3 Months To Go
I AM GOING TO TALK ABOUT MY BOOBS A LOT NOW SO IF YOU ARE MY MALE SECOND COUSIN BY MARRIAGE MAYBE YOU SHOULD SKIP THIS POST TODAY. THANKS.
Yes, that actually was entirely necessary. Jimmy.
Breastfeeding Caroline has been cake. I learned so much the first time around that even when things were challenging I knew how to ask for what I needed (nipple cream) and how to do what worked for me (crying in the shower while hand expressing milk) and it took days rather than months for us to find our groove. I am so thrilled we made it a full year of exclusive breastfeeding, especially because I struggled so much after BlogHer I thought we might not. For me, breastfeeding is both a wonderful bonding experience and a wonderful chance to sit down several times a day. I am never going to look back on my baby’s babyhood and think “Damn, breastfeeding was such a mistake”.
That being said, I have decided to start weaning Caroline. Yes I know she is only a little more than a year old. Yes I know what the WHO recommends. Yes I know I don’t HAVE to. Yes I know there is no medical reason to wean. And I don’t need anyone to talk me out of trying – although I welcome your opinion – because my reasons are totally selfish and for once I am ALLOWING myself to be selfish. I am a selfish, selfish mama who wants her body to herself for a little while after three and a half years of pregnancy, breastfeeding or BOTH AT THE SAME TIME.
In March, I am going on an honest-to-goodness vacation with my husband to several tropical beaches by way of Princess Cruises. It is a Big Deal for us, our first vacation since having kids, and the only vacation longer than a weekend we’ve taken since our honeymoon. My folks are going to watch the kids and the dog and the house for us (cue panicked cleaning of closets and kitchen drawers because OMG my parents will be in my house without my supervision) and since they’re doing us such a huge favor I’d prefer to leave them with a baby who ISN’T expecting anyone to whip out a boob to help her get to sleep. Also, right now my body is still making enough milk for a baby who nurses 4 times a day (plus 2 or 3 times a night) and that would mean bringing a pump on vacation to keep my chest from exploding. Let me tell you, there is nothing sexier than whipping out my double electric Medela for a good milking before bed. Even just cutting back on the nursing would be better than nothing, although I’m hoping for a mostly weaned baby.
The problem is I have no idea how to go about it.
Weaning Evan was something I thought about constantly for months but when it happened it was sort of anticlimactic. He went from nursing all the time to giving it up completely in just a few weeks, but that was because of a pregnancy-related drop in my supply. I do NOT want to be pregnant on our vacation – it would put quite the damper on my goal of drinking my weight in pina coladas. But is there a natural way to decrease my supply? I suppose I could just do the OPPOSITE of all the things the experts suggest when you’re trying to increase your supply, but not drinking water, not sleeping, not eating extra calories and not taking care of myself seems like a poor choice. I have read sage can decrease milk supply and I happen to have a bunch of it lying around from our summer CSA but that sounds like an old wives tale. I know nursing moms are told not to take antihistamines because they can decrease supply, but do I really want to take a bunch of drugs while I’m still breastfeeding? (Short answer: no)
And then, despite what I said above about letting myself be selfish there’s the guilt I’m going to traumatize my baby if I stop. Caroline has always been a really independent little girl and she rarely nurses for comfort. She is affectionate and cuddly even when we’re not nursing so I’m not worried about losing all our mommy-daughter time. But she still has a midnight feeding (and sometimes a 2 am and a 4 am and a 5 am feeding) and those are HARD to drop. She still cries and tugs on my shirt if we go too long without nursing. Despite the fact that yesterday she had two mini waffles, a donut, an apple, blueberries, a Babybel cheese and half a yogurt for breakfast she still wanted to nurse for a minute before we left the house. Does she NEED it or does she just like the familiar? How can I possibly know? I’ve got 3 months to figure it out.
Truthfully, the period of time in a baby’s life where they are either breast or bottle fed is SO SMALL in the scheme of parenting (unless you are amongst the very most extreme extended breast feeders) that cutting her off a few months short of where she would have weaned naturally isn’t going to keep her from getting into Harvard some day. (I am going to repeat that to myself over and over and over for the next 3 months.) And when I come home from vacation if she wants to start nursing again I would be totally OK with that. I LIKE breastfeeding, as a thing. In general. When it’s not making me sick to my stomach with anxiety about leaving. Again. So right now I need all the weaning advice and anecdotes I can get.
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Tags: baby, breastfeeding, Caroline, decisions, family, hard, motherhood, nursing, vacation, weaning
When I weaned, I didn’t do anything to reduce the supply—er, other than the weaning itself. I cut out one feeding at a time, going in order of “easiest to hardest.” So the first feeding to go was the one that was always kind of hurried/unpleasant because of a schedule crimp, and the last feeding to go was the middle of the night one—but which feedings are easiest/hardest will totally vary from person to person.
I’d cut out one feeding, then wait “awhile.” A few weeks? A single week? It varied. For awhile, the next feeding AFTER the skipped one would be a relief, but soon the supply adjusted. Then I’d cut out another feeding. The nighttime ones were the last to go. I cut those down more slowly. First I’d nurse the baby just on one side, instead of both. Then I’d nurse the baby but stop after only a few minutes, as soon as the baby was less enthusiastic. Then I’d offer a cup of milk and a snuggle instead, but relent if that didn’t help. And finally it always helped and I never needed to relent.
I hate that the breastfeeding thing has swung SO FAR that now mothers have to feel like they’re lazy and selfish if they breastfeed “only” a year. A year is AMAZING. It’s GREAT. It’s a HUGE ACCOMPLISHMENT. It is also a LONG LONG TIME.
Thank you for your extremely practical, personally tried and worked type advice. It’s reassuring just to HEAR that cutting back will eventually work.
Rory weaned on her own when she was 10 mos. I know, “babies don’t wean on their own before a year,” but she did…i blame working outside the home and her having too many bottles because of that. However, when she gave up nursing, she really just transferred her nursing desires to her bottle and cuddles. She still very much needed (and still needs…at 2.5) the down time a few times a day, with cuddles from mommy and something to suck on (or just the sucking if mommy isn’t around). So maybe Caroline doesn’t really “need” the nursing so much as a few moments of undivided time with Mommy, and nursing is how she usually gets that. i’m not suggesting you don’t give her plenty of non-nursing cuddles, but in my experience, it’s just not the same undivided connection if they aren’t attached to you. We had to work hard to keep that connection up with a bottle instead of a boob, when Rory was that age and younger.
so my suggestion is to drop a session at a time (like suggested above) and substitute something else for your special comfort time, since that’s basically what Rory did when she self weaned. and try not to worry too much about it. tons of kids don’t even get a year of nursing and they turn out perfectly fine. and i’m sure you will be able to get her to a much more managable nursing scheme by the time you go on vacation, if you can’t get her completely weaned by then, which i’m sure you will.
oh, and another thing i’ve heard that works well is shortening the nursing sessions. My friend used to sing a certain song to her son when she was trying to cut back on nursing. it was her warning to him that the session was coming to an end. it will lessen your supply over time and then maybe she’ll loose interest, like most babies do when mom dries up.
Sorry, one more thought. Instead of starting by dropping the easiest session, maybe it would help your anxiety about it by first dropping whatever session will be most inconvenient for you trip. like if you are mostly worried about your parents having to get her to sleep at night without nursing, start with that one. That way, if you don’t get her fully weaned, you can at least relax in knowing that most inconvenient sessions are dropped, and you tried your best to meet everyone’s needs. this is probably what i would do, personally, because i hate feeling like i’m forcing Rory to do anything, so i’d probably wean her off the most inconvenient sessions and then give up, but take that with a grain of salt, since our situations are totally different, and i’m not going on an awesome trip with my husband in a few months :).
I AM most worried about the middle of the night feedings. I know first hand how exhausting it is to never get to sleep at night and I don’t want to put them through that. So even if she hasn’t given them all up I would like her to at least sleep through the night.
Oh jesus, thank you for this post. Del is well on her way to 15 months and I suspect we’ll make it to 2 (or nearly) before things come to an end. And I’m mostly cool with that except I haven’t had a vacation from my children since I was laid up in the hospital recovering from her birth and she was in a diff hospital. Also she seems to be getting her nutrition 90% from ME still and not actual food and I have a problem with that. Also I can’t wait for her to sleep in her own room and I don’t think that’s happening until she’s done nursing. But at the same time I ADORE cuddling with her at night so long as she’s not waking me up every two hours. :D
That’s how things where with Evan the first time – he nursed a LOT and it was his main source of nutrition so I couldn’t even imagine stopping.
When he was about 7 or 8 months old I decided I couldn’t sleep one more night with him attached to me, so even though I knew it would mean getting out of bed every 2-3 hours I moved him to the crib. What happened instead was once his food wasn’t so readily available he stopped eating so much and went down to just one midnight snack. I’m not saying that WILL work for D, but maybe TRYING to get her to sleep in her room once every 2 weeks or so until she accepts it will get you a break.
Do you tell her ‘no’? I know thats an unpopular response in a lot of circles, but it’s what I did with O around 15 months. I couldn’t take the constant day nursing, AND the continued night nursing, so unless it was bedtime, or first thing in the morning, I told him “mama milk all gone,” and handed him a sippy cup. It sucked for the first few days, but after that he got used to it, as kids do. But that probably doesn’t help with the night nursing, and for that I have nothing since I never could figure it out and waited an entire 24 months before I got a full night of sleep.
How did E handle the night nursing when you were at BlogHer? Can you substitute him for one or two of those to help drop them?
I think cabbage leaves laid on your boobs is also supposed to help decrease supply. I got that from Kellymom I think. But that’s more hoodoo voodoo like the sage…can’t hurt though, I suppose.
Much love and luck.
I’m not sure the girl even knows the meaning of the word “no”. But just this week she started accepting sippies with drinks in them so I’m trying to offer those FIRST before giving her the choice to nurse.
While I was gone, E got her to take a bottle at night (she accepted them at night before she accepted them during the day, actually) but because I WANTED her to go back to nursing we stopped giving bottles after I got back. STUPID. But I was gone for 4 days and by the end she was fine, so at WORST I think my parents could handle it.
You’re going on a cruise? FUN! And also? I’m 98% happy for you, 2% jealous :)
As for BF, good luck with everything. I couldn’t stand not getting enough sleep for that long so I think you’re not being selfish at all. You’re just trying to be better to yourself for once, ya know? You’re a great mama, Suzanne. Don’t ever let yourself think different!
I didn’t have this issue–both of my boys gave it up pretty easily around 8 months and I didn’t do a thing. But Ben was a biter and I couldn’t break him of it, so I can’t say I was all that sorry to let it go. All I can say is this: don’t let it be part of your ego to give it up. You did a terrific job and now you know it’s time for you to let it go, and it doesn’t matter what’s right for other people or the WHO or anyone else. Still getting up to nurse her in the night at this age alone makes you a rock star mother compared to me.
I obviously have no advice on completely weaning since Z is still nursing for now BUT we did just ditch the middle of the night feeding because OMFG I needed to SLEEP. We were the meanie parents though, we switched her to her room, put her to bed promptly at 7pm, let her scream herself to sleep for 20 minutes and then when she woke in the middle of the night the first few times I sent Brandon in to pat her back and giver her pacifier. Sure she screamed a bit in the middle of the night but never more than 15 minutes or so before she was back to sleep. Now she is sleeping through the night- most nights. Thank god.
When we started to wean (around 13 months, daytime only), I dropped one feeding every couple of days, until all her daytime sessions were gone. If she asked for “mees” (and she did) (A LOT), I would just calmly tell her that mees was only for sleepy times, and distract her with a book or toy or fruit or something. It took around 2 weeks for her to stop asking all the time, and around a month, month and a half for her to stop asking at all during the day. She’s 17 months old now, and we’re still nursing at night before bed and if she wakes up, but just cutting out those daytime feedings has decreased my milk supply to the point that if she sleeps all night w/o nursing, I’m not engorged or uncomfortable in the morning. I only make enough for 2-3 feedings total, which also helps discourage constant nighttime feeding. I have NO IDEA how to even begin night weaning without a lot of crying and lost sleep for us both, so if you figure that one out, let us know, will ya?
We weaned by cutting out nursing sessions one by one, like the first commenter suggested. However, I work outside the home, so she was already getting bottles on the regular, and my supply had already taken a nose-dive once she started to eat solids (I was never able to pump much during the day when I was at work). I started with the most inconvenient nursing session (for me)- the middle of the night feeding- and just started offering her a bottle, then nursing first thing in the morning when she woke up. Then I cut the early morning feedings (keep in mind we weren’t nursing between 8 and 5 anyways) and then eventually the naptime (on weekends) and bedtime nursing sessions, mostly because those were my favorite ones for bonding and I was too scared to mess with What Worked for getting her to sleep on a semi-schedule.
She never really put up THAT much of a fuss, and when she did, I would relent and nurse for a few minutes and then switch back to the bottle. My supply just gradually adjusted until it dropped off altogether. And I don’t know if it was her age or that she was no longer getting what she wanted (ie comfort nursing) but she started sleeping through the night with no wakings around this same time.
Does she have a lovie or stuffed animal? Addie started her attachment to one a little before turning a year old, and that helps a TON for comfort. As an added bonus, sleep with it or hold it between you while you rock her now, so that it has your scent on it. Having something that smells like you to comfort her will help– and can be a big help to grandparents while you are away.
If it makes you feel any better- we just weaned our 2 year old from her paci and it gave me the same guilt and anxiety that weaning her from nursing did and like always, it has turned out just fine. Maybe our girls can be roomates at Harvard one day and laugh about how crazy their mothers were. :)
I had the same thought about the lovey, so just last Friday I bought her one of those sea horses that glows and plays music. She seems to really like it and I’ve been holding it when we nurse so she can get used to it as a comfort object.
When I weaned my baby girl, Aubreigh, i started by taking half whole milk and mixing it with half breast milk – a nurse recommended this to me. Since she’s used to your milk she’ll still have that to taste and each week decrease the amount of breastmilk you put in. By the end of the month she was drinking whole milk like a champ and i didn’t have to worry about the feedings. At night i would warm the milk a little which helped her sleep through the night. I would still cuddle with her while taking the sippy or bottle whichever she would take at the time.
I’ve also heard that, this is going to sound crazy, but putting cabbage leaves right into your bra. It helps dry up the milk and with the pain. My friend did this and it worked really well for her. Hope this helps and enjoy your cruise!!
I don’t really have any weaning advice, but sage (lots of it! Sage tea is not particularly delicious, but putting lots in your food works too) does really work well for most moms to decrease supply, as does the cold (from the fridge) cabbage leaves in your bra. Tuck them in there and replace when they get warm and wilted. So lovely! But it really does work, at least according to soooo many women who came through the store looking for advice on this stuff.
I have no advice but just wanted to wish you luck and send some support. I think night feeding are harder on Mommas to wean than they are on the baby. It just such a “My baby is growing up so fast!” moment. Good luck and hugs!
I’m another “no advice but lots of luck and support” poster. Good luck!
I would suggest nightweaning first. That will be the most difficult. I used Dr Jay Gordon’s method to pair down the night nursing when Jude was about 10 months and then used it to completely nightwean at 15 months. Then try working from easiest to hardest. I like the idea of offering cups of half BM half cow milk. If she knows the sign for “finished” or “all done”, we use that a lot, too, when she’s hit her nursing limit (right now we’re on a morning, nap, bedtime schedule to save mama’s sanity and I must say “boobies finished” five million times a day). Good luck!
I’m carefully reading all of these comments because–in the bouts of my eighth case of mastitis with this baby (and fourteenth in my lifetime)–I am planning to wean my 10-month-old. I obviously have an oversupply issue so weaning will be VERY difficult for me to do without getting sick. All of these ideas seem like great ones–I’ll probably check back again tonight!
OMG my boobs hurt FOR you. I have heard that the cabbage leaf thing works really well, as crazy as it sounds.
Good job for doing it for a year! Honest posts like this give me hope. I didnt bf my first because of physical limitations and mostly just becuase I found it so hard. With the sleep deprivation, everything just went from hard to overwhelming in a heartbeat. Next time I hope to do it with more encouragement and knowledge. Anywhoo, all this just to say good job mama :).
We night weaned first. Almost a full year before we were finished nursing completely. She was still mostly in our bed at that point, and we didn’t change where she slept, but I essentially started sleeping in turtle necks and saying, “the sun is sleeping, mama is sleeping, daddy is sleeping, nursies are sleeping, you go to sleep too.” And it worked! That is where I’d start as far as worrying about leaving her. She’ll roll with so much more during the day. Night is always harder, but it was do-able. My husband stepped up the cuddling, and I did sleep with my back to her more so there wasn’t as much access.
As for the final weaning, A was much older, but I just started saying “not now” more and more and more. We also went on a parents only vacation, and I was surprised that she wanted to nurse when I got home, BUT she was totally done within a week or two of that. I don’t know if it was that I had set a mental deadline of the trip and just started putting her off more, or if it was her realizing she didn’t really need it. I was also surprised I didn’t leak at all and within a matter of weeks (possibly days) I was totally dry. I didn’t pump on the vacation and didn’t have any problems. Again, A was older, but I think she wasn’t actually getting as much as I thought she was. She was already eating a full range of foods (like it sounds like Caroline is) so it was really sort of easy once it got down to it.
I know it’s bittersweet. But have confidence in your own decisions. You are a great mom.
We did this method too (Cora was also older and still sleeping with us), telling her that everyone is sleeping and she should go to sleep too. It worked, eventually, but she was pretty stubborn! It took months-our ultimate goal was to just get her to sleep for more than 5 hours or so, which turned out to be a big waste of time because at 2.5 years she STILL doesn’t sleep through the night. I planned to nurse her until her 2nd birthday (this past May), so after the first of the year I went to three feedings, all associated with sleep (night, nap and wake up) and told her that “mommy doesn’t make milk during the day anymore.” I also tried to shorten the time of nursing, especially at bedtime. We started using the 5-3-1 minute warning for all transitions, so I did that for nursing too, shortening the time each night (I think the song idea another commenter made is great).
We went to two nursings in March (dropping the morning one because it was easy to distract her with breakfast), then once I found I was pregnant I just stopped and it was strangely not that traumatic for her.
Sorry for the ramble, but I think you just have to commit to a plan and stick with it-chances are it will be harder on you than her (Cora LOVED nursing so I thought it would be a disaster but she really did fine). And having the goal of a vacation with your husband, alone…I mean, I might stop nursing tomorrow if I thought I could make that happen! I’ve spent one night away from Cora and I’m pretty sure that’s when I got pregnant, so I’m probably not willing to risk that again anytime soon :)
“crying in the shower while hand expressing milk” should be a scene in a sitcom or movie. I laughed out loud when I imagined that.
No advice here. I only breastfed for six weeks with babe #1 and four months (which was a huge coups for me) with #2. I just want to say I think you’re awesome and you completely, totally, without any mommy-guilt DESERVE to do what YOU want to do. Good luck!
Let me just start by saying that this is not a helpful comment nor is it on topic. But. Do you ever wonder if our blog posts are going to keep our kids out of college? I do. I’m also slightly unhinged.
I’m hoping by the time they go to college the internet will have imploded and all this will be lost forever. Because otherwise they are totally screwed.
i’m only slightly jealous of your awesome coming-vacation! i don’t have any advice except good for you for weaning when YOU’RE ready. if anyone makes you feel like you should go longer then poo on them because how long you nurse is so personal & no one can tell you otherwise. parker was weaned by 11 months & honestly? after we were done i was like, “dang… why didn’t i end this earlier??” nursing is awesome & has so many perks. but being done? also awesome.
YES. I know I am going to be a little sad but the idea of wearing a dress that doesn’t button down the front is VERY EXCITING.
WORD.
[…] are awesome! Jill from Baby Rabies wrote about crying it out, Suzanne from Bebeh Blog wrote about weaning off breast feeding, and Katie from Sluiter Nation wrote about choosing to have a repeat […]
I know how you’re feeling. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with weaning C at any time that makes sense for your family – it’s your call, your family, and your life! I weaned my little one over a couple of months, starting when he was 13 months old. I was a little worried about him geting enough nutrition, and I was also worried about how painful the process could be for me. But it turned out to be not so bad. First, I started offering milk and a snack when he was hungry during the day. If that didn’t work, I nursed him but only for 10 minutes (his previous norm had been 15-20 minutes). That started to reduce my supply pretty quickly. Then, we did the meanie-parents thing and cut out his one night feeding, using the cry-it-out method. That took about 3 nights of listening to him cry for 15, 10, then 5 minutes before going back to sleep until morning. After a week or so, of no night feedings, I dropped the first-thing-in-the-morning feeding. After that, he was pretty receptive to dropping the other feedings one by one, until it was just the bedtime feeding left. When I thought it was time (I think about 2 more weeks), we dropped that one and offered a sippy of milk just before teeth brushing time. He didn’t really complain by that point, and I managed to never be particularly uncomfortable since we dropped the feedings so slowly… Hope this helps!
That was exactly me when Kendall turned a year old! Except I was planning on going on a weekend Bachelorette party when he turned 14 months old. Andplusalso, I was DONE. Completely touched out and done. I did the don’t offer but don’t refuse thing, and we gradually eliminated one session at a time, beginning when he was 11 months old. Though, really, he self weaned a great deal, in that I guess since I wasn’t offering it, he was too distracted by other things to ask for it. He also ate solids like a BOSS at that point.
Now, Leyna, on the other hand, I’m just keeping on with the breastfeeding because I have no idea how I’d wean her right now! She nurses way more at this age than Kendall did, and she will practically undress me when she’s hungry. She eats solids, but she’s not super into them. Though, since I’m really not pressed to wean her, I haven’t tried to distract her or stopped offering at the normal times.
Good luck to you! And WAY TO GO YOU! Also, I hate you for being able to go on a cruise.
I have to tell you, when I read your post about weaning Kendall while I was still nursing Evan I was like “OMG HOW DID SHE DO THAT?!?” Evan was like Leyna is now, not into solids, nursing all the time and I had NO idea how to get him to sleep without it. I imagined weaning a one year old would be horribly traumatic for everyone. But this time around one of my first stops was rereading that post because Caroline LOVES food and is easily distracted. She just also really loves boobs.
I second the suggestions for dropping the nighttime feedings first. Get the hardest out of the way first. I started weaning at 12 months too and was done by 14 months. Also, my daughter never really got the hang of sippy cups so I tried a straw cup and she got the hang of that pretty quick. I didn’t have to worry about weaning her off sippy cups at some point that way. I’d drop a feeding and wait a week or so before dropping another one. The nighttime ones took the longest. Having my husband put her back to sleep really really helped. The supply took care of itself thankfully. Stay strong and don’t give in, it might confuse her. Good luck!!
I think you are being CRAZY UN-SELFISH!!! You are thinking about what your parents will go through, how Evan will deal with sleepy grandparents, your husband left at various places on a cruise while you go to pump, and your daughters needs and wants! You have done a wonderful job nursing your kids, and it will not affect her long term life to wean now. As for advice, Carol always said there was nothing that would dry you up enough to make weaning easier. Sage will deminish your supply some, but wont do it all, anti-hystimines (I am a horrible speller and too lazy to get up and check a package!!) will help at the very end when there is very little still being produced and Cabage leaves reduce gland swelling and redness, but dont help witht the drying….so she says. I would try them ALL!!! And hope for the best. When T was done, it was a no big deal for him. I was CRUSHED, but I told him we were done, he asked 3 more times over the course of 2 weeks and that was that. He was over 2 though. Night time weaning for us started at this age though. I cut out all feedings from 11-6 right from the get go. He was up every 45 mins to nurse at that point. The first night SUCKED…really bad. And then he would wake and scream at me and nothing would help him. Eventually it was nothing until we got up for the day and right as he was falling asleep….Those 2 feedings ended up being the last 2 feedings to go over a year later. I have since realized that T never slept at night because he dreams alot and nothing will ever make him sleep for me! But that is a different conversation!
So my ramblings conclude with: You are soooo sweet for doing this for everyone else in your family. I hope it goes easilly for you! And seriously, I miss you!!!!
BE CONSISTENT. This is a struggle with me, as my kid is a junkie. I cut out night feedings, but sometimes, it sucked SO MUCH because it was the middle of the night and I knew she would just stop screaming if I gave in, and I was so tired and I couldn’t do it and FINE HERE HAVE A BOOB.
Which then started me over at square one.
Also, lots of people have luck dropping one feeding at a time every few days or every week. I’ve been able to do one a month. I’m telling you, she’s a junkie. But, once I decided that I had to be consistent 100% NO MATTER WHAT even if I felt like I might actually die from the screaming, she adapted much more quickly.
Now she just feels me up and lays her head down on my boob to soothe herself during the day. Progress!