Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Boobs For Free

Breastfeeding baby #2 is a piece of cake compared to the first time around. (Mmmm…cake. I would like some cake. I would like a whole cake and no I don’t want to share because I am SOOOOO HOOONGRAAAY from the nursing.) All the stuff I struggled with during Little Evan’s early days made me an expert on boobs. A Boobspert, if you will. I figured out Caroline’s latch sooner, my engorgement went away sooner, I recognized the thrush and knew how to treat it sooner, we’ve  introduced a bottle sooner, I’m building up a nice little freezer stash of pumped milk sooner. It’s been almost 2 years since I first started nursing and I have FINALLY got the hang of it.

But in the process, I have confused the hell out of my toddler.

Hello, I'd like some more milk please.

Little Evan was exclusively breastfed until he was almost 13 months – and when I say “exclusively” I don’t mean that’s when we switched to milk, I mean that’s when he started eating ANY solids. The first time I ever saw him eat enough food to be considered a meal was his birthday cake. The child hated baby food, threw up Cheerios, screamed at sippy cups and lived entirely on boob power for more than a year.

I don't see what the problem here is, I know you've got milk in there. Do I need to say PLEEEEEEESE?

When I got pregnant the second time, my supply dropped dramatically and he weaned in a matter of weeks, just after he turned 15 months. We started with rice milk and eventually made the switch to organic whole milk. He LOVES his (fancy, expensive) milk and drinks it like it’s going out of style.

Fine, if you're going to be that way I'll just do it MYSELF

Now that he sees Caroline nursing all the time, he’s started to wonder why his milk comes from a cup instead of straight from me. I haven’t had to flat out refuse him yet, but he keeps patting my chest and saying “mama milk”.

Yes yes, put the milk in my belly! Wait, I don't think this is working.

I’m pretty sure he’s going to be OK in the long run, no permanent damage from his cold, withholding mother who won’t nurse him any more. Actually, one day he’s probably going to DIE OF SHAME that I talked about breastfeeding on the internet at all.


Sorry baby. Send me the therapy bill.

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21 Responses to “Why Buy The Cow When You Can Get The Boobs For Free”

  1. Cole says:

    Awwww, he looks pretty cheerful, though!

  2. Brittany says:

    Bahaha, him trying to fill the cup himself is killing me!

  3. michgal18 says:

    Omg, I am royally screwed. I have been waiting for some magical “you’re pregnant and your milk will dry up and taste horrible” fairy to come and have Carson magically wean himself and it is sooooo not happening. He is never going to be off the boob. He is a boob-a-holic. When I do manage to wean him he is going to be sooooo pissed when new baby is getting all his boobies. Oh man, this is not going to be good.

    • bebehblog says:

      No I thought that too! Someone told me it happened around 5 months pregnant but for me it was closer to 3 1/2, which was great because I NEEDED that break where no one was climbing down my shirt. Of course, now they BOTH are but Little Evan seems to be fine with offering just the cup. Although as you can see he’s a little confused about where the milk in the cup comes from.

  4. TMae says:

    Picture #2 – I die. He’s SO DAMN CUTE.

  5. That’s adorable. My son was six when Bubbette was born and we talked about breastfeeding with him before she arrived. By omygod, you should have seen the look of shock and horror when he first saw me feed her. I could hear the therapy bills rolling in.

  6. Brigid Keely says:

    This is a hilarious photo essay. A+++++ WOULD READ AGAIN.

    From almost everything I’ve read, subsequent pregnancies make for easier breast feedings. It’s like your boobs have a really really long learning curve. Stupid boobs.

    Evan is starting to look like a little kid and not a toddler. OOOOOOOH.

    • bebehblog says:

      I took some pictures of him this morning that I REFUSE to post because he looks so much like a CHILD. I swear the camera lens added two full years. Sob sob sob.

  7. […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by emily bilbrey and Twins Plus One, Suzanne Davis. Suzanne Davis said: Little Evan is a little confused when it comes to cow milk vs mama milk http://fb.me/uiJ9ZAxq […]

  8. Rebecca says:

    while nursing my daughter when she was an infant, my 4 year old niece asked if I was able to make chocolate milk as well! LOL!

  9. i had a bad night. thank you for making my morning happy! (;

  10. Connie says:

    CJ asks about breastfeeding alot and the other day at dinner he asked for more milk. I took his cup and put it under my sweatshirt and told him I was filling it with boob milk. I actually moved it behind my back and Chris filled his cup with cows milk. I brought the cup back around and gave it to him oh the horror! He literally sobbed! Even when we told him what we did, he was unconsolable! We had to get him a fresh cup and he had to watch us poor it out! Mom of the year award! Talk about therapy! And just to think a little over two years ago mamas milk was his life!!

  11. Holly says:

    Oh those pictures are hilarious and cute. I love him trying to get the milk out of himself, too cute! My friends with toddlers and new babies all say that their little ones pretend to nurse their dolls/teddy bears/etc. once the new baby comes so I guess he’s just figuring it all out now. In a cute way!

  12. dianthe says:

    i wish it had been that easy at my house! Sydney nursed through my entire pregnancy even though i’m sure there were a couple of months i had no milk! she’ll be 3 next month and she still doesn’t want to stop – up until now, i’ve been making half-assed attempts to wean her but next month we’re going hard core – 3 is my cut-off and a year of tandem nursing (my son will be 1 next month) is more than this mama can take!

    kudos to you for exclusively nursing for a year – that is AWESOME!!

  13. Boobspert! Love it. Does that mean I can call you when I try bf-ing again? Did not go so well the first time around, but I’m determined to give it another shot with baby #2. Reading this post made me feel more confident — thanks!

  14. Alana says:

    This is adorable!
    E is so cute.
    I am so jealous of you being able to breastfeed for so long. i struggled with it from day one and go very depressed over it.
    I hope if #2 come along I will be able to a better job at it!

  15. Gretchen says:

    His big “mama milk” smile is priceless!

  16. Oh man that’s beyond cute. He’ll be insanely embarrassed by these pictures someday, but TOTALLY worth it.

  17. bellegourmande says:

    That is so cute! So glad to hear nursing is easier this time around, and that she’ll take a bottle! That way you and Evan can have some date nights, right?

    This summer, when my little nugget was a couple months old and we were visiting my husband’s family, my niece and nephew (aged 3 and 5) were very, very interested in how I fed him, and would always ask to come with us when I’d take him to our room to nurse. There are no locks on the doors so eventually they both saw me breastfeeding (they’re not so into knocking or privacy), and their reactions were pretty funny. My nephew was nonplussed, saying he remembered his mom doing that with his sister. My niece kept saying things like, “Is he sucking on you?” in incredulity. She was fascinated.

  18. Sarah-Anne says:

    hahahaha, suzanne. that kid of yours is one smart kiddo and knows what’s good for him. ;)

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