There’s nothing like a trip to an amusement park to show you what parts of parenting you’re not-quite-so-good-at yet. We went to Sesame Place this weekend, just me and the kids, since E’s schedule is preventing him from doing anything besides stare at a light on a dashboard and sometimes the back of his eyelids. I’m not alone with the kids (I’m not that crazy) but Kim has two kids of her own to chase around. I think that might make both of us a little more than nuts.

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I scheduled this post to go up today before I left last Saturday, so right now I am probably enjoying my last day at sea with a giant umbrella drink and a pretty impressive sunburn (I NEVER learn). Unless, God forbid, my ship sank or we all got that rotavirus thing or I was attacked by a vicious stingray in which case this is WILDLY inaccurate.

Why is it my kids drove me totally crazy all winter but in the week before vacation they were wonderful angels? Is it because they know it will make me miss them even more than I was going to already? Kids are jerks.

If you give a kid a camera remote...

He's facinated with the wind chimes

p.s. That shirt he is wearing is a 5T. FIVE. The last shirts I bought we 2T. What the hell happened?!

Even though I have been telling people my kids are “three and one” for weeks now I don’t actually BELIEVE it. Three?! How can Evan be three?! Three so many years! Three is huge! Three is preschool and backpacks. Three is inside jokes and friends and opinions and ideas and favorites and independence. Three is clothes in size ginormous and shoes with huge rubber soles. Three is sitting in a chair at the dinner table. Three is repeating everything that comes out of my mouth.

Three is a kid who INSISTS he is too big for naps but falls asleep on the couch at 3 pm clutching his favorite blankie.

If you asked me RIGHT AT THIS SECOND how I like this age, I’d be very enthusiastic. It’s so great! He’s like a real human! He is kind and helpful and polite and is capable of understanding what I say and following directions. He was good for the babysitter. He’s super excited to see his grandparents next week. He is the best big brother ever. If he’s bored and whiny it’s easy to distract him with a game on my iPhone (BabyCenter needs to add “can unlock and correctly use a smart phone” to their list of milestones because it is HUGE) and I can finish Stroller Strides or shopping or whatever. It’s nice to have a kid I actually LIKE as well as love. Because other days – the ones where he hits me in the head with his sippy and throws himself on the floor at the mall and screams at me and I have to drag him out kicking and screaming – I still want to sell him to the circus. He is a wild beast who refuses to use his words or tell me what’s wrong or calm down. He will cry until he’s out of tears and then fake-cry until he can’t breathe. Oi, the fake crying is the WORST.

But really, there are more good days than bad and even the bad days are more like bad HOURS instead of days. He might stall at bedtime for a few minutes but he sleep all night. He isn’t the most adventurous eater but I’m not worried he’s going to starve to death. He likes to play trains with me but can also play by himself while I fold laundry or clean the kitchen. He still agrees to cuddles and kisses and tells me I’m pretty – even if his favorite game is telling me to make a sad face and then laughing at me. Three year olds are like walking, talking contradictions and life is never, ever boring.

Likes include his blankie, milk, cereal, bagels, cream cheese, running, slides, the mall, Target, friends, the dog, the cat, the iPad, bubbles, watching TV, trains, dinosaurs, snow, lollipops, Daddy, reading books, baby sister, and being carried when he is tired.

Dislikes include being woken up, watching “Mommy’s shows”, sharing, sticky hands, wiping his own butt, and being carried when he is NOT tired.

Having my picture taken is LAME.

Not even in a booster seat!

Plotting things

Obsessed with cereal

On the look out for cereal thieves

35 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Describes how two objects are used – Yes, he can talk about trains and Legos all day.
• Uses three to four words in a sentence – His sentences have gotten SO much longer and more complicated (but also way more understandable) in the past week or two. Almost every day E and I look at each other in amazement and how much Evan understands and repeats.
• Names two actions (e.g., skipping, jumping) – Yes, but his favorite is “Be quite guys, I’m SLEEPING” when he is pretending to sleep.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Hops and skips – He can hop hop hop but I’m not sure I’ve ever seen him skip (or asked him to skip)
• Follows a two- or three-part command – Yes, and I am ABUSING THE CRAP out of this milestone when I need something thrown in the hamper or the trash or when Caroline needs something. He’s a great helper.
• Separates fairly easily from parents – I would have said no until last Saturday, but the morning after the babysitter put him to bed he woke up asking for her and told me to go away. So YEAH WHO NEEDS PARENTS?
• Rides a tricycle – He hasn’t tried since last summer, but I’m betting he’s going to be a cycling machine once the weather warms up.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Balances on each foot for three seconds – I just asked him if he could do this and he picked up his foot and looked at me like I was a crazy person. DUH MOM, THIS IS FOR BABIES.
• Gets dressed without help. – He can take OFF his clothes, especially his pants and underwear when he goes potty by himself (by himself!!!!!) but he has a little trouble getting them back on.

Yesterday I found an old iPod in a drawer and gave it to the baby, hoping it would keep her from trying to snatch my iPhone out of my hand every time she saw it. Caroline wasn’t fooled in the slightest – she knows a useless lump of electronics when she seems one – but Little Evan had enough imagination to see it as his very own iPhone and spent the rest of the afternoon walking around with it pressed to his ear saying “Hello? Oh hi! Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, oh ahh-some! Ok bye!”

He thinks tons of things are “ahh-some” (awesome) these days. Trucks. Trains. Dinosaurs. Stroller Strides. Sitting on the couch.  Apples. Bread. Blueberries. Celery. Yep, my picky little eater was actually BEGGING me for more of my celery and spinach hummus snack yesterday afternoon. I have no idea what is causing this new and improved diet but I am definitely on board.

Honestly, he’s being pretty ahh-some himself these days. When he does something wrong I can give him A Look and he apologizes without argument. He plays nicely with his sister (MOST of the time). He doesn’t run away from me in stores so he can walk if he doesn’t feel like riding in the cart. He understand how bribery works, so getting him to do stuff he doesn’t want to do is as easy as promising a lollipop. He even lets me put eye drops in his eyes and squirt saline up his nose without a fight (poor baby has been battling a cold). I have very little to complain about – besides his sudden ability to escape his room and wander around waking up the baby and smearing lipstick on his face – and I’m totally in love with 33 months.

Favorite things include Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, pirates, making forts, playgrounds, the mall, Target, animals, apples, dancing, basketball, milk, cuddling, Finding Nemo, Toy Story, play dinosaurs, DanActive yogurt shake things, his sister, Daddy, Mommy, trains, his friends, talking my ear off, and The Price is Right.

Dislikes include getting his hair cut, booboos, being told to go back to bed when he wants to wander around, being woken up when he wants to sleep, and being forced to watch mommy’s boring shows.

His ankles are always showing because all his pants are too short

He calls his headphones "mikeyphones"

Crazy new big boy haircut

Bribes

Unedited

SCORE!

Basketball scholarship?

32 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usual)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Names one color – He knows white and orange and purple consistently, but he has trouble with red and blue and green getting mixed up. I’m going to ask the doctor if there’s any way to test for color blindness at his 3 year check-up, but honestly I just think he forgets.
• Names one friend – Names a zillion friends…although they all seem to be girls.
• Carries on a simple conversation – Yes, punctuated by the words “Oh, ahh-some!”

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Alternates feet going up and down stairs – Yes, although doing it DOWN the stairs still makes me nervous
• Uses prepositions (e.g., on, in, over) – Yes, although he’s been doing that for a long time so I’m not sure I’m interpreting this correctly. He says stuff like “Baby on the chair?” or “Evan sit in stroller?”
• Speaks clearly most of the time (75 percent can be understood) – I can understand him 90% of the time. Other moms can understand him 75% of the time. Strangers can understand him about 40% of the time.
• Stacks eight blocks – SHOVE YOUR STUPID BLOCKS UP YOUR BUTT, BABYCENTER.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Is toilet trained during the day – Yes! In fact he’s been doing so well I’ve gotten lazy and he’s had a couple accidents because I didn’t respond with urgency. But those are totally MY fault, he’s really really good at holding it.
• Wiggles thumb – I…have no idea? I’ll ask him to do it later and get back to you.
• Expresses a wide range of emotions – He is a virtual glass box of emotions.
• Draws a stick figure – Whoa, really? No, we’re still on squiggles but he’s started identifying them as people or things