This wouldn’t happen if I drove something cool. Like a Prius.

I’ve been having really bad luck lately, which all seems to be car related, which also all seems to be somewhat my own fault. OK, maybe entirely my fault – this pregnancy brain thing is REAL, no matter what “science” might have to say about it. “Science” also says alcohol is bad for you and we all know THAT’S not true. But seriously, pregnancy brain plus bad luck is the worst thing ever.

On Wednesday, I did my daily morning juggle of baby-water-bottle-purse-yoga-mat-stroller out to the car minivan only to discover the doors were locked and my keys weren’t in my purse. I dragged everything back inside and spent 10 minutes tearing apart the kitchen to find my keys before I remembered I put them in my other purse. THEN I remember I had just seen my other purse. On the floor of the car minivan. The locked one. So instead of a morning workout followed by an hour or two of playground time followed by a nice afternoon nap, I spent my day trying to entertain Screamy McScreamerson, King of the Split Personality who thinks smacking you in the face just so he can kiss the boo is HI-LAR-I-OUS.

Thursday was better. Besides the screaming match E and I got into about what the definition of “on top of the stroller” is. True story – we might be the first people to ever put “irreconcilable differences re: stroller anatomy” on our divorce petition.

On Friday afternoon I needed to run to the post office and finally mail those Lbaggies to my giveaway winners (sorry it took so long guys, they’re on the way!) so I left E with a napping baby and hopped in the van. As I was backing down the driveway I thought I felt a little…lopsided. Normally, being the super-responsible very automobile knowledgeable person I am, I would have convinced myself I was imagining things and run my errand anyway. But this time I got out and looked at my front left tire. My totally – TOTALLY – flat front left tire. Flat like a pancake. Flat like a board. Flat like my chest in the eighth grade when I bought that bathing suit with the built in cups and then couldn’t go in the water for fear they might collapse.

It was really flat. It sort of looked like it might have been flat for a while.

And then I remembered how the car scraped on the bump pulling into the driveway.

And then I remembered how the car scraped on the bump pulling out of the Wendy’s drive thru.

And then I remembered how the car sort of…pulled to the left on the way TO playgroup.

And then I remembered the “low tire pressure” light that’s been on pretty much since we bought the car.

I am a genius. And pretty lucky I (probably) didn’t permanently damage my axle. Or cause an accident.

In my defense, the light was on when we actually bought the car and the guy said “Oh it’s just because of the temperature. Once the weather cools down you’ll be fine.” Which is why I yelled “The salesman said it was OK! Tell them he’s a lying liar!!” in the background while E talked the dealership into replacing our OBVIOUSLY PREVIOUSLY PATCHED tire for free. I’m going in at 8 am today to sit in the waiting room with a hyperactive toddler for probably several hours until the mechanic tells me they don’t even have that tire in stock so they’ll have to special order it and can I come back in two weeks? And bee tee double-you, that’ll be $150.

Did I mention the part where the van FELL OFF THE JACK while E was changing the flat and I had to call AAA to come with their special heavy-duty jack? Or the part where the van FELL OFF THAT ONE TOO? Apparently the jacking mechanism is all…jacked-up.

Maybe the universe is telling me to just stay home. Which is the kind of advice I think I should follow – as soon as I go to the store for chocolate ice cream jelly beans milk and bread.

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8 Responses to “This wouldn’t happen if I drove something cool. Like a Prius.”

  1. Boo! Car troubles suck! I keep having them myself. Well, locking my keys in the car doesn’t really count as car trouble :) I really want one of those little magnetic boxes that goes somewhere on the car so that it will cure all my problems. But Mitch says no, terrible things will happen if we get one of those (worse than constantly locking my keys in the car?). I think he just hates me!

  2. oh no!!

    Also, one time my car would shake really bad whenever I drove it. I thought there was something wrong with the steering column or something. When I took it in, they told me my tires were COMPLETELY shot and that it was amazing that I even got the car there in the first place. Oops :) I’d been driving like that for about 3 weeks by that point!

  3. barbra says:

    This might make you feel better: Yesterday, my husband and his buddy left for a 25mile canoe ride down the Deschutes River. Me and the buddy’s wife dropped them off in the middle of nowhere Oregon and began our drive back to the mouth of the river where we were supposed to pick them up. and then we discovered the car’s tire was Flat as a Pancake! oh, did I mention it was 105deg. in central Oregon? There are no trees in the high desert so no shade. Picture this: huge pregnant lady reading the car manual to her girlfriend (we couldn’t even locate the jack in the car) while sweating buckets and beginning to worry we might be stuck out in the middle of nowhere with no cell service. Took us an hour and a half, but we actually got the spare on the car, somehow. Drove 60 miles at 30mph with the heat on because the car was overheating and we didn’t have water to spare for the car. Did I mention it was literally 105deg.?
    We limp back to town to the second car and switch vehicles. We are now in a truck with A/C! what could go wrong? We drive to the boys’ take out point, a nice park with shade and swimming. However, the park is crowded, so crowded we have to drive past the park and ended up on a road we shouldn’t have been on so we try turning around. My friend attempts a three-point in the road, but slips off the pavement into soft sand, burying the rear wheels to the axle. At that point, we said “F@#% this!” and walked to the park and sat in the 100deg. shade for two hours waiting for the boys. So, I really do feel your vehicle pain!

    • bebehblog says:

      Oh my God, you win (lose?) at the game of who has the worst car luck.

      Back when Baby Evan was just a few months old, I had the Jeep just STOP RUNNING in a parking lot on the Navy base. It was our only car-seat compatible vehicle at the time, E was unreachable at work and my only viable option was to walk down to the NEX and buy…I don’t even know what. A new battery? A new car? ANYTHING to get us out of the 100 degree sun in that parking lot.

      A week later I told my family the ONLY THING I wanted for Christmas was a AAA membership. I got one. I’ve used it twice now (both times in my own driveway) but it is the best money anyone has ever spent on anything.

      GET ONE.

  4. Carrie says:

    I was going to share a sob story about my car but then I read Barbra’s and no car story will EVER compare to that.

  5. TMae says:

    A horse and buggy just sounds easier sometimes.

  6. Pregnancy brain is totally a real thing. Every pregnant woman I’ve known has suffered from it. Except, I’m not pregnant anymore and I still suffer from it. The baby eats our brain, I’m convinced!

  7. What’s going on this week/ last week? I am writing a post about last week, the worst.week.ever, for health reasons but it also ended w/ some car dramz when some douche wasn’t paying attention in stop and go traffic and rear ended my husband. We weren’t in the car and by some lucky twist of fate had taken the car seat out that morning ( I hear you have to replace them if they are in an accident – even if the baby isn’t in it). And our trusty Honda Pilot fortunately ended up w/ just a cracked bumper (w/ an Audi symbol stamped into it LOL)

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