My love of Christmas is SO INCREDIBLY STRONG it can actually make me kind of Scroogish. I just like my traditions to be the SAME every year. That’s why they’re TRADITIONS. You know those books that list all the questions you and your partner should discuss before getting married? “What kind of lights go on the house?” should be NUMBER ONE. Otherwise you might end up shouting at each other over colored vs. white vs. blinky lights. Not that we would do that – I married within my own Christmas rules.

The house can't even CONTAIN all the Christmas, which makes the front porch Holiday Central.

1. Colored lights go on the tree/in the house. White lights go on the outside of the house. NO EXCEPTIONS. And absolutely no blinking.

Outside lights are hard to see during daytime photos, but they are white.

Tree = colored lights

Colored lights on the banister seemed like a good idea, until the toddler tried to throw himself down the stairs to see them.

2. Ornaments are meant to be collected over many years, so when you eventually become a grown up and have your own tree you have your own treasured ornaments. None of this a different-theme-for-each-year bs with all green or all red or whatever. And for the love of tiny Christmas Baby Jesus, LABEL them.

3. REAL TREE. Best when cut down one’s self in the freezing cold but any real tree is still ok. I will consider exceptions for allergies, but only with a doctor’s note.

We have this same photo (minus 1 belly and 1 toddler) for the last 5 years. I'm "helping" while E cuts it down.

4. Stockings shall contain: candy, socks, Chapstick, fruit. Amended to include pistachios, per E’s request. Additional items are welcome but the above are non-negotiable.

5. One (1) present may be opened on Christmas Eve, especially if it contains holiday themed pajamas/clothes to wear to candlelit service.

6. Speaking of presents, unless they are from Santa they go under the tree as they are wrapped/received so there is plenty of time for shaking and guessing.

Despite the late state in getting this place all Christmasy, we’re in pretty good shape. All the rules have been followed and if I were to go into labor right now I’d have a lovely, well-lit, pine-smelling house to bring my holiday baby home to. None of our relatives will get their gifts until February (I am DREADING the trip to the post office) but hey, we’ve got our own gifts wrapped and ready!

Now, who wants to fight over real vs. fake trees?