Although I didn’t know who Kristine Brite was until a few days ago, Baby Evan and I are wearing pink in honor of her baby Cora (born November 29th, died December 6th). I learned of her tragedy through the Twitter grape vine and although I can’t begin to comprehend Kristine’s pain my heart breaks for her. Here’s her story in her own words:

Cora died instantly on my chest while breastfeeding. One hundred percent healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery. She scored 9s on both Apgar test. We jumped in the car and drove 70 through Decatur to the hospital as soon as I looked down and saw her bloodied face covering my breast. Getting her there within moments of her stopping breathing. She had a heart condition impossible to detect in utero or at birth without special testing.

Cora was meant to teach us something I’m sure of it. She changed my life. Ben and I quit smoking, struggled to prepare financially, took parenting classes, and after she was born watched her in shifts. She was never alone even when sleeping. We were all meant to learn something from her.

Compassion, patience, love.

Today I will show compassion, patience and love. I will try to appreciate all I have more. I will hug my baby extra tight, thank God I’ve had so many days with him already, and pray I get a million more. I hope Kristine and her family can feel everyone’s love and know how many people are thinking of them today.

For Cora

Yeah, I’m going to talk about boobs again. Deal.

Happy Face :)

I love breastfeeding. It’s totally amazing that if you combine my pregnancy with the months of exclusive (really really exclusive) breastfeeding, I’ve kept this baby alive with just my body for 17 months. I’m practically a superhero, although thank God I don’t have a spandex outfit. I’ve given my baby the best start possible and he (and I) will both be healthier for it. I’ve saved an enormous amount of money by not buying any formula and an enormous amount of time not sterilizing, heating and preparing bottles. Nothing beats snuggling with a warm sleepy infant on a cold morning and starting my day feeling absolutely attached to my baby. I feel like I repeat all this stuff so many times a day I might as well get it tattooed on my forehead. Or at least embroidered on a pillow. A pillow I can throw off a cliff.

Sad Face :(

I’m so so so tired all the time from getting up at night to nurse this baby. Now that he’s mobile he’s like a tiny Michael Phelps – his body burns calories faster than he can get them in and he needs to eat fourteen times a day. Not to mention possibly suffering from a case of the munchies. When I committed to breastfeeding, I was relieved to learn “extended nursing” usually only involved a couple of feedings a day and not the round-the-clock sessions of a newborn. Unfortunately Baby Evan didn’t get that memo. My nipples feel like they’re going to fall (not from pain, just from pulling) and it only gets worse when he’s teething – which he’s doing AGAIN. This time it’s the top teeth, which means in a couple days he’ll be able to bite with the same power as an average sized dog. Think about how much that would hurt. And despite MY anytime, anywhere approach to breastfeeding the baby refuses to eat if there are people, noise, colors, sounds, dogs, cats, other babies, music, or toys within 100 feet. If I don’t plan for quiet time at home he goes all day without eating and the nighttime feedings go from 2 or 3 to 4 or 5. At this point, I couldn’t give up on breastfeeding even if I wanted to. The battle we have every time I try to give him a bottle or cup is EPIC and his refusal could easily outlast my will to force one on him. Every time I mention my frustration I’m told “don’t worry, he’ll grow out of it” and that 8 months is a totally normal age to still be nursing exclusively. THANKS FOR NOTHING advice givers. Why don’t you come over here and breastfeed this baby at 3 am? For 8 months in a row? Oh, I’m sorry, you’re too busy sleeping at 3 am? THEN SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE. Sorry, sleep deprivation is making me cranky. And complaining about it makes me feel a little better. Especially complaining about it in LARGE CAPITAL LETTERS. LOUD NOISES.