Size Matters

Dear Sales Lady at Motherhood Maternity,

While I am truly flattered that after the…very thorough once-over, you sized up my butt and decided to keep bringing me mediums (even in those Heidi Klum maternity jeggings)(which were a crime against both women and eyes everywhere) please listen to me when I talk. I want larges. LARGE. L. It’s written right on the label so they shouldn’t be hard to find. Yes, I’m sure the medium would fit me fine right now but I’m planning to be pregnant for a couple more months. Maternity jeans are not like regular jeans, where the brand with the best vanity sizing wins and I’m willing to wear Spanx just to get into a pair I’ve been holding on to since college. I’ve got enough uncomfortable stuff going on in my crotchal area without too-tight pants. Things are only getting bigger for the next 11 weeks and I’d like these jeans to fit until I have to peel them off to, you know, get the baby out. Thanks for understanding.



p.s. Sorry about my kid chewing on those shirts. I know I should have bought them but dude, they were REALLY ugly. Hopefully that sweater I grabbed made up for it.

p.p.s. I could have done without the crazy-eyes when I turned down your offer of free formula and diaper coupons too. Not crazy. Just not interested.

p.p.p.s. But good job on doing at least 10000x better than the last time I went into your store.

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4 Responses to “Size Matters”

  1. sarrible says:

    Isn’t “Motherhood Maternity” cripplingly redundant?

  2. Laura says:

    I so don’t miss shopping for maternity clothes. It was such an ordeal! And then I grew out of my size L maternity pants from Motherhood Maternity a few weeks before I had Shelby. Boy, that was fun! I just kept wearing the same XL sweats over and over. Hang in there!

  3. That’s funny. I wear that place is just a big conspiracy. The last time I went there (oh so long ago?) the sales lady told me she COULD NOT let me buy anything until I gave them all my information. Like the computer couldn’t complete the transaction until I was “in the system” with my name, address, phone number and the deed to my soul. And when I was like “either just let me buy this or I’m walking” and she just looked at me with shock and disbelief and said “well then you won’t be eligible for our gift bag”. (FINE BY ME! I guess the memory of the whole David’s Bridal fiasco was still too fresh in my mind). Then I was leaving with my illegal purchase she gave me a gift bag anyway. Filled with crap! What a load of crap!!!

  4. michgal18 says:

    I stopped shopping there after the woman (in Waterford…), who was clearly not pregnant…or really even close to child bearing age…told me she really loved such and such pants (obviously maternity) because she could put them on WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT ZIPPERING OR BUTTONING. Umm…REALLY? These are things you shouldn’t tell people. But she didn’t stop there…she went on to tell me how convinient they are to wear when she is working in case she is in the bathroom and someone comes into the store. That way she can come right out. Ummm…yeah…what about a hand washing??

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