Sleepy baby go to sleep*
I got my first blog topic request – which is super timely as I am facing a total lack of interesting things to say this week. Finally getting all the junk off my kitchen counters is just not that inspiring. So today I’m going to talk about sleep for Shannon in PA. She has a 4 month old and is currently obsessed with sleep. This happens a lot when you have a new baby – you wonder if you have the only child in the whole world who (fill in the blank – doesn’t sleep, nurses 10 hours a day, poops neon green, farts like a fat man at a German food festival)(The answer is no). I know Shannon is hoping I will tell her the answer to all her infant sleep problems is just a few weeks away. So here you go: Shannon, I promise you that in six more weeks your baby will be sleeping 13 hours a night. Ok, now stop reading Shannon. Stop and go look at pictures of unicorns or something. Now that Shannon’s gone, I’ll tell the rest of you how Baby Evan’s sleep schedule works.
Since he was born, Baby Evan has slept on almost every surface imaginable…except for in his crib. When we first brought him home he slept exclusively in his vibrating seat or his swing (both by Fisher Price in case you’re keeping track of what products I recommend). After a while we started putting him down in the cradle my father-in-law built so he would get used to sleeping on a flat surface. Around 6 weeks E and I stopped sleeping in shifts on the couch and moved the baby upstairs to our bedroom where he now sleeps in a co-sleeper. Naps are still usually in the swing or in the infant carrier after a ride in the car. But when he’s really tired during the day, he’ll sleep almost anywhere, including that one time he slept on a table, especially if he falls asleep while nursing.
There is a LOT of advice out there on how to get your newborn or infant to sleep. Cry it out (abbreviated CIO on mommy message boards) is one of the most common methods, popularized by Dr. Ferber (hence using it is called Ferberizing your baby – which sounds more like turning your baby into a creepy talking doll with a beak than a sleep training method to me but whatevs)(I’m feeling very linky today)(And also full of parentheses). Dr. Ferber is a fancy doctor of sleep in Boston or something. I don’t own his book so I don’t know exactly how it works but I’m told it involves letting the baby cry for gradually longer amount of time until he eventually learns not to cry at all. Now, no offence to people who have used this method, but it sounds to me like using CIO is just teaching your baby that you don’t care if he’s crying. I also doubt my ability to ignore Baby Evan’s cries for long enough for this to be effective – I think my record is 20 seconds before I ran out of the bathroom with my pants unbuttoned to comfort him. And how is listening to a baby crying supposed to help ME get any extra sleep anyways?
What I’m trying to say is we haven’t done any real sleep training. We’ve sort of mashed together several different schools of thought to figure out what works best for us, but it’s pretty much Dr. Sears attachment parenting with a couple of Dr. Karp’s five S’s thrown in. But this only works for us because we have a pretty easy going baby and I don’t have a job – if you’re a working mom with a high maintenance baby I recommend not reading this since it will only make you want to punch me in the face.
At five months our schedule looks like this: 8 pm Baby Evan gets a bath in the sink, mostly to get as much dog hair off him as possible. After the bath he gets his last meal of the night, somewhere between 8:15 and 8:45 depending on when his previous snack was. All his meals still come directly from the boob so we get a little cuddle time in too. Usually around 8:30 we go upstairs and rock in the glider while I read him a book (last night was Make Way for Ducklings, the night before we did There’s A Monster At The End Of This Book and That’s Not My Reindeer).
After the books I wrap him up in a swaddle (THIS IS THE SECRET TO SLEEP. SWADDLE. SERIOUSLY, DO IT. We had to buy a bigger size a month ago and he breaks his arms out of it around midnight but it keeps him asleep through his 10pm and 11pm REM cycles, which means I avoid at least one extra feeding. I’m probably the only person whose baby is still swaddled at 5 months but I have no intentions of quitting). Once he’s all wrapped up I turn off the lights in the nursery and sing Baby Evan a song while I rock him to sleep. It usually takes one time through “The Book Of Love” (my baby loves Peter Gabriel) and about thirty seconds of shushing before he’s totally out. By now it’s somewhere between 8:45 and 9:00 pm. I put him in the co-sleeper in our bedroom, turn on the monitor and then go back downstairs for some baby-free time until I go to bed at 10.
When Baby Evan wakes up around 2:30 am for a snack I roll him into bed with me where he stays until he wakes up for breakfast. Mornings are the most unpredictable – some days he needs to be fed again at 4 and goes back to sleep, sometimes he makes it until 6:30, but he’s usually up for the day before 7. I’d say this nighttime schedule has been the same for about a month now, with no signs of changing in the foreseeable future. I’m totally ok with the current bed-sharing situation and cannot imagine trying to breastfeed in the middle of the night if I insisted on going into the nursery every time. I’m usually sound asleep again before he’s even done and almost never remember bringing him to bed at all. E is also ok with it since it means he never has to handle any night feedings. (His current work schedule is crap and involves him being gone for bedtime but when he was home he did that whole nighttime routine himself EVERY NIGHT so no accusations of slacking off on his part.) Once Baby Evan outgrows his co-sleeper we’re going to have to rearrange a little bit – maybe use the crib, maybe just go to full-time co-sleeping, maybe try to end the middle-of-the-night feedings. We’ll just wait and see how it goes, since the only certain thing when it comes to babies is EVERYTHING CHANGES. As soon as you have a routine or a schedule or a plan, it changes.
If you’ve made it this far and you are NOT Shannon, I am really impressed. If you are Shannon, go buy a swaddle and good luck with everything. And thanks for the request!
*This is the made up song I sing when the baby won’t calm down. It goes “sleepy baby go to sleep, go to sleep, go to sleep. Sleepy baby go to sleep so mom can get some rest” and it works almost every time. I think it’s the ultra-soothing hypnotic tone of voice I sing it in that helps – although maybe he’s just impressed into silence by my musical genius.
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Tags: 5 months, breastfeeding, challenges, reader requests, sleep
There’s a lot of people who haven’t done any research or reading about the Ferber method, but talk about it online. They hear the term “cry it out” and assume you leave your kid in a cold dark room to cry until he pukes.
It’s not like that.
It involves not going to your baby the first second he cries, but sitting for a few minutes to see if he calms himself down. Nick frequently calms himself back down. He puts himself to sleep a good 80% of the time, and if he wakes up at night he generally can get back to sleep again. I don’t let him cry for long when he does cry, usually five minutes or so, and if it just escalates or he sounds super desperate or scared or hurt or hungry I go in there to “rescue” him.
Ferber’s method gets a lot of bad press from people completely unfamiliar with what his method actually entrails. When used correctly, it can help a lot of people get their babies to sleep. Not everyone, but enough.
One thing I think has been helpful is that we have almost always put Nick to sleep in his crib. Even when he slept best in his bouncy chair/papasan, we’d put that inside his crib so he associates it with sleeping. We also don’t leave many toys in his crib (a few stuffed animals for him to talk to) and don’t usually leave him in there during non-sleep times. I want him to associate his crib with sleeping, not playing or confinement. I do stash him in there sometimes if I’m putting away laundry in the bedroom or I have to use the toilet or something, but that’s rare.
I think the biggest sleeping-through-the-night thing is that he got older and able to sleep through the night, though.
I do have to say that I have NO complaints about my baby’s sleep schedule.
This is ONLY because my wife is absolutely awesome and always gets up WAY before I’d wake up (I sleep very VERY deeply – think dead but breathing). She has always gotten up, always taken care of him, and always been absolutely awesome about it.
where is she, I should go kiss her………
Hey! I bought The Monster at the End of This Book!
I concure. Swaddling rocks! But the downside is that Baby Reid has just outgrown all his swaddles!!!! why do they have to make them so size-specific. I’ve been just swaddling him in regular blankets, that should work for a little bit. Then i guess i have to come up with a new plan….sigh.
*concur. Sorry Sara.
You have a better night schedule with a 5 month old than I have with my 3 year old Shizapoo – HELP!!
Oh, I swaddle. In fact, I have every swaddling device out there. The winner is the Woombie. Try it if you have a baby Houdini like I do; it’s the only thing he can’t get out of. The problem is that my baby HATES TO SLEEP. I think he’s the only baby in the world that doesn’t fall asleep in the car, bouncy chair, swing, etc. He’s so afraid he’s going to miss something.
We are reading the “No Cry Sleep Solution” and plan on implementing it next week. I don’t mind waking up a few times a night to nurse, but the every hour on the hour has got to stop or this working mama is going to drive into a tree on the way to work.
Thanks, Suzanne! I love hearing that my baby isn’t the only one.
can you talk just a little more about co-sleeping? any good resources i should check out? i’m trying to convince my husband to buy a co-sleeper instead of a crib. he’s afraid of “rolling over onto the baby” and claims not to mind getting up every two hours to bring the baby to me from the crib to me. even if the crib is in our bedroom, i think he’s insane.