I don't wanna be an oven

My family didn’t really do Halloween growing up – instead we attended church “Fall Festivals” that involved dressing up in costumes, bobbing for apples and eating candy. But everyone was certain to make sure we weren’t sacrificing goats or holding seances in the Sunday School classrooms. No devil worship here, people!  Now that I’m a grown up with my own rules, I LOVE Halloween. I refuse to leave my house on the 31st so I don’t miss any trick-or-treaters. I’ve decorated my front steps, lawn, porch and entryway. My husband thinks I’m completely insane and I don’t care. Since I’m a terrible, mean wife who refuses to go to a “real” (spoken: lots of alcohol and slutty costumes) Halloween party, we’re probably going to host one instead. But if we have a party it means wearing my sweatpants and bunny ears don’t really qualify as dressing up. Since I’m already knocked up, I don’t think being a slutty-anything is appropriate. But an internet search for “maternity Halloween” turns up almost NOTHING. Witch, devil, angel, rag doll – regular cheap costumes with empire waists for my belly. Boring and ugly. The only pregnancy themed costume I’ve found is an oven – get it, bun in the oven? Blah. I’m not sopregnant that I have to wear something maternity, but I’d like to do something clever, original and funny that somehow involves my current fertilised state. I was trying to figure out how to be Bristol Palin (with E in a flannel shirt and trucker cap for her boyfriend) but can’t figure out how to do it without just wearing a name tag. Any ideas?

10 Responses to “I don't wanna be an oven”

  1. Erin (i dont have a fake name :( ) says:

    What about a Wasilla High School Cheerleader outfit???

  2. sarrible says:

    Well, here’s a costume: Belly for Obama.

    Or you could be Angelina Jolie. E is blond enough to be Brad, you just need a wig and to draw on some tattoos. And carry around some multicolored Cabbage Patch dolls.

  3. Erin (i dont have a fake name :( ) says:

    to add to that…..You could get a red sweater and a red skirt (or blue or whatever matches) and put Wasilla High on the front and than put Palin and a number on the back and then wear sneakers and carry some pom-poms and then anyone who can’t figure that out is a dumbass!

  4. Erin (i dont have a fake name :( ) says:

    that’s pretty funny, what Sarrible said. I like that too.

  5. FourInchHeels says:

    You can always opt for pregnant nun! I don’t know if you’ll have enough of a belly yet to do it, but that’s always good for some laughs.

    Or you could be a treasure troll! Wear a belly shirt (yes it’s short, but it’s not for the purpose of being slutty), glue a jewel to your chest, and then tease your hair straight up (preferably after being dyed!)

    Last year I saw someone walking around as an angel with a sign saying “The devil made me do it” .. and the guy she was with (baby daddy?) was dressed as the devil.

    Heck, you could even dress like Santa!

  6. sarrible says:

    I didn’t mean to post that twice. Stupid work computer.

    If you were feeling really ambitious, you could paint yourself red and run around smashing through walls yelling “OH YEAH!!”

    Or this is something a friend of Ali’s did when she was pregnant at Halloween: Pumpkin Belly. Of course, her kid was born in November.

    Oooh! OR! You could tape a toy alien to your belly and be John Hurt in Alien! Hell, I might do that my own damn self.

  7. SarahMC says:

    OMG yes, please be a troll doll!

  8. stacyinbean says:

    Pregnant Nun is MY FAVORITE COSTUME EVERRRRRRR! EVER!

    E can be a priest, that’s pretty easy too!

    Also, you would make a great Britney Spears but we might be too late for that…

    here’s a list i found

    http://www.mamablogga.com/pregnancy-and-maternity-costumes/

  9. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Go for the Angelina look, just make sure you pin bags of Cheetos to the Cabbage Patch babies!

    Give us a pic of what you finally choose!

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