I love my mom
Reasons I love my mom:
1. She is willing to spend two hours talking to me on the phone about nothing so we can avoid doing things like cleaning out the closet or doing laundry.
2. I told her I was looking for that bookcase for the nursery and within 20 minutes she had gone to her Target and bought me one. Plus, she works there so I got 10% off!
3. She is willing to come take care of me and help with the baby for as long as I want – but has agreed to go away immediately if things aren’t working out so well.
4. My mother is NOT afraid to say the word vagina. I was telling her one of the things I learned in birthing class was sometimes fetal monitoring has to be done internally and she explained that they did that when she gave birth to my brother. They stick a wire in a plastic tube in through your vagina and it pokes a little hole in the baby’s head. She assured me it was no big deal. So not only am I less concerned about it, I can make fun of my brother for having a hole in his head!
5. While talking about what movies we’d both like to see this weekend, I told her I wanted to see “Taken” because it was by the same people who did “The Transporter”. Her response was “Oh I love Jason Statham. He always has really nice guns”.
6. She is totally willing to follow my parenting rules without judging. She supports my desire to breastfeed but doesn’t think formula will kill my baby. She will happily help change whatever kind of diapers I want. If I decided my baby should wear orange on alternating Tuesdays she would wonder if I was crazy…but would do it anyways.
And finally, because of this:
“Back when I was pregnant, Lamaze classes were popular. My instructor made us all feel really bad about wanting any kind of pain relief so I was too scared to ask for it. That was a bad idea – I really could have used something. Demerol at the very least. Please, Suzanne, get the epidural.”
Jan! I love Jan. Now, regarding Jason Statham. Did she mean firearms? Or, um, firearms?
She means firearms as in the thing that shoot bullets. When Janet talks about getting tickets to the gun show, she means the one held by the NRA. Although I’m sure she also thinks he’s pretty.
So…the fetal monitor actually pokes a hole in the baby’s head? I thought it was just a big belt that goes around your belly. That is kind of unsettling. My mom was on a fetal monitor when Phil was born, which completely terrified my dad (apparently his heart rate plunged during every contraction. Phil’s, not my dad’s). I never knew it pokes the baby in the head. Eegh.
No, there’s two kinds. The belt kind that goes around your belly and an internal version. Most people get the belly kind. Apparently Drew was in some distress during birth so the doctor wanted to use the internal kind, which does poke a hole in the baby.
All right then! I think some alien poking a hole in my head would cause me more distress, but then, I’m picky. Nice to know it didn’t inhibit Drew’s glorious mop of hair from growing.
Your mother sounds awesome. RE the epidural quote: a friend of mine who has had both a natural birth and one with an epidural assured me that the natural birth was really painful and the epidural was a miracle sent from heaven above. It really made me feel better about my pretty firm belief that my wimpy self can’t handle suffering any more than I have to for any reason.
Oh gosh I love your mom too. She sounds a lot like mine-for instance, I was on the phone with her earlier as she walked me through how to make a grilled cheese sandwich, which I know should be ridiculously easy. But she was happy, said she liked it, bless her. And she loves her grandkitties and is in no hurry for me to either get married or have babies. But I know she’d be a great grandma if I did.
And I can ask her darn near anything about my birth. She got an epidural and was laughing when I was born. She still doesn’t know the name of the doctor who delivered me because her normal ob-gyn wasn’t there (although he did show up soon afterward). God, I love that woman so damn much. I’m so glad you have a supportive mom-if I ever have a kid, my mom would have to live with me for a while as well.
Your mom sounds delightful, glad to hear she’ll be available to you postpartum.
How are doing with convincing them to write that whole “Biff and Janet’s advice on Parenting” thing? I think I’m gonna need that.
My mom’s ob-gyn was named Dr. Beaver. For the record.
The internal monitoring just attached to the baby’s scalp, doesn’t poke through the head. It can leave a mark, but it’s not a puncture.
And your mom sounds fabulous! How lovely to have someone so down to earth when you will be in need of it!