Timing

I’ve been reading – or trying to read – several pregnancy message boards. I feel like pregnancy has made me part of a special mommy club, but I’m not exactly sure when or where the meetings are. I say “trying to read” because most of the time I get caught up inthe trying to conceive (TTC) boards. They’re full of acronyms and medical terms and words that have never been part of my vocabulary, but for these women it’s as normal as their own names. Some of them have spent 3, 5, 10 plus years praying to every deity they can name that this month they finally get a little pink plus sign. It’s a club no one wants to belong to, but once they’re in the support and understanding of the other members must be invaluable. I feel like an intruder in these women’s thoughts but I am so fascinated with their world that I can’t stop myself from looking.

I was very, very, very lucky. Once we decided to try it only took a few months off the pill and one month of period math to make it happen. I’m still only at 10 weeks, so I can’t yet say this pregnancy will definitely end in a health baby, but at least if something were to happen I wouldn’t be afraid to try again. I’m actually a little startled it happened so fast. I know once you’re having unprotected sex you should be prepared for the consequences, but one of the reasons we started trying so young (compared to most people we know) was because I was afraid it would take several years. We had some friends in Virginia Beach who began trying at 22…and 5 years later were on their second round of IVF. It was such a stressful time for them it almost ended their marriage. Is having a biological child worth losing your husband?

I think if you’ve never been personally asked to make a choice you can’t know what you would do in a situation. If we had spent the required 12 to 18 months trying without any luck, what would have been our next step? Doctor’s appointments? IVF? Adoption? Would I have accepted that it wasn’t meant to be and just enjoyed being a family of two? I know I don’t have to worry about these things right now, but that’s never stopped me before. I’ve been thinking a lot about timing – both good and bad – and this is just the first half of it.  I wish life was fair and pregnancy was like a gumball machine. When you want a baby, you put in a quarter and turn the leaver. You don’t know exactly what you’re gonna get – a blue one or a pink one or maybe two at once! – but you can decide when the timing is right for YOUR gumball.

The opposite of infertility – unplanned, unprepared, unwanted pregnancy – is my thought for tomorrow.

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4 Responses to “Timing”

  1. Meg says:

    Oh, I always feel so bad for people that have trouble conceiving. My best friend from middle/high school has been trying for a while, now, and she just called this weekend to tell me she was finally pregnant. YAY!! And another friend of mine that miscarried and was having problems getting pregnant again, just ended up pregnant a couple of months ago. It’s been a wave of good news.

    It’s especially awkward when one mutual friend gets pregnant — with very little thought, but happy nonetheless — and the other mutual friend can’t get pregnant after many months of trying. So stressful and completely heartbreaking.

  2. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    It’s heartbreaking to see friends struggle with the many stages of fertility. It seems like once they start the process, it’s a never-ending spiral to more/more expensive and grueling procedures….that often strain and destroy their relationships. So sad.

  3. TheDomina says:

    I found out I was infertile when I was 14 but it actually changed my life for the better, to be honest, b/c I just stopped thinking about it and figured if I were meant to be a mom, I’d meet a man with kids and be a step-mom some day. I’m actually glad I knew so young so I could move on when it was still this amorphous thought instead of going through that struggle of IVF, etc.

  4. lalaland13 says:

    What gets me is I seem to have pretty healthy reproductive organs, yet two close friends who both really want babies may have problems. One only has one ovary (other had to get removed because of a big cyst) and one has endometriosis and will probably be fine but has had problems in the past. Both are married or engaged, and both want kids in the next couple years. And here I am single and not wanting to get married for a while.

    But there are good stories, even if the take a while. I know two people who just had their first baby. The mom is 41 and the dad 43 and as far as I know she came out healthy. So that makes me really happy. When I found out they were expecting, I nearly started crying.

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