29. She’s 29 months. Or really, she turned 29 months back on the 19th and it never even crossed my mind. I only realized yesterday I had missed it at all, when someone asked how old she was and I said she was almost two AND A HALF. I’m going to try to stick it out and keep these up until she hits 3 – WAY TOO SOON! – but I’m sure the rest of them will be late too.

Caroline no longer approves of nicknames. I used to call her “babe”, which was short for “baby baby”, but now she shouts “DON’T CALL ME BABE CALL ME CAH-YINE!” (She has trouble saying Care-o-line. A lot of trouble. It probably doesn’t help that we say “Care-line” with just a tiny “eh” where the “o” should be. And like I said, she doesn’t approve of nicknames.) Evan has realized she hates being called babe, so of course now he does it constantly. We’ll all be sitting on the couch nicely, everyone getting along and being adorable and homey like a Norman Rockwell painting, and Evan will look at her and go “BABE.” Then it’s like The Scream up in here, but with sound effects.

She’s just about the bravest 2-year-old I’ve ever seen. She likes people in animal costumes. She likes petting sharks. She likes when her Daddy jumps out from behind things and roars. She likes old ladies in the grocery store who talk to her. I’m sure she’ll get some stranger danger awareness at some point, but right now it sure is nice not to worry about it. I’m pretty sure I could drop her off at the mall and she’d take care of herself by conning the pretzel guy into feeding her and the lady in the educational store into playing with her and the security guard into giving her rides on his Segway. I WON’T, obviously, I’m just saying.

Of course, she’s also VERY VERY TWO sometimes. So very two. She’ll look me right in my big, stupid face and do the thing I just told her not to do. She insists on putting on her own shoes and coat and backpack and hat and doing her own top buckle on her car seat. She is very bossy about the radio and wants me to play “More Macklemore! MACKLEMOOOOORE MOMMY!” in the car, although she’s also a fan of Beethoven and Laurie Berkner.

She absolutely REFUSES to look at the camera when I want to take pictures.

Likes including singing, dancing, jumping, water, running, ducks, apples, watermelon, juice, cheeseburgers, dogs, kitties, sharks, the aquarium, boats, princesses, pants, sparkly things, lollipops, rainbows, caterpillars, school, making a mess, ruining things, “helping”, insisting on going potty in disgusting public bathrooms, Phineas & Ferb, Diego, Minnie Mouse, books, more books, socks, ALL THE BOOKS, cuddles, Daddy, Mommy, Evan, cheese, sprinkle donuts, and swinging.

Dislikes include nicknames, being told “no”, going home when she’d rather be at the playground, getting stuff in her eyes, and when people won’t share food.

p.s. ERIN DON’T LOOK THERE ARE BIRDS!! (Erin doesn’t like birds.)

Humidity makes her hair super curly. I’m so jealous.

29 Month Milestones (BabyCenter changed their milestone chart so it’s just a list. I’m using Evan’s old milestone posts to see specific months – here’s his 29 month post!)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – She mostly brushed them on her own and does a great job – no cavities! AND AND AND she let the dental hygienist brush her teeth at her appointment without a single complaint.
• Washes and dries own hands – Washes, yes. Dries, yes, if you mean “wipes them on Mommy’s pants EVERY TIME.”
• Draws a vertical line – She draws circles. Just circles. Counter-clockwise circles. It’s a little creepy at this point, like she’s trying to convey some alien message.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – See above.
• Balances on one foot – Balances on one foot ON A BALANCE BEAM because my kid is totally better than yours.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – Sort of. She can put on her jammies but usually backwards.
• Names one color – She can name a whole bunch of colors, but mostly only notices if stuff is PINK or PURPLE.
• Names one friend – I just asked her if she had a friend at school and she said “Yes! William! William just pushed me at school!” so apparently she has a friend named William and also WTF WILLIAM??  Mostly she tells me I’M her best friend (or Daddy, or Evan).

Everything about Little Evan has grown exponentially larger in the last month. He’s taller – tall enough to reach a whole new section of the kitchen counter that’s no longer safe for scissors of matches or long sharp pointy knives. He’s stronger – he can open the fridge all by himself now, God help me. He’s louder – SO MUCH LOUDER. And he’s smarter – he learns new words every minute, remembers practically everything, and has a better high score on Angry Birds than I do.

He also has so many more FEELINGS. He’s trapped in a glass case of emotion! Things are SO GREAT but also SO SAD and he is SO EXCITED to be here but he is SO ANGRY you told him not to lick that hand railing. It makes going out in public as stressful as playing Russian Roulette and honestly I’ve cut back on our social activities quite a bit. It’s just so much easier to stay home and play blocks and each snacks and let him watch TV while I do the laundry and nurse the baby and some days I just need things to be easy. Geez, why didn’t anyone tell me parenting was going to be so HARD?

We’ve been working on all the pre-schooly type stuff – letters and numbers and counting and colors – but if you try to tell him the number after six is seven he will YELL AT YOU. Although he gets fourteen right every single time. Since we’re not doing preschool (or pre-preschool or whatever you send your 2-year-old to this fall), I’m going to try to do more of that learning-type stuff, but the kid is only TWO. He doesn’t really NEED to know his numbers when he can’t even wipe his own butt.

Speaking of wiping his own butt…wait, no. I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s just say he is 100% capable of being potty trained RIGHT NOW if he didn’t refuse to poop in the toilet. Because obviously hiding behind the laundry basket and pooping in his diaper is WAY more fun. What. Ever.

Favorite things include dinosaurs, fish, ducks, trucks, bubble baths, diggers, bars (granola or Nutrigrain, not like where you order beer), eating cherries all by himself, Nick Jr, being tickled, giving kisses, naps, naming different kinds of sports, lemonade, milk, Sun Chips (thanks to his father), books, piggy back rides and RUNNING FAST.

Least favorite things are still being told NO, being told to apologize to his sister, leaving somewhere if he’s having fun (but to be fair, NO ONE likes that), watching mama’s show aka the news, booboos, wearing shoes, spicy food and the part in Harry Potter with the snake.

"Sit DOWN, Mama. We sit DOWN."

Commanding his tiny invisible army.

BALL KICK!

All the gingers

I SORRY MAMA. I SORRY, NO HIT SISTER. SORRY BEBEH. SORRY!!!

Happy 29 Months Little Man!

29 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Brushes teeth with help – Evan is a master tooth brusher, if you don’t count the part where he mostly just chews on the bristles and sucks all the toothpaste off.
• Washes and dries own hands – He would ask his hands all day long if I let him. In his toddler dream house there are sinks in EVERY ROOM.
• Draws a vertical line – No, he only draws diagonal lines. But if I turn the paper they’re vertical, so SCREW YOU Baby Center and your stupid milestone that I am totally counting as a YES.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Draws a circle – Yes, but don’t tell him that. He thinks he’s drawing actual stuff, like fish or kitties.
• Balances on one foot – Yes, the better to roundhouse kick you in the junk.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Puts on a T-shirt – He THINKS he can put on a t-shirt, but he always ends up tied in a knot with his arm stuck through the head hole. And because I’m such a great mom, I laugh at him EVERY TIME.
• Names one color – He can name red, blue, yellow, orange, and white, but when you ask “What color is this?” he only gets it right about 75% of the time.
• Names one friend – Little Evan has 2 best friends, Tristan and Amelia. He calls them “Triss and Ayahyah”. He LOVES them and asks to see them every day. It makes my heart explode with happiness.