoxo

Suzanne

This post may contain TMI. You’ve been warned.

I’m already at the point where I have OB check-ups every 2 weeks instead of once a month and oh my GOD does it make time go by faster. Between vet visits and Little Evan’s check-ups and trying to keep the laundry piles to a reasonable level and making sure there’s at least some sort of toddler- appropriate food in the house I can barely remember to SHOWER every 2 weeks, let alone show up for appointments at predetermined times. Especially when I can hardly walk from the kicked-in-the-crotch pain combined with the horrible-strained-muscle-in-my-leg pain and now for extra fun throw in what-I’m-pretty-sure-is-a-raging-UTI pain.

I WARNED YOU.

Yesterday I was so proud of myself for making it to Stroller Strides, only to discover not only can I barely walk around the park I definitely can’t jump up a flight of stairs or stand on one leg while doing chest presses with an elastic band. I guess the good news is I showed up and plan to go again Wednesday and maybe even Thursday if I can still walk. Which is doubtful, because at my OB appointment today I was all “Oh hai, I have a UTI” and the doctor was like “Ok, you need to go down to the lab for a test and we should have the results by Friday.” And then I died dead. Because if you’ve ever HAD a UTI you know how long 48 hours can be if you feel like you have to pee constantly while at the same time feel like you’re being stabbed in the crotch with a super pointy knitting needle. (Not to be confused with my already constant KICKED in the crotch pain.)

Luckily, E was more sympathetic than the doctor and took Little Evan to the store for giant amounts of cranberry juice while I lay on the couch only moving enough to hit “next” on my Google Reader. Hopefully some rest and a ton of fluids does enough to keep me from ending up bed-ridden. Because if there’s one thing worse than being in so much pain you can’t get out of bed it’s being in so much pain you can’t get out of bed while a toddler jumps on your stomach and hits you in the face and screams that he wants milk and a new diaper.

In other 30 week check-up news, my doctor said that although Braxton-Hicks contractions are mostly normal, if I have more than 6 strong ones in an hour I need to come in. I’ve been having them pretty regularly, although my regularly I mean I can count on having them when I walk long distances and/or haven’t been drinking enough water but they never fall into a pattern. And they don’t hurt, they just make my belly really really tight. She also implied I may not make it to 40 weeks if my body is already preparing itself for labor like that.

The rest of the appointment was uneventful but kind of awesome. I actually LOST half a pound since last time, although my belly is bigger and measuring right on target. My blood pressure is excellent, as usual, and the doctor (who I hadn’t seen since before I had Evan) was extremely pleased to hear my first birth had gone well. Also, for the first time in two pregnancies, the receptionist remembered my name and said “Hi Suzanne, I have your chart here” when I checked in. Guys, I’M A REGULAR. Just like I used to be at that one bar, where a guy named Billy worked the door and would let us in free. Only at this bar there’s no alcohol and you’re much more likely to see someone experience the consequences of a drunk hook-up than the hook-up itself.

Now I have 2 more very busy weeks to  go before my 32 week check up when I again think OMG THIS IS ALL HAPPENING TOO FAST.

Remember how a couple weeks ago I was all “This pregnancy is so easy! Most days I barely remember I’m even pregnant! I can’t wait to me MORE pregnant!”

Yeah, that was stupid. I am DEFINITELY pregnant. I could star in my own made for TV movie called Mega-Pregnant Woman Versus Giant Bottle of Tums and I wouldn’t even need a stunt double.

My feet hurt. I’m exhausted, even with a daily nap. I am irritated by totally irrational things and want to scream at random strangers. My clothes don’t fit. I can’t bend over in the middle. Everything from crackers to fruit to water gives me heartburn. I’m being regularly kicked in the bladder and I pee a little every time I laugh, jump or sneeze. I never sleep through the night. I’m always hot. My boobs are huge and sore (and here’s a new one: I have breast tissue that extends back into my armpit so even my underarms are painful). I keep getting giant crater sized pimples I’m afraid Baby Evan might get sucked into and disappear forever. And to top it all off, I STILL have morning sickness in the mornings – I get out of bed, I throw up for about 10 minutes, then I start my day. Every. Day.

As of my appointment this morning I am up 19 pounds and got a Talking To about adding more exercise to my routine, which is ridiculous because a) I chase a toddler all day b) I’m still going to Stroller Strides at least 3 times a week and c) I CHASE A TODDLER ALL DAY. Yes I know I’ll have to lose all this weight again, thanks for the breaking news. I know I’ve had this discussion on the internet before but I wish there was a way to just not even mention weight or weight gain in pregnancy at all until it became an actual health issue. My blood pressure is good, the baby is good, shut the eff up. I have the sudden urge to yell “LEAVE THE PREGNANT WOMEN ALOOOOOOOONE!!!!111!!!!!11!” but I’m too tired to actually yell at anything.

I think the only thing more exhausting than thinking about 19 more weeks of this is imagining life with a toddler AND a newborn.

I’m gonna go lie down.