And Baby Makes…A House Full of Stuff

The answer to the hamburger-hot dog question will finally be revealed on Thursday at 1 pm. Up until now, I’ve put off buying pretty much anything baby related with the claim that until I know what I’m having I can’t be really prepared. But the truth is, I’m having a human child and all human children need some basic crap – car seat, crib, stroller, diapers, etc – that doesn’t have to be pink or blue. I said before if my baby came home now it would have to sleep in a drawer…but I don’t even have one of those. I spent my weekend reading product reviews and recommendations and comparing prices and options online. Now I am even more confused and overwhelmed.

If you do not have a baby or a baby pending, you have no idea how much stuff there is to buy. You don’t put an infant in a crib, you use a bassinet. If you want to move it around you can get a travel play yard/bassinet/changing table. If you plan to breastfeed the baby books suggest youget a bassinet-co-sleeper combo so youdon’t have to get out of bed every 2 hours. BUT! The bassinets I’ve been looking at are only good up to 15 pounds (although the idea of caring for a living human creature weighing less than that scares the bejezus out of me). Since I’ve heard having an infant can be tiring – apparently they cry a lot – I doubt I’ll be eager to go crib shopping in the first month or two, so I need to buy one before I give birth. Ideally, a couple months before, so there is little to no chance of my contractions starting while I’m deciding between the cherry or white finish.

If baby sleeping sounds complicated, don’t even try to research car seats/strollers/car-seat-stroller systems. I know science is busy curing erectile dysfunction and genetically engineering tomatoes to be redder, but couldn’t they take a few months off to invent a way to get a baby from point A to point B without spending $900 or making it’s parents burst into tears? Seriously, $900 for a stroller. But wait, if that’s the most expensive one, doesn’t that make it the best? Am I saying my baby isn’t WORTH $900?? Oh my God I’m a terrible mother. The people at the hospital are going to take one look at my $150 infant car seat and call Child Protective Services, since I am obviously unfit.

You know what else apparently makes you unfit? Stuffed animals. And crib bumpers. And blankets. And pretty much anything else you might want to put in your baby’s crib to make it comfortable. All those things can cause Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. Or at least the experts think it might. Scientists don’t really know, so they’ve decided to frighten parents as much as possible about what is basically a random act of nature. Did I mention it can happen any time in the first year? I think the real reason mothers are exhausted is because they stay up for 365 days checking to see if their baby is breathing. I can barely sleep now, and I’m the one doing all the breathing.

Next weekend we’re going to Target to register for real (so far, all I have on the registry is Ohio State onesies, a Baby-Bjorn and a packet of spit up cloths), Babies R Us to try out cribs, changing tables and strollers, and then trekking up to USA Baby to look at the fancy, expensive versions. In theory, we will also pick a color and get started on painting the nursery, picking out light fixtures and rugs, and perhaps bribe my sister into painting a mural to match whatever theme we choose. In reality, I will probably lie in bed taking deep breaths because I am almost 20 weeks pregnant (HALF WAY) and completely unprepared. Luckily, right now all I am unprepared for is being responsible for a baby. I’ve totally blocked out the process of having the baby. Maybe once science gets done with that baby carrier they can work on a totally pain-free way of getting this invader out of my uterus. I’m thinking teleportation, but I’ll leave the details to the experts.

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8 Responses to “And Baby Makes…A House Full of Stuff”

  1. FF says:

    Yay baby shopping! I get weird baby catalogs and magazines in my name in my mailbox that I never ordered but receive for some weird reason that makes me think that the mailman is sabotaging my birth control packet…. anyway, yeah, babies need a TON of stuff. And weird stuff. Like, did you know you need a special rack just to dry bottles on? Or a special baby food steamer/masher so you can, of course, make your own baby food (clearly, you are a BAD MOM if you feed your baby PROCESSED baby food, is the implication made by this company that wants you to buy this thing)…. but hey, registering for it means other folks get to fork out for it! woohoo!

  2. sarrible says:

    It horrifies me that strollers can cost almost as much as my first car. Of course, my first car didn’t have air conditioning, so I would hope a Bugaboo does.

    I will be delighted to look at baby things with you when I visit in three weeks. Does your baby need an Obama onesie?

  3. stacyinbean says:

    I gotta tell you something, that Ohio State Mobile is SCARY!!!!!! The onesies are cute though!

  4. stacyinbean says:

    Also, I’d like to go on the record with my prediction that this will be a hamburger.

  5. Bebehblog says:

    Yeah, the mobile is in the “haha look at what they make for babies!” category more than the “soothes the baby’s crying” category. I’m going to register for a nicer one at some point.

    p.s. I am very impressed with your stalking abilities.

  6. stacyinbean says:

    I’ll admit it. I’m a registry addict!

  7. lalaland13 says:

    OK, so I know I’ve asked you this before, but do you have a gut feeling about the baby’s food type?

    With Sims I always wait until right after they have the kid to buy the crib, available in just a few colors, and the changing table. But uh, that’s not real life.

    SIDS does seem scary as hell. I think I’d just insist my baby stay awake for the entire first year. Or velcro them to a board so they can sleep standing up.

  8. Delilah says:

    OMG at least you still have 20 weeks left to go. I’ve got 4 weeks left and I still do not have a crib! My so-called nursery is still full of boxes that need to be unpacked from when we moved into this house over the summer.
    This is actually my second baby, but the crib I used for baby #1 was recalled over the summer because it caused several infant deaths. So yes, not only do we get to worry about SIDS we have to worry about the crib killing our babies along with the bumpers, pillows, and blankets. It’s crazy! I can’t seem to pick a crib for the life of me because I’m scared of spending hundreds of dollars and then having it recalled.

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