I officially hate everyone under the age of 18

Could someone please tell me where I got these THINGS UNDER MY ARMS? AND WHY ARE THEY FLAPPING? I am only 26 – at what point did I turn into an old person? Next I’m going to start wearing scarves to hide my neck wrinkles and complaining about my joint pain. I HAVE JOINT PAIN. I know having children ages you but I thought that only applied when you had ACTUAL CHILDREN. WHY DOES MY BABY HATE ME?

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