Signs you might be 9 months pregnant
1. You plan a day of errands around which stores have the cleanest bathrooms.
2. Really old people start holding the door open for you.
3. The children’s section of the bookstore is suddenly your favorite place on earth.
4. When cashiers ask “Would you like to donate to the Children’s Shelter/Hospital/Cancer Society” you always say yes. You may also cry a little.
5. Spending $50 on a fancy diaper trash can seems perfectly reasonable.
6. You walk waddle down the cat-calliest street in town and don’t get a single whistle.
7. Staring at tiny diapers is just as entertaining as staring at George Clooney.
8. Making it to the post office, library, dry cleaners AND grocery store in one day is a huge accomplishment.
9. No one looks at your boobs anymore because your belly is so much huger.
10. Your mailbox is full of coupons, samples and letters from baby-product companies that start “Congratulations on your new arrival!” You consider peeing on them before sending them back with a note that says “I’m still pregnant, douchebags!”