Considering the amount of time spent comparing the baby’s features to our own (I think he has my nose but E’s eyes but my hair texture and E’s color but my toes and E’s wrists and my elbows, etc etc etc), it’s amazing it took me this long to actually dig out some old baby pics and compare tiny Baby Evan to Baby Suzanne and Baby E. It’s extra fun because my birthday is only 5 days (and, uh, twenty*cough*cough*cough* years) after the baby’s. So in July and September and December we’re almost the same age.  This is probably the last time I ever enjoy having a birthday so close to my son’s.

So is he definitely my kid or what?

I supposed I should include his father in this little game too, although I think it’s pretty clear Baby Evan got most of his cute genes from me.

Oh. Well. Ok. Fine, then, I guess MAYBE the baby got a tiny bit of his father too.

But just let’s not forget Baby Evan is just as much Glidden* as I am:

*Ok, so this relative isn’t actually a Glidden but it’s still my dad’s side. Whatever, I’m not a genealogist, you want historical accuracy go talk to someone who gets paid for that sort of thing.

(Edited so hopefully y’all can see the pictures. Anyone know WHY they wouldn’t work on some screens?)

Although I didn’t know who Kristine Brite was until a few days ago, Baby Evan and I are wearing pink in honor of her baby Cora (born November 29th, died December 6th). I learned of her tragedy through the Twitter grape vine and although I can’t begin to comprehend Kristine’s pain my heart breaks for her. Here’s her story in her own words:

Cora died instantly on my chest while breastfeeding. One hundred percent healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery. She scored 9s on both Apgar test. We jumped in the car and drove 70 through Decatur to the hospital as soon as I looked down and saw her bloodied face covering my breast. Getting her there within moments of her stopping breathing. She had a heart condition impossible to detect in utero or at birth without special testing.

Cora was meant to teach us something I’m sure of it. She changed my life. Ben and I quit smoking, struggled to prepare financially, took parenting classes, and after she was born watched her in shifts. She was never alone even when sleeping. We were all meant to learn something from her.

Compassion, patience, love.

Today I will show compassion, patience and love. I will try to appreciate all I have more. I will hug my baby extra tight, thank God I’ve had so many days with him already, and pray I get a million more. I hope Kristine and her family can feel everyone’s love and know how many people are thinking of them today.

For Cora

I’m going to regret that when I see tomorrow’s search terms.

One of the people I follow on Twitter, The RadicaLactivist, posted a link to a collection of breastfeeding in art through the ages today and I absolutely love it. The creators collected several hundred drawings, paintings, sculptures and photos of mothers nursing their babies from the ancient times to now. I especially love the photos of women in full Victorian dress with a baby attached to their boob. I imagine their intention was just a classic family photo but after holding still for the old-timey camera so long their babies got fussy and needed to be fed.

It’s an amazing collection of nursing depicted as natural and beautiful through time and across the globe. Wouldn’t it be nice if breastfeeding was still seen that way?

So, the Duggars are having another baby. Their youngest is only 8 months and she’s about 3 months along, which means she got pregnant when the baby was 5 months. (I wonder if Michelle breastfeeds. I was under the impression it was supposed to suppress fertility so you didn’t end up with like, 19 kids. If she doesn’t, can you imagine how much they’ve spent on formula? More than enough to afford some condoms. I’m just sayin’.) I suppose if your goal is to have as many babies as possible you don’t really worry about things like child spacing.

There’s a woman at my mom’s group who’s son is about 8 weeks ahead of Baby Evan. She wants to be pregnant again by Christmas because she wants her kids close in age, like she and her sister are.

There’s another woman at my group who has three kids under three, 2 boys and a girl. They adopted the first one after her round of fertility treatments “failed”, and found out she was pregnant only a few weeks later. The third one was just a total surprise. She makes all those babies look easy.

A friend of mine has two kids, a boy and a girl, and came over to see Baby Evan because she “was going to miss little ones” now that she was done having babies. She just announced she’s pregnant. She’s over the moon happy, even though it’s going to mean another set of diapers while her second is potty training.

Another friend agreed with her husband from the very beginning they were having just one. I might be giving her baby fever with my own munchkin, as she said the other day “Are we REALLY done having kids?”

A woman I was standing in line with the other day was talking about her daughter and how although she loved children she NEVER wanted to go through birth again. She was so traumatized by the first one it scared her out of pregnancy forever, despite her desire for more. (This stranger over-share begins as soon as you’re visibly pregnant and only gets worse once you have the actual baby.)

And for my last example, there’s a woman I’ve met a couple times at mom’s group who has an 18 year old daughter…and an 8 month old son. Talk about an age difference. She wanted to start a family with her second husband.

E and I are both oldest children with siblings only a couple years behind us. Neither of us really remembers what being an old child was like. Although we are both close in age to our next oldest siblings, I wouldn’t say either of us is best-friends-talk-on-the-phone-every-day close. (Distance has something to do with it too – his whole family is in Ohio while my sister is literally across the world.) But having those built in playmates when we were little is something we both enjoyed.

(My sister may beg to differ on how great having me around really was, since I insisted on things like doing THAT to our hair on Easter and my mom made her go along with it. Doesn’t she look excited?)

I sort of thought that once I had one I would just KNOW how I felt about more, but it swings from one extreme to another on a daily basis, depending on how taxing/easy the previous bedtime/feeding/nap time/play time has been. I definitely want more kids but when will Baby Evan understand he has to share his mommy? Should I wait until he’s out of diapers? What if he doesn’t finish potty training until he’s 4? What if it takes me three years to get pregnant? Is it unfair to the second child to have a mother so distracted by her toddler she barely remembers there’s another bebeh?  Are second (and third) children doomed to be just a little more neglected than the one before? Can we handle another one financially? Can we handle another one emotionally? What if it’s another boy? Will I keep trying for a girl?

What about you? Are you an only who wanted siblings? Are you and your brother totall BFFs? How far appart are your kids?