Today I present a list of stuff that makes me anxious:

1. Wondering if I do every day things the “normal” way. Brushing my teeth, putting on mascara, folding laundry, sweeping, taking off my socks…do other people have better ways of doing these things?

2. Thinking about whether or not houses in commercials are ACTUAL HOUSES or just SETS MADE TO LOOK AT HOUSES. I think it’s probably about a 50/50 split but which ones are which??

3. The part of tv or radio interviews right at the end when the interviewer is wrapping it up and transitioning to the next part of the show. I always worry on behalf of both parties that something awkward will happen and they’ll end up talking over each other or the interviewee won’t get a chance to say “thanks for having me” in a gracious way. I actually SIGH WITH RELIEF when interviews end smoothly.

4. Parking. I have been a licensed driver for almost 13 years and yet I still get nervous EVERY TIME I have to park anywhere near another car. Also, I would rather park two miles away than turn right into a parking spot.

5. Wearing shorts. No explanation needed.

6. Watching movies/tv shows where all the characters (usually involving lots of men) look the same or reading books where all the names start with the same letter (Example movie: Lord of the Rings). Instead of just NOT WATCHING/READING them I get all sweaty palmed and confused and asking people around me “wait, who is that person related to? didn’t he just kill that other guy? or was that whats-his-name?”

7. Coming up with three more things for this list so I can have an even 10 because who does a “Top 7” list? That’s not even a thing! How can I publish a list with ONLY SEVEN THINGS?  But thinking about the first six items is giving me heart palpitations so I’m quitting now.

TUESDAY MORNING EDIT: I thought of more stuff! Because why read a nice book at 11 pm when you can instead anxiously make lists of more things that make you anxious and then worry so much you will forget them in the morning you can’t sleep?

8. Anything involving a telephone (answering calls, ordering food, calling the doctor’s office, making appointments, even calling my friends), but ESPECIALLY checking my voicemail. I get sort of nervous as soon as the phone starts to ring but the thought of letting the person calling leave a message that I then have to CHECK and maybe even RETURN THE CALL is just ridiculous. I would prefer all interaction take place over the internet.

9. Remembering specific incidents I handled badly at the time but later thought of just the thing I SHOULD have done/said. These are not usually recent incidents, but instead stuff that happened years ago, maybe in college or in high school. Something reminds me of that moment in my past and I spend ALL DAY replaying it in my head and worrying about whether or not the entire course of my life would be different if I had just said the RIGHT THING.