Babies babies babies babies babies babies

So I know this post was days ago and I know no one was trying to insult me and I know I should probably think about something else – like how to get the new cat to stop pooping under the radiator or where the heck my husband is – but I’m incapable of dropping things. On Tuesday, Dodai posted a story on Jezebel about how she’s sick of hearing about “baby bumps” (Warning: profanity). I understood her opinion to be mostly about celebrities babies, because none of us know those kids, or will ever meet those kids, or will ever buy those kids birthday presents, so who cares? But some of the commenters expanded the idea to be about ANYTHING baby related. A couple people complained about their friend’s Facebook updates. To quote one of them:

“I don’t care about your morning sickness, your ultrasound looks like a blob, and the tummy photo updates are annoying (every week!!!!), not cute.”

One of the reasons I’m writing about my pregnancy in blog format is so I don’t annoy the crap out of people who are uninterested. It is possible to be friends with me and NOT hear about my uterus. I bet I even have friends who still don’t even know I’m pregnant. THAT BEING SAID, having a child is a huge deal for the person doing it. It consumes all your thoughts for most of your waking hours. You cannot escape your own body or how your body feels or all the crazy things your body is doing. But if I want to publish pictures of my belly on Facebook or let the people who really do care how my latest ultrasound went know, then you can just SHOVE IT baby-hater. Facebook is meant to be a huge waste of time where people can keep their friends informed of everytinydetail of their lives. These are some of the things my friends currently have as their statuses (statusi?):
__________ is on vacation!
 _________had her Vietnamese sandwich fix. All is well once again.
_________is pleasantly surprised by her whole-wheat, angel hair pasta. It totally doesn’t taste like cardboard at all.
__________ could not be more excited about her 200+ channels of DirectTV with DVR if she tried! Kiss my ass, Comcast!
__________ doubts your commitment to Sparkle Motion.

Obviously, all those are vitally important and non-annoying.

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12 Responses to “Babies babies babies babies babies babies”

  1. myrtlebeachbum says:

    Dodai and everyone on Jezebel can suck it. They WISH they had anything going on. Seriously. Producing another human is a big fucking deal. And they need to get their shit together before someone puts them in the asylum for their collective schizophrenia.

    I have spoken.

  2. sarrible says:

    Your friend with the angel hair pasta doesn’t know how to use commas. And I’m excited about your baby. Yesterday my livejournal friends page had, literally, three posts in a row that were all “my baby smiled. it’s awesome” and I was sleep-deprived. Now if you’ll excuse me, Aaron Peirsol is on Conan and I need to have a depraved sexual fantasy involving me, him, and the backstroke.

  3. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Beach Bum makes a salient point. Remember, Jezebel is part of the Gawker media empire. There is a definite business model at work behind the scenes – post pieces that will generate page views and buzz. Even if that means taking a minor point/observation and inflaming it to draw extremes in the range of comments.

    Personal FB pages and personal blogs are exactly that – PERSONAL communications and perspectives. Post or share as YOU see fit!! If it’s TMI, then folks stopping by to read can/should choose not to engage.

  4. FF says:

    I *think* it was the bump-watch media Dodai was talking about. She’s a good egg. Some commenters clearly hate everything happy in this world including babies and weddings. I choose to ignore those commenters. You go on with your happy prego bad self. I LIKE reading about this kind of thing.

  5. TheDomina says:

    While I’m totally against the ENDLESS speculating of who in Hollywood is pregnant b/c it’s ridiculous, I’m with you on personal stuff…If you don’t want to see it, don’t read it! Although admittedly I like reading about people having babies b/c I can’t have them so it’s like reading about another world.

  6. lalaland13 says:

    Lalaland13 is agreeing with you on the baby subject, as well as the delightful vacuousness of Facebook status messages. Now she must go update her quotes to include a new song she likes.

  7. lalaland13 says:

    And oh, I posted a status message today about how excited I was that two of my favorite professors in the world had a kid. So if that annoyed anyone, too bad. They can take me off their friend list.

  8. Former Jezzie says:

    Hi hi,

    So I read this post with tremendous interest because while I am usually in Dodai’s camp on these things — the seemingly endless crush of baby info often makes me massively reactionary (JUST BECAUSE I’M A GIRL DOESN’T MEAN I AUTOMATICALLY LIKE BABIES ANYMORE MORE THAN IT MEANS I SUCK AT MATH) — I actually read your blog regularly and very much enjoy it. Being both a lovely writer and quite a wit (!!), you are (even without trying!) nudging me over to the idea that maybe I’m less anti-baby than I am anti-schmaltz. If everyone wrote about pregnancy with as much humor and as little squee as you do, I think the baby-haters would be a very scarce breed. (Breed, ha ha.) But as things stand, I want to put in a word of defense for the people who are made anxious or knee-jerky by tons o’ baby-talk: I think there really ARE people out there who believe all women should dig babies, and I think a lot of us wimmins feel like we spend a lot of time fending off pressure on that front. Moreover I think (from what I know of your feminism!) you would hate that expectation just as much as the “baby-haters” do! That’s why, as I understand it, you have a blog rather than interjecting baby-thoughts into non-baby Jez discussions, etc etc: you get that there are reasons why people appreciate the restraint, other than pure selfishness or malice.*

    All that said, it doesn’t excuse any malice that does crop up, and for that, I apologize on behalf of baby-haters everywhere. I would DEFINITELY argue that for the sake of solidarity, the un-baby-inclined should make more of an effort to be supportive. I guess I would just also plead for the baby-lovin’ crowd to show equal empathy to those for whom unsolicited baby-chatter feels like reinforcement of a gender paradigm they just don’t fit into.

    Hugs, well-wishes, and appreciation for the many smiles your blog has already brought me,
    Old Jez Friend

    *Also, writing a blog instead of, say, FB posts that come up on everyone and her brother’s newsfeed, guarantees, as here, that everyone reading your work loves you! ;)

  9. bebehblog says:

    Hi Former Jezzie! Thanks for stopping by and for your comment. I can totally understand how people who aren’t baby-obsessed get frustrated with those who are. And in no way am I trying to suggest that women who don’t want babies (now or ever) are somehow bad people. What I was really frustrated with was the idea that one’s own friends can’t talk about their pregnancy. All the people on my Facebook are people who I consider friends (even the imaginary internet ones). I know sometimes it seems like OMG EVERY SINGLE PERSON I KNOW IS KNOCKED UP IT’S A CONSPIRACY I TELL YOU but I promise we’re not doing it on purpose. And for every single woman who gets pregnant it’s a little tiny miracle, one you are sure is just as facinating for everyone else as it is to you.

    As for mothers/co-workers/aunts/sisters/friends trying to force the baby-crazies on someone who isn’t interested, I believe there is a special place in hell full of endless dirty diapers, crying infants and tyranical 3 year olds armed with fingerpaint and pasta sauce just for them.

  10. Meg says:

    I do love babies and I do like reading about them. Especially when it’s someone I know (or virtually know). I understand that there are some people who don’t care for babies, but if they are your *friend*, then they should listen, because it’s a big part of your life. Like you would listen to someone with a new job, a new boyfriend, a new house, etc. Besides, I’m sure you can always find someone on FB that doesn’t care about you particular status that day.

  11. FourInchHeels says:

    I was surprised more people didn’t speak up in that baby bump post. I remember about 6 months back when there was a post about what pregnancy (giving birth? I’ve forgotten now) has REALLY been like for people. There were a few hundred comments – a lot for those days – and tons of the Jezzies were pregnant or recently had babies. I thought more (any?) of them would have stood up for the “hey now, wait a sec – I like my friends’ pregnancies, and I liked mine, just not random celebrity strangers’!” point of view in the baby bump post. We all looked like a big buncha baby-hatin’ ladies* that day!

    *I was going to say bitches because I think alliteration is funny, but I instead exercised self-restraint. I deserve a cookie for that kind of self control!

  12. J.D.Regent says:

    Whatevs, I’m reading your blog right??? I don’t think being excited about it or interested in it contributes in any way to the notion that women’s sole purpose on earth is to be mothers.

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