Posts Tagged ‘emotions’

Much Better

Friday, April 13th, 2012

My blog has a serious case of whiplash this week, with the insane direction changing – epic party with professional photos! sponsored post! deep feelings! – but my LIFE feels like it has a serious case of whiplash recently so it makes sense. To me, anyways. I probably owe you some extra strength Motrin and a glass of wine.

It’s been a while now since I decided leaving supportive comments on blog posts about depression and anxiety was nice and all, but wasn’t really the same as doing something about my own anxiety. Then I did something, and IMMEDIATELY felt better. So immediately better, in fact, that I started to doubt the medication had anything to do with my feelings and maybe I was placebo-ing myself into believing all my brain-crazy was fixed. Which made me feel even crazier, so then I felt like the medication wasn’t helping AT ALL. Good times!

My doctor made me schedule a follow up when she wrote my first prescription, and when I went back in I tried to explain my worries. She told me I was probably right about BOTH things – Zoloft doesn’t usually work quite so fast, but it could be helping enough that I had noticed, but it probably wasn’t a good idea to stop, but we could always switch to something else if I wanted. We decided since I was almost done breastfeeding we would try a slightly higher dose of Zoloft and I could come back in either when I felt I needed a change or I ran out of pills.

And then I sort of…forgot about it. Life kept happening and I kept dealing with it, only with less screaming and fewer moments where I felt like I was the worst mother in the world. Caroline weaned (which I think had a LOT to do with reaching my absolute worst point). I got a lot more sleep. I managed to go on vacation and truly enjoy myself (besides one teeny tiny panic attack) and came back feeling like a totally new person. And then yesterday, despite a really challenging day with Evan (man, 3 year olds have a LOT of emotions), I got to 7 pm without even once considering getting in my car and driving away. I joked with E about doing shots after bedtime but didn’t really mean it. And after both kids fell asleep I snuck into their rooms to kiss them one more time because I missed them.

My friend Brandy wrote about her experience with PPD this week and although my experience isn’t exactly the same, the way she writes – so straight forward and matter of fact – REALLY resonated with me. Because even as I was reacting in totally irrational ways I could SEE myself being totally irrational and recognized it wasn’t normal. I just couldn’t STOP it. Now I feel less overwhelmed by all the things I haven’t done and more like I am CHOOSING not to bother with those dishes in the sink. But now it’s because I’m too busy playing trains or having tea parties, instead of because I feel like nothing matters. It’s much, much better.

Related posts:

3 Months To Go
Doing My Best (Question Mark) (Exclamation Point)
A Brief List Of Things I Have Yelled At My Children Reccently

My Week(72)&(73) in iPhone Photos

Sunday, March 25th, 2012

I’m cheating a little bit here, because I made it 71 weeks without missing any and I hate to ruin my picture-every-day record. But with vacation last week I didn’t get one up (and I missed a couple days) – so lucky you, this week you get a dozen pictures of blue water and self portraits PLUS a regular boring week. Try to contain your excitement.

Sunday:

I am amazed at how close they get this REALLY BIG BOAT to the pier.

I told you there was champagne.

Happy to be on vacation

Monday:

Oh look, another ModCloth dress. SHOCKING.

Tuesday:

Oops.

Wednesday:

Blue on blue

I'm on a boat

Thursday:

Our view during breakfast

Excuse me, you have a palm tree on your face

Can I go back now?

Friday:

Ok, that's just unnecessary. STOP SHOWING OFF, ISLAND.

AND YOU. Stop taking so many pictures of yourself. GOOD LORD.

You can see the footing of that pier all the way to the bottom. It's deep enough for a cruise ship to dock. That's some clear ass water.

Saturday:

I SAID KNOCK IT OFF. (p.s. I'm totally in love with this dress)

Sunday:

Tan (well, at least less pale) and relaxed

Fly over

That's Manhattan, right behind the window specks

Monday:

To celebrate being back from vacation, I went to the dermatologist and had a chunk of my ear removed (it ended up being nothing serious)

My boys caught up on their naps

Celebrating an early spring with bubbles

Tuesday:

A picture of me looking at my vacation pictures. I'm TRYING to make you leave at this point.

The Very Hungry Toddler

I acknowledge your request to "Please sit in my chair" and I reject it.

Wednesday:

Ready for gymnastics

Fire truck at Stop & Shop was the highlight of Evan's YEAR

I'm not exactly sure what game they're playing, but I love it

Thursday:

This face, all morning. Her life is SO HARD.

Even Evan was exhausted from Caroline's tantrum

Showing us how eating his dinner makes his muscles big and strong

Friday:

Peek a Boo!

Hey kid, throw some Cheerios my way

Redneck in training

Saturday:

I think this means she's hungry

My to-do -list for Evan's birthday - I'm not sure how that ruffle dress ended up in my cart but I assure you it was a totally necessary purchase.

It's important to transport your Girl Scout Cookies safely.

Come back you cowards! I want a rematch!

Frozen fruit, pina colada mix, and mango rum. Vacation rewind!

My plans to get all the things done this weekend were derailed by too much Saturday morning dawdling at Target, a cook-out all afternoon, and sleeping in on Sunday so my week is going to involve much birthday crafting and baking. We have family coming to visit next weekend so in between all the dinosaurs I also need to clean the entire house. Thank goodness my mom did indeed scrub all the kitchen grout (and the bathroom grout and the laundry room and the yard and and and…) Fortunately (unfortunately) the weather isn’t supposed to be as nice as last week so I won’t be tempted to ignore my housework in favor of patio sitting.

Did you take any camera phone photos this week? Link up with one or lots using the linky below and grab the code (so it shows on your blog too!) over at Amy’s . It’s really fun!

Related posts:

Wordless Wed...wait, what day is it?
Thankful Day 28: Boring
My Week(173) in iPhone Photos
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