Waiting, Impatiently

It is 8:32 pm on July 14th. I am 39 weeks and 5 days pregnant, which is 5 days more pregnant than I ever was with Caroline and 5 days less pregnant than I ever was with Evan. That’s a nice balance. Good symmetry. Seems like the perfect time to have a baby.

Unfortunately, my baby does not seem to agree.

I’m not technically overdue yet (TOMORROW), so I know the complaining about STILL being pregnant is annoying. Plenty of people have been much, much more pregnant and I could end up being one of them. (I REALLY REALLY HOPE NOT.) But unfortunately I let myself think “Oh, I am totally having this baby early!”

It’s not entirely my fault. My doctors all said I was in danger of early labor because of my high fluid levels. I’ve had tons more Braxton-Hicks contractions than with any other baby. This baby has been measuring big for two months and I basically LIVE at the hospital between non-stress tests and scans and regular appointments. My children can literally walk into the ER entrance and get themselves to the maternity ward.

But I should not have gotten my hopes up. People warned me. I just did not listen.

WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN????

 

I swear if it was ONLY my comfort (or uncomfort) level that I was worried about, I wouldn’t mind waiting a little longer to meet my baby. I never went through this end part with Caroline (I was induced unexpectedly after super surprise pre-eclampsia) so I would probably still be anxious, but I would be OK.

Unfortunately, due to E’s work schedule, I’m on a deadline. If I go a week overdue, he won’t be here for the birth. The moment where we finally find out together if baby #3 is a boy or a girl just…won’t happen. I’ll have to send an email he probably won’t get or a Red Cross message that at least 3 other people will read before him or just wait until he’s home again. He won’t be here to hold my hand or cut the cord or change a single diaper. I won’t be able to scream “WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!?!” as I push out a gigantic baby.

I don’t want this to sound TOO dramatic – he’s not going to be gone for months or years. His current work schedule is crazy and unpredictable but it’s not a deployment. He might be on a submarine under the ocean but he won’t be At Sea for more than a couple weeks at a time. The baby certainly won’t remember that he missed the birth but I know E will be so, so sad about it I won’t even be able to give him a hard time for “abandoning me”. I’m still not exactly EXCITED about it.

It would sort of suck to be in the room with just my nurses and the doctor. My mom – who’s here to watch the kids, in theory – has said she’ll fill in and I have friends who would take the kids if I really needed them to, but I’m not thrilled with that idea either. Mom watching the kids makes me being in the hospital much more relaxing. I don’t have to worry about whether or not they’re being terrors, she has to deal with it and love them because they’re her grandkids. Leaving them with someone else would mean lots of worrying instead of soaking up brand-new baby time.

We knew this was a possibility. As much as we tried to plan this baby around the Navy’s schedule, the testing that E’s doing now was supposed to be done in December. The command actually said “Plan your vacations for July and August, since that’s when we’ll be around”. Every time it got pushed back I thought “Ugh, this could be inconvenient” but until literally THIS WEEK I refused to consider E really truly not being here. Right now things are just slightly difficult – he’s not reachable by phone anymore so I have to call some office and they have to get a guy to run down to the pier and find him and then he has to get someone to cover for him and drive back up here to the hospital. But his boat is still tied to the dock, which is good!

I have a non-stress test in the morning (9 am, so possibly as you are reading this) followed by a regular appointment where I’m going to strongly suggest I am interested in them getting the baby the hell out ASAP. I feel like I’m breaking a bunch of birthing rules by even considering an elective induction. Admitting that on any of the pregnancy message boards will get you called a zillion things, none of which sound like “good mother”. But this isn’t my first time around the baby block and I did have a good experience with my last induction. Plus I have tried every single other possible thing to make labor happen on it’s own*** and nothing is working.

Why couldn’t this baby just COOPERATE, YOU GUYS?

Please send me lots of outside baby thoughts and keep your fingers crossed I’m so close tomorrow the doctor says I’m basically IN labor already and that my husband’s boat stays just broken enough that they stay in port and he’s right there with me when we find out if our Team Green baby is a boy or a girl. And so I can yell “WHY DID YOU DO THIS TO ME?!” as I push out what is probably a truly enormous baby.

I’m scheduling this to post at 7 am on Tuesday. Let’s hope that right now I’m already in the hospital having my baby and posting boring Instagrams of my IV all over social media (soon to be followed by adorable baby pics!)


*** The only things I haven’t tried are castor oil and black/blue cohosh. I’m not sure I can handle the side effects of castor oil and even Googling cohosh makes the internet freak the hell out about safety. But if my OB says “Sorry, one more week before we’ll talk about induction” I see a castor oil lemonade in my future.

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10 Responses to “Waiting, Impatiently”

  1. Christa says:

    Try acupuncture. Made my second baby come one week early no drugs needed. Outside. Baby thoughts. Coming your way!

  2. Joanna says:

    Oh momma… lots of labor thoughts!!! I’m trying to remember what I did. I know I tried pumping one night and it seemed weird so I stopped. I’m pretty sure I took some stool softeners or a laxative or something. Probably not safe so don’t listen to me. I remember I spent about five hours in the bathroom before I realized I was having regular contractions.

  3. Kitty Conner says:

    Outside baby. Outside baby. Outside baby. Outside baby. Outside baby. No, seriously, baby, get outside! Outside baby. Outside baby. Outside baby.

    All the crossables are crossed, dolly! I cannot wait for the most boring of Imma-have-this-baby-now instagrams. Like, like photos of ice chips or a close-up of the fancy tv remote/call-button/bed position thingy.

  4. MKP says:

    Thinking contracting thoughts

  5. Robyn says:

    If you decide to try castor oil, it really wasn’t bad at all for me. I was 14 days overdue with Dexter and since my fluids were dropping, the midwife highly suggested i give in and do something. we started with cervidil, which didn’t do much after 12 hours. So around 10pm I tried castor oil, under my doula’s suggestion, and with my midwife’s blessing. they even got it from the hospital pharmacy. literally 5 hours later (which is the time frame both said it would work if it did) i started having lower abdomen cramping, followed by mild diarrhea (really, it wasn’t bad), and then real contractions. an hour later my water broke and things started to get really intense really fast. i had 3 hours TOTAL of labor, followed by 15 minutes of pushing (i know your babies come out super fast always, but that was really fast for me). i’d definitley take the castor oil again if i was overdue, or close to the due date with a second or third baby, and in danger of my husband missing it.

    and i know we’re not the same person, obviously, but when i was way overdue and fearing an induction, my midwife said inductions after a previous spontaneous vaginal birth have a MUCH higher success rate than first time inductions or inductions after non-spontaneous labors. so, based on that, i’m sure your body will kick it into high gear if you decide to ask for a little scheduled induction nudge.

  6. Julie S. says:

    Praying that you go into labor SOON. All of those scenarios freak me out, so I can only imagine the stress it’s causing you. GOOD thoughts, momma. This babe will be here SOON!

  7. gretchen says:

    I can imagine these days are pretty long… thinking good baby thoughts for you! ps, your mom sounds amazing!

  8. Amy says:

    I hope you have a babe in arms soon. It’s so frustrating to wait and wait and wait. Plus, I want to know if it is a boy or a girl. Think of us, Suzanne. Your adoring public would like to know.

  9. Leah says:

    I would never ever judge you for planning an induction. I did the same with Calder under similar circumstances. Well, if you consider “going to a hockey tournament” and “protecting national security” to be similar.

    Good luck, lady! Outside baby!

  10. Erin says:

    As someone who’s had an absent husband, I say bottoms up on the castor oil. And/or beg for an induction.

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