It never fails…

– 30 seconds after I get the cranky, screaming, angry baby to take a nap and FINALLY sit down my husband walks in the door and looks disapprovingly at the mess.

– If we are ten minutes early leaving the house the baby will poop as I’m putting him in the car seat.

– The nights I am absolutely starving are the nights I have nothing planned for dinner.

– If I cut up gallons of fruit/vegetables/wise and healthy options for Baby Evan he refuses to eat anything but Goldfish.

– If I DON’T cut up gallons of fruit/vegetables/wise and healthy options for Baby Evan he screams and throws his Goldfish on the floor because he hates them.

– Baby nap time is always over before mommy nap time can start.

– My house is always in the worst state of disaster when someone stops by unexpectedly.

– Five minutes after someone tells me I look fantastic and barely pregnant at all someone else will tell me “Oh my God you’re huge! Look at that bump!!!”

– The sharpest, pointiest toy is the one that gets left on the floor of the dark hallway to be stepped on.

– The baby will do a great job scribbling with a crayon until I stop looking. Then he eats it.

– The 2% of the floor that is wet/sticky is the part I will step in.

– As soon as I tell someone my pregnancy so far has been totally uneventful and mostly symptom free I’m hit with a wave of morning sickness.

– The days I think I look really cute are the days I’m walking around with half my bra showing or my shorts on inside out, both of which I have done this week.

– I will run out of both deodorant and toothpaste on the sweatiest, grossest day of the year.

– The laundry will all be dirty again before I even get it folded and put away.

– Whatever my husband is doing right at the moment I need his help with something else is the ABSOLUTE MOST ANNOYING THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD.

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7 Responses to “It never fails…”

  1. raincheckmom says:

    The baby (child) is playing nicely until the phone rings and then he/she MUST cry/scream/have your attention…(This goes on for years) :-)

  2. Merin says:

    So glad I am not the only one on all of these things (especially the last one!). Except for Cora, insert “pretzel rod” for “goldfish.”

  3. Joanna says:

    oh man, all of this rings so unbelievably true.

  4. Suzanne says:

    So true, especially the baby nap and mommy nap not syncing up part. Why is it that the one day I want to take a nap, she decides to take a 30 minute nap instead of the 2 hour nap?

  5. MKP says:

    – The day I conclude I probably have enough clean X to last is the day a disaster happens and ruins all my clean X.

    – As soon as I petulantly decide to just let my cell phone die because nobody ever calls me ANYWAY is the day EVERYONE wants to make last minute plans

    – My deciding someone is definitely ready to pursue a relationship with is the impetus they needed to start dating someone else.

  6. Miranda says:

    Minus the pregnant part, we are living the same life. Especially with the goldfish.

  7. brigidkeely says:

    My mother in law called to say they were pulling into the parking space behind our apartment to whisk Niko away for the day. He chose that moment to poop. Thanks, buddy! Almost got out of poopy diaper duty for the day!

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