A hundred years ago, I knew how to relax (Charleston SC August 2006)

Can I say that ANY MORE CLEARLY??

All over the internet (and in real life) I hear moms say “I wish I got a day off” or “I could use a break” or “When do I get a sick day?” or “I can’t wait to go on that vacation”. But those statements are ALWAYS prefaced by this:

“I love my kid, but…”

Without fail.

Usually it’s a lot more than just “I love my kid” too. Sometimes it’s whole paragraphs and posts and speeches about how they are the luckiest women on the planet, with darling, adorable, well-behaved children, super awesome supportive husbands, perfect magazine-cover lives and great hair. They just…need a minute. Maybe two. And a cocktail.

I’m not saying I DON’T love my kid. I am just as guilty as everyone else of worrying people will think I’m a terrible mother if I want him to go away sometimes. He’s exhausting. It’s not so much that feeding and caring for one small child is incredibly strenuous – heck, you can pay a teenager to keep your kid alive for a few hours for less than minimum wage and most of them are happy to do it – but EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME NO STOPPING NO BREAKS will make you crazy.

For the record, here’s what happened when I got my break: There was absolutely no whining. I stayed out late. I called to check in and was happy to hear everything was fine. I was not a sobbing, teary mess at being separated from my kid for a couple days, although when I got back I was actually HAPPY to let him climb all over me instead of wanting to claw my skin off and hide under the covers. It was glorious.

And I’m going to do it again.

I’m not saying if you DO cry when you’re away from your baby there’s something wrong with you – it took me more that a year of NEVER being away from Baby Evan to get to the point where I could even consider leaving for a weekend. But there’s no “Saddest Mommy” medal being handed out to the person with the most tears and guilt. Let it go. Recharge. Have a cocktail. Get away.

TAKE A BREAK.

It might just make you a better mom.

I am obsessed with knitting. OBSESSED. Which is a really strong feeling for someone who’s only knit two badly misshapen baby washcloths and knows almost nothing. But my plans are huge – HUGE I TELL YOU.  I’ve already ordered several balls of yarn, a bunch of needles and a pattern for a hat and scarf that is FAR too ambitious for my very minimal skill set. Luckily I have that set of moms in the Mother of Purl group who can hold my hand through the beginning stages and the vocabulary and remind me not to knit with the long tail AGAIN because I won’t get very far. I don’t think time is going to be a problem because knitting is a perfect evening activity. It’s just as mind numbing and calming and just as easy to do while watching crappy TV as Bejewled or Tetris or Twitterstalking but you actually have something to show for your time when you’re done. And hopefully the things I have to show are adorable little baby socks and accessories. If you have children, better start practicing your “It’s beautiful! I love it!” face because there is a really crooked baby hat not too far in your future. YOU’RE WELCOME.

There’s actually a fairly high chance I’ve just spent a bunch of money on a hobby I’m going to give up or get tired of in a couple months. Quitting my hobbies is sort of my hobby.