Posts Tagged ‘bad mommy’

Needing a break does not make you bad mom

Monday, August 30th, 2010

A hundred years ago, I knew how to relax (Charleston SC August 2006)

Can I say that ANY MORE CLEARLY??

All over the internet (and in real life) I hear moms say “I wish I got a day off” or “I could use a break” or “When do I get a sick day?” or “I can’t wait to go on that vacation”. But those statements are ALWAYS prefaced by this:

“I love my kid, but…”

Without fail.

Usually it’s a lot more than just “I love my kid” too. Sometimes it’s whole paragraphs and posts and speeches about how they are the luckiest women on the planet, with darling, adorable, well-behaved children, super awesome supportive husbands, perfect magazine-cover lives and great hair. They just…need a minute. Maybe two. And a cocktail.

I’m not saying I DON’T love my kid. I am just as guilty as everyone else of worrying people will think I’m a terrible mother if I want him to go away sometimes. He’s exhausting. It’s not so much that feeding and caring for one small child is incredibly strenuous – heck, you can pay a teenager to keep your kid alive for a few hours for less than minimum wage and most of them are happy to do it – but EVERY DAY ALL THE TIME NO STOPPING NO BREAKS will make you crazy.

For the record, here’s what happened when I got my break: There was absolutely no whining. I stayed out late. I called to check in and was happy to hear everything was fine. I was not a sobbing, teary mess at being separated from my kid for a couple days, although when I got back I was actually HAPPY to let him climb all over me instead of wanting to claw my skin off and hide under the covers. It was glorious.

And I’m going to do it again.

I’m not saying if you DO cry when you’re away from your baby there’s something wrong with you – it took me more that a year of NEVER being away from Baby Evan to get to the point where I could even consider leaving for a weekend. But there’s no “Saddest Mommy” medal being handed out to the person with the most tears and guilt. Let it go. Recharge. Have a cocktail. Get away.


It might just make you a better mom.

Mom Confessions: Don’t Tell Anyone

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

– One of Baby Evan’s favorite games is called “Try to grab the dog’s junk”. The dog almost always loses this game. I usually just laugh.

– When we’re having a really difficult nap time, sometimes I yell “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD PLEASE GO TO SLEEP CHILD!” really loud…and he almost always goes right to sleep.

– Things I’ve used to wipe the baby’s nose include: my sleeve, his sleeve, his sock, anything I can grab from the dirty laundry basket, stuffed toys, felt at the craft store, paper towels, cloth diapers. Almost never used: tissues.

– When the baby’s nails get really long and he scratches himself I feel bad. When he starts scratching ME I pin him down and finally trim them.

– Anytime Baby Evan is awake I stare at the dirty dishes and the unmopped floor and the laundry to be folded and think about how much I could be getting done if he would leave me alone. And yet, every time he goes down for a nap I manage to waste the whole time on Twitter/email/knitting/USWeekly/picking my nose.

– I cleaned the rug my child plays on for the first time today. I shook TWO CUPS of dirt out…after I had already vacuumed.

– Baby Evan has fallen on his head approximately 3 billion times in the past two months and I have yet to call the doctor. No blood, no loss of consciousness, and yet somehow I feel like a good mother would be much more concerned.

– I am secretly and silently smug that my son is walking at 10 months because it reinforces my belief he’s a genius although I try really really hard not to bring it up unless someone asks. No one likes Smug Mommy.

– I do not check all our toys for safety and lead content online and have been known to allow my kid to chew on plastic rubber duckies made in China. I figure it’s better than his favorite thing to chew on – Mountain Dew cans.

– None of this stuff keeps me up at night.