Ways in which I am totally, completely, 100% keeping it together:

1. I’ve taken the trash and recycling out in time every week so far.
2. I’m almost caught up on laundry and dishes (as much as it’s really possible to be with a house full of children to clothe and feed).
3. I cleaned the bathroom floor on my hands and knees with a sponge.
4. I scrubbed out the sink with lots of chemicals, so it’s nice and white.
5. I dropped off the bin of clothes and the baby swing at the consignment shop.
6. All the Halloween decorations are up!
7. I made an important but unpleasant phone call, like a grown up does.
8. I have a photo session scheduled for Saturday, complete with a contract, childcare, and a fun new location.
9. I stopped eating a pint of ice cream every night and I’ve lost five pounds.
10. All four children were washed with soap and water last night.

Ways in which I am completely, unquestionably, 100% falling apart:

1. The dog has a broken nail and even though I keep cleaning it and wrapping it I’m pretty sure he’s going to need very expensive vet treatment.
2. I have a huge stack of school papers I haven’t even read yet, half of which needed to be signed and sent back last week.
3. I have a huge bruise from walking into a parking sign, a ripped toenail from tripping on the carpet, and a painful cut on my elbow that is of mysterious origin.
4. Evan and Caroline are both now signed up for super expensive activities and I don’t actually know how I’m going to pay for it.
5. I forgot to order groceries so the kids will be eating PB&J for dinner again.
6. The light in the upstairs hallway burned out and I cannot figure out how to take the cover off to replace the bulb.
7. The tires for the snow blower are at a tire shop somewhere. I haven’t figured out where or gone to get them.
8. The lawn is a disaster.
9. I haven’t drunk a single thing that didn’t contain caffeine in weeks.
10. I spend far too much time fighting with jerks on the internet because I need somewhere to direct my frustration.
11. Every bedroom in the house is a mess.
12. I saw a mouse the other day but haven’t caught any mice in the mouse traps so there is still a mouse somewhere.
13. I’ve planned to go for walks/get coffee/have playdates/get together with at least a dozen friends and not followed through or shown up for any of them.
14. I forgot to meet the bus at the corner yesterday.
15. The baby chewed through my computer cord, like he’s a rabid animal.

So right now the mess side is definitely winning. If I can hold it together until Sunday I can move some of my to-dos to the finished column and slowly, s l o w l y, slowly maybe shift the balance over so I don’t feel like I’m slipping into chaos. It’s going to mean saying no to some stuff I don’t want to say no to, being a little more patient with my children who cannot seem to remember simple things like “wash the shampoo out BEFORE turning off the shower”, and maybe drinking a bottle of water every once in a while.

Tags: busy, i am a mess, life, motherhood, parenting, things I hate, things I love