I'm ready for my AARP membership

My back pain from before moved up to my neck, where it’s been torturing me for a week. I couldn’t turn my head left. I couldn’t lie on the couch or sleep on my side. I was taking Tylenol until my Fit Pregnancy magazine informed me it could give my baby asthma*, so I’ve just been suffering. I can totally sympathize with a toad being poked with a sharp stick. So I decided this toad would hop on down to the Y for a few laps in the pool.

Ok, I’m lying. I didn’t swim laps. I swam one lap and got bored. I hate putting my face in the water so I just breast stroke like a loser, keeping my head up. Even the old people were laughing at me. So I said SHOVE IT OLD PEOPLE, you want to make fun of my swimming? I’ll show you! OK, so I didn’t say it out loud, but I did join the water aerobics class. Ha, that’ll show the old people. You think you’re old? I take water aerobics! Actually, I really enjoyed the class. It wasn’t hard but I did get my heart rate up. Most exercise makes me nauseous, but the nice warm water kept my insides from bouncing around too much. I’m definitely going back for class next week, even if it does make me 70 years old. At least I’ll be a 79 year old with nice definition in my arms.

*Of course, this info was in the same magazine as the article telling me that using topical self tanners and nail polish might give my baby flippers. Oh, and that the “new and improved” weight gain suggestion for someone with my pre-pregnancy BMI was 15 lbs. ARE THEY JOKING? My boobs alone weigh 15 lbs!

5 Responses to “I'm ready for my AARP membership”

  1. lalaland13 says:

    15 pounds? I can gain that right before my period, for crying out loud.

  2. stacyinbean says:

    @lalaland13 – And that’s JUST the water weight, not the “ZOMG I’m starving and can eat an entire buffet of food” days I have right before mine…

  3. FF says:

    When we were on vacay in the DR, I did water aerobics every damn day, just because it was ridiculously fun. The leader was this crazy man who wore a speedo and would dance around on the beach and the rest of us would bob around in the water mimicking him. So, I don’t think it makes you AARP worthy to do water aerobics. I think more people would do it if they knew how fun it is!

  4. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Holy.Hell…a single boob weighs 15 pounds during my period! What kind of writers produce those articles – pixie faries?!

  5. TheDomina says:

    I’m with everyone on the holy crap I gain 15 lbs during my period, never mind with someone growing inside me. Also water aerobics ROCK!

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