Posts Tagged ‘first world problems’

Ridiculous Problems

Wednesday, April 2nd, 2014

I don’t actually want to eat any more of this ice cream but I also don’t really want to get up and go put it back in the freezer. This is not the first time I have had this dilemma.

My children like being helpful so much they fight over who gets to bring me things so I always have to think of TWO things I need (a blanket and a drink, my slippers and my phone, etc) to avoid an argument.

Caroline loves school so much she never says goodbye or gives me a hug when I drop her off and it hurts my feelings.

We own way too much stuff. Too many clothes, too many toys, too many THINGS and yet I can’t figure out how to get rid of it all.

I can’t plan things that interfere with bedtime because both children recognize that it’s time for sleeping and beg to be put to bed. Caroline especially loves going to sleep at night.

The list of jobs I love that I also get paid for is getting longer (Did I mention I’m writing for TVFanatic and The Hollywood Gossip? It’s pretty cool – said in the Miley Cyrus voice) and for the first time in a long time I might actually be BUSY. So busy I need an actual day planner…and I don’t HAVE a day planner.

I read something on the internet that made me really mad and I was going to write a post about it but now I can’t remember what it was.

I have too many interesting podcasts to catch up on.

My perfectly healthy, smart, kind, handsome baby is about to turn FIVE and five is too old.


Thursday, November 8th, 2012

We are having nap problems, part of which is totally my own fault – but that doesn’t make it suck any less. A few weeks ago when Caroline started fighting naps, I let her pick which bed she slept in. Sometimes it was her bed, sometimes it was Evan’s bed, sometimes it was the guest bed, and sometimes it was my bed. One day she was up in my bedroom and found the iPad under the pillow. Since she was born in a world that has never been without iPads (OMG flying cars are totally next) she unlocked it, found her app folder and watched Mickey Mouse until she fell asleep. I heard her over the monitor and thought it was funny – “Ha ha ha what a clever baby, how cute that she’s watching her show! And also that nap was so easy!”

You can probably see where this is going. I let her get away with using the iPad before naps as long as she was going to bed with no complaints. It was just so eeeeeeasy to say “Naptime, Caroline!” and have her run happily upstairs and jump into bed to lie down. She never made a peep and would fall asleep really fast. Since it happened RIGHT at the same time Evan stopped napping altogether I just…didn’t have the energy to fight it. Trust me, letting technology put my kid to sleep is LOW on the scale of “Thing I Feel Guilty About As A Mother.”

So anyways, this system worked fine – GREAT even – for a while. But for the last few days she’s been spending longer and longer messing around with the Disney Junior app and less and less time actually sleeping. She does eventually fall asleep – around 3:30 – but then I have to wake her up after an hour so she’ll go back to sleep at bedtime. I thought maybe she was just getting to an age where she didn’t need a nap anymore but AHAHAHHA NO ABSOLUTELY NOT. We tried it on Wednesday and she was a wreck by 6:30. Giving her a bath was like trying to wash a rabid cat and twice as noisy. It took her a full day to recover from missing just one nap. But on the other hand, if she’s basically just going to watch TV all afternoon I could at least keep her downstairs where I can interact with her (or, you know, we could do puzzles or she and Evan can run in circles and try to ride the dog. Again).

I suppose the first thing I should do is just STOP letting her have the iPad, but I’m dreading the screaming. There is already a LOT of angry child in this house and this is one the few things we DON’T fight about. But the current system isn’t exactly working either and I’d rather work on changing it now then a month from now when it would be even harder to stop. Any suggestions for my totally, completely, ridiculously first world problem?


Monday, November 5th, 2012

My laptop is broken again, and this time shaking it and yelling didn’t magically repair whatever the hell is wrong. The good news is I transferred all my October photos off of it minutes before it crashed, so even if it’s completely fried all I lost was last week’s iPhone pictures and the shots from the Jack-o-Lantern Spectacular on Saturday. The bad news is I also lost all my bookmarks, Photoshop Elements, my address lists, my party invitation lists, my password lists, everything I’ve ever scanned and countless other details of my I had stored in my computer. I had actual nightmares last night about time running out on some important project while I stared at the wonky gray screen and begged it to turn on. It’s silly to feel so lost without a laptop – it’s just a MACHINE – but it feels like my lifeline has been ripped away.

Maybe that’s really sad. I can easily make myself feel pathetic for being so attached to my computer – “Come on, Suzanne! It’s not real life! You obviously spend too much time on it! This is a great opportunity for you to finally get away from your screen!” but mostly I don’t feel bad at all. Sure, some of my friends live on the interwebs and could be called “Not Real” but ALL of my friends use the interwebs to stay in touch – even the Real ones. I LIKE the internet, even when it’s full of politics and drama and secret I Hate Your Stupid Blog And Here’s 345832 Reasons Why Facebook groups. It’s also full of blogs. Pretty blogs, wordy blogs, recipe blogs, inspirational blogs, funny blogs, blogs written by my friends, blogs written be people I WISH were my friends, blogs written by people I would never in a million years want to be friends with but love peeking into their lives because I’m sort of a jerk.

My own blog is going to suffer a little until I can get the computer thing worked out (sorry Mom) since E has his laptop set up like the command center for the Death Star or something and it took me 10 minutes just to find the internet. I can’t edit photos from this monstrosity either – unless I can find my Photoshop Elements disk, which is about as likely as finding Bigfoot hiding in the coat closet – so my brilliant post about organizing my closet will have to wait too. I know you’re devastated. Let’s start a secret Facebook group and talk about it for hours. Or maybe I actually will take this opportunity to go get away from my screen and get something done in my real life.


I Kind Of Miss Diapers

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Scene: Pouring rain. In the van on the entrance ramp to the highway. Two kids in their car seats. You’reĀ  just barely on time for Stroller Strides because you had to pack four zillion snacks, sippy cups, toys, water bottles, crayons and blankets.

Suddenly, you hear a voice from the back seat.

“Mommy, poop potty! Big poop Mommy!”


Option A: Turn around and go home. You’ll have to drive down to the next exit, get back ON the highway, get back OFF the highway, drive back past the hospital during the busiest part of the morning, drag both kids out of the car into the house in the rain.

Cons: Getting wet, hauling kids, being late
Pros: You probably won’t have to scrape poop of the toddler

Option B: Stop at the gas station a few exits down the highway. The bathroom will be of questionable cleanliness and you’ll have to balance a baby on your hip while removing the toddlers shoes, pants and underwear because he refuses to sit on the potty unless entirely bottomless. Then you have to do it all in reverse to go back out in the rain and reload them into the car.

Cons: Getting wet, hauling kids, being late, catching horrible disease from disgusting public restroom
Pros: You probably won’t have to scrape poop off the toddler (but not guaranteed)

Option C: Ask him to hold it. Beg him to hold it. Shout “NO POOPING IN THE CAR!” Sing a made-up-song about how we only poop in the potty. Say “Did you poop? Did you poop? Did you poop?” every 12 seconds the whole way to the mall. UNFORTUNATE TWIST: You forgot to pack extra underpants (or any kind of pants).

Cons: Possible poop scraping, being so tired of the word poop your brain explodes
Pros: On time to class, no extra kid hauling, taking the risk gets your heart racing which practically counts as a bonus morning workout

So, yeah, I thought my life was supposed to get EASIER after potty training. Everyone is always complaining about diapers but let me tell you, THIS IS NOT BETTER. I spend at least two hours a day staring at my kid while he sits on the can, helping him with his pants, wiping his butt or bribing begging him to use the potty BEFORE we leave the house. My Weight Watchers activity tracker should have an option for “potty trained toddler” because if I’m going to be running back and forth to the restroom every single time we go out in public I want to be able to EAT those activity points. Or more accurately, drink those points. Mommy needs a hot cocoa with peppermint schnapps.

For the record, my choice in the earlier scenario was C because I happen to know my kid is a LYING LIARFACE and uses “Poop potty!” as an excuse to get out of the car/stroller when he’s bored. There was no poop scraping. He not only held it until we got to the mall, he told me he didn’t even have to go anymore. No accidents.

So to sum up: I am sick of the word poop and my toddler is incredibly manipulative.