Waiter, just bring me the whole cow
Holy hell does breastfeeding make me hungry.* I had to sit on my hands to keep from eating an entire extra-large pizza on Sunday. At BJ’s my stomach almost climbed up my throat and ripped open a box of Oreo’s entirely on its own. I had lunch less than 3 hours ago and I’m already dying for dinner. And the thirst! My mouth feels like I’ve been eating sand the minutes the baby latches on. I don’t know what all that “breastfeeding helps you lose the baby weight” foolishness is about. Anyone who can fight this level of hunger wasn’t fat to begin with and probably didn’t attempt to eat their weight in York Peppermint Patties during their pregnancy. You know those Weight Watchers commercials where hunger is a cute, fuzzy, orange monster? My hunger is like that thing was bitten by a radioactive spider, injected with gamma radiation, implanted with Adamantium claws and then locked in a basement without food or water for two weeks. YOU WON’T LIKE ME WHEN I’M HUNGRY. Also, I clearly need to watch some movies not based on comic books.
*I actually have no idea if this hunger has anything to do with breastfeeding, it just seems like a convenient thing to blame it on. I doubt all my couch sitting and napping is burning enough calories to require more than a cup of tea as sustenance. The thirst thing is a medical fact.