(For reference: Linc 3 months, Caroline 3 months)

I started this post at 9 am, and it is now 9:29 pm. Finn is an adorable, cuddly, happy baby but he also wants to nurse 90% of the time he is awake. It is hard to work on my computer while he is nursing, and impossible to do almost anything else either. I don’t mind sitting on the couch mostly. Sitting down is nice. I am starting to resent being forced to watch the shows Linc picks though. There are only 3 seasons of Octonauts on Netflix and I have seen them all.

Finnegan’s eating habits are strongly reflected in his thighs. He hasn’t had a checkup recently, but I’m guessing he’s about 18 lbs. He’s wearing 6-9 or 9-12 month clothes – anything that actually says “3 months” on it is too small.  Caroline really, really, really wants to carry him around and help with baby stuff, but I’m terrified she’s going to drop him just because he’s so chubby. As soon as he can sit up on his own we’ll both be much more comfortable. He’s like a big round lump of soft white squish. His rolls are getting rolls. It’s amazing.

Finn really loves his swing. He likes the bouncy seat too, and the play mat, and the rock-n-play. But he LOVES the swing. We actually burnt out the motor in the swing we had left over from Linc because we use it so much. Moving the swing up and down the stairs is annoying, so we take turns sleeping on the couch until he wakes up for his night feeding. Luckily that’s been getting later and later, so 4-5 hour chunks of sleep are possible. As soon as he hits 6 hours in a row consistently we’ll try to transition him to the rock-n-play in the bedroom, but honestly I don’t hate the couch. If he’s fussy or awake for a long time I get to watch stuff on Netflix (Yesterday, the final Jeopardy question was about someone who won an Oscar, a Grammy and an Emmy, and I knew the answer immediately because I had JUST watched the EGOT episode of 30 Rock. Being awake at 2 am is educational!)

I feel a little guilty that Finn doesn’t get out into the world nearly as much as the previous children did. I’ve had a cold for the past 6 weeks. I’m fighting off a touch of PPD. I’m still not fully over my election disappointment (TBH, I really doubt I ever will be). Linc is a fairly difficult 2-year-old and I have a limited number of hands to wrangle him when he throws himself on the floor because I also have to do something with the baby, whether it’s wear him or put him in a stroller or cart. Once Finn is big enough to throw on my back I think we’ll get out a lot more, but I have a few more months before that’s going to happen.

I realize that this monthday update is more about other children than Finnegan. I think it’s a 4th baby problem – right now, all he needs is to be kept alive and clean. His personality is “3-month-old baby”. He isn’t particularly hard or particularly easy. It’s going to take a little longer for me to think of him as a full person.

Likes: Swinging, nursies, throwing up, cuddles, his siblings, music, bath time, his blankie, mommy, daddy.

Dislikes: Being forced to sit up for photos, gas, cold feet.

That was a sneeze. It was hilarious.

3 Month Milestones 

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Recognizes your face and scent – Definitely. He totally likes me best.
Holds head steady – He’s almost got it.
Visually tracks moving objects – Yes, he really likes Evan’s lightsaber.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Squeals, gurgles, coos – Yes.
Blows bubbles – Sometimes. He can do it but I’m not sure it’s on purpose.
Recognizes your voice – Unsure. He probably recognizes the Octonauts theme song though.
Does mini-pushup – Sometimes. He’s not much of a tummy time fan.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Rolls over, from tummy to back – He can get about half way. Just enough that I should probably stop leaving him on the couch.
Turns toward loud sounds – It almost worked during photos.
Can bring hands together, bats at toys – He can hold his own hands but I’m not sure it’s intentional.

I was SO PROUD of myself for having this done and scheduled to post on Linc’s actual 3rd monthday…and then I went to post it and realized I was posting it on the 24th and I missed his 3rd monthday. I missed an entire day and didn’t notice until 7 pm.

Right now as I write this Linc is fussing, so I guess I can’t technically say he NEVER fusses. If he NEVER fussed, I would think there was something wrong with him. He fusses just enough that I’m pretty sure he’s a human child. I should probably go cuddle him.

It is now an hour later than when I wrote that first paragraph and Linc is asleep. He’ll probably stay that way until around 6:30 am, which means my 3 month old sleeps through the night. I have literally no idea HOW or WHY (if I did, I would write a book and be a millionaire) but he sleeps. Which means I sleep. Which is the only reason I’m managing to be a real human being. Sleep is the best. I actually hate when people ask me “So, are you getting any sleep?” because they totally expect me to say “Oh, yes, well, you know, newborn babies…” It feels douchey to say “Yep, 9 or 10 hours straight!” No one wants to hear about my freak baby.

Linc has sort of given up on the schedule he had for the last couple of months. He’s awake a lot more these days, so I can’t count on him sleeping through my dentist appointment or haircut or errands, but SOMETIMES he does. And he still likes being held by anyone, so if the nice dental hygienist isn’t busy she can watch him for me. Which she did. I actually had no idea where my baby was when my appointment was over, since she took him up to the waiting room to show him off. They threatened to keep him, but I didn’t need THAT much dental work so I made them give him back.

He still sleeps in my room, despite the adorable nursery being all done and totally ready for him. I even have a super fancy video monitor to keep an eye on him while he sleeps through the night. But I don’t WANT him to be so far away! He’s so cute and tiny! I swear I am not just being weird, I actually feel a biological need to have him in the room with me. We’ve got that super in-sync nursing thing (my boobs wake me up like 2 minutes before he wakes up in the morning) and I think the room-sharing is a big part of that. There is plenty of time for him to use his cute nursery when he can actually appreciate it.

ALSO, I swear his bottom right front tooth is coming through. Swear. I felt it. How do I not remember if this is freakishly early for teeth?

Likes include sleeping, eating, smiling, tickles, his brother, his sister, the crazy otteroo neck floaty, being carried around, looking at stuff, ceiling fans, his feet, Daddy, Mommy, flirting, water, the swing, the baby gym, blankies, and getting his diaper changed.

Dislikes include gas bubbles, not getting fed quickly enough, loud noises, and when you accidentally whack his head on the door frame of a submarine.

That thing he’s lying on is one of my woven wraps – it’s a KoKaDi Captain. I wasn’t sure I loved it but it matches his nursery and clearly Linc loves it, so I’m keeping it in the nursery as his blankie.

3 Month Milestones (originally from BabyCenter, borrowed from Caroline’s 3 month post)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Recognizes your face and scent – Definitely. He totally likes me best.
Holds head steady – Mostly. I think he’s getting a really strong neck from me wearing him all the time – he has to hold his giant noggin up to look around.
Visually tracks moving objects – Especially my iPhone because I am a really good mother

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Squeals, gurgles, coos – He loves to have chats and flirt with people.
Blows bubbles – Sooooometimes? He laughs when I blow bubbles.
Recognizes your voice – Yep. Like I said, he likes me best.
Does mini-pushup – Nope. Hates tummy time and I don’t want him to be mobile anyways. Third baby problems.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Rolls over, from tummy to back – Nope. He can fling himself from side to side when he’s on his back but he’s not even close to rolling.
Turns toward loud sounds – Yes. He actually gets mad now if you startle him.
Can bring hands together, bats at toys – Yes! He grabs the toys on his baby gym and can get them into his mouth. I’m impressed. He also found his feet, which is my favorite baby milestone. Feeeeeeeeet!

Starting a post with a disclaimer always feels sort of cheap and pointless, because if I’m able to sum up everything I’m about to say with “I don’t really MEAN it” then why write the post at all? And why would you bother to read? But blogging is the equivalent of spending 45 minutes picking lint out of your belly button so I’m going to do all the navel gazing I want and you can just come back tomorrow for some pictures of my TWO YEAR OLD.

Here’s the disclaimer: I’m not pregnant and don’t plan to be any time in 2011. My uterus is taking the year off.

Here’s the introspection:

I was approximately a week pregnant at Little Evan’s first birthday party. We had decided to start trying for baby #2 once baby #1 was 12 months old. We picked that date totally arbitrarily – it SOUNDED like a reasonable age gap – but I was really really not ready just then. Evan was not an easy baby. But because – TMI ALERT – I never got my period back we weren’t really trying trying but weren’t not trying and then bam! Knocked up. No time to think about how Little Evan was still nursing 6 times a day, still wasn’t eating any solid food, didn’t drink milk from a cup, didn’t sleep through the night, and didn’t listen to a thing I said.

Three months later he had totally weaned, drank whole milk like it was going out of style and slept 12 hours straight at night. He still doesn’t listen but if I waited until that happened before getting pregnant he’d be an only child. So besides the time during those first 3 months when I lay on the floor wishing I could go back to being totally childless (nothing like getting up at night with a toddler screaming for milk when all you want to do is hug the toilet) having babies 20 months apart seemed like a totally reasonable choice, even though the first baby was a, uh, challenging infant.

At my first prenatal appointment with Caroline, the doctor looked at my chart and said “Have you considered what kind of birth control you’ll use after you have the baby?” And I said “Can you put in an IUD while I’m still in the hospital? I think 2 babies in 2 years is enough.”

Three months later, I’m a little sorry I got that IUD. I mean, NO. GOD NO, being pregnant again so soon would be AWFUL. The last two months of pregnancy kicked my ass so hard I need at least a year to recover. The kidney stones, the time in the hospital, the pre-eclampsia…Ugh. I’m exhausted just thinking about how exhausted I was. But in some sort of cosmic apology for all that, Caroline is still a super easy baby. She’s happy and smiley and a great nurser and a good sleeper and I’m not struggling at all the way I was when Little Evan was this age.

I guess what I’m thinking is, if I was ready for baby #2 after a year with a really difficult baby #1, how long can I possibly want to wait before having baby #3? But if baby #3 is going to be my last baby do I really want to be done having babies so soon? On the one hand, finishing up all the newborn stuff now sounds really appealing. No more diapers! A wardrobe that doesn’t involve boob-accessibility!  A child-free bedroom! On the other hand, I know my baby fever will be COMPLETELY out of control in a few years when my friends are getting pregnant and I don’t want to end up fighting with E over whether or not 4 is too many kids for us. We have not yet decided with ANY certainty how many children we’re going to have, and I know even if we did pick a number now it’s not like someone etches it in stone somewhere and I couldn’t possibly change my mind 5 years from now. But it sort of feels like I’m using up my baby allowance rather quickly. I never did learn how to save my babies. Er, pennies. No wait, babies. I think I killed that metaphor.

Now here’s the part where you unload your thoughts on child spacing and family size. You know you want to.

As requested by the brilliant MKP, side by sides of Baby Evan and Caroline at 3 months:

My thought is that even though they look like SIBLINGS they don’t really look the SAME. Caroline’s head is shaped differently and her chin is pointier. Even though she was born bigger, Caroline is less chubby than 3 month old Baby Evan. I also think Caroline’s eyes are bluer, which makes me think they might stay that color instead of turning grey/green like Evan’s did. They have almost the same nose but I think Caroline’s turns up just a liiiittle more. Also, I think Caroline looks more feminine, but I’m not sure an outside observer would agree.

And right now, you’re thinking I am TOTALLY INSANE because they look IDENTICAL and who spends this much time analyzing every teeny tiny difference in their baby’s faces?

Unless you have more than one kid. Because then you probably totally understand.

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Tomorrow is my kidney stone removal surgery, which is just a same-day outpatient procedure but is causing me a huge amount of stress. What if I’m there all day? Will Caroline take a bottle? Will I be allowed to nurse after sedation? Is it going to hurt? Is passing all the stone fragments going to hurt? Will this finally take care of all these damn kidney infections or do I have an underlying issue that could be more serious? I’m probably overreacting and I’ll be there an hour with no pain and then get to come home and nap because I’m “recovering”, but it’s easy to let my worries get the best of me. Wish me luck!

Three months in and Caroline is still the happiest, smiley-est, cutest baby ever in the whole history of the world. Obviously I’m a little biased but seriously, she gives newborns everywhere a good name. I should rent her out to people who are scared that having a baby will be super hard. Of course, then their baby will end up being all colicky and refluxy and screamy and they’ll hunt me down and punch me right in my smug face. To which I will just say I paid my dues, suckers, and his name is Baby Evan.

For the record, Toddler Evan is pretty awesome. But Baby Caroline makes me want a dozen more babies.

Unfortunately, we don’t have a 3 months well-baby check so I don’t have real stats for height and weight, but she is definitely big and chubby. We’ve moved up to 6 months sleepers and dresses and I’ve already started a pile of too-small stuff to put away. I’m super excited that spring is almost here so I can start putting her in the dozens and dozens of adorable barely worn hand-me-downs my friends and sister-in-law have given her.

Caroline is now awake for a lot of the day, but will fall asleep if we go anywhere in the car or if we wrap her up and bounce her in the bouncy seat. She sleeps for an amount of time that is technically considered “through the night” by baby-sleep experts but still involves feeding her at midnight and 5 am. Which is fantastic, as long as I get an occasional nap to make up for those couple of lost hours. One of these days we’ll work on moving her to the co-sleeper or the crib – or a new crib, if I can convince E we need one – but for now she’s still sleeping the the swing most of the time. Ok, all the time. No judging unless you’ve lived with a baby who gets up every 90 minutes to nurse for 8 months straight.

Favorite things still include smiling, looking at people, sleeping, and making adorable baby sounds. Dislikes are gas bubbles and having onesies pulled over her head.

And now for the gratuitous picture section. Milestones are below:

Ah! It's trying to eat me!

Bebeh feet of the month

2 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter, as usually)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
Recognizes your face and scent – Yes, although I’m afraid if I ever start taking regular showers again I might confuse her
Holds head steady – Yes, there is definitely less slamming of her head into my face when I try to hold her on my shoulder
Visually tracks moving objects – Yes, which I find ridiculously adorable

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
Squeals, gurgles, coos – OMG the noises she makes are the absolute cutest noises ever in the whole world
Blows bubbles – Yes
Recognizes your voice – I think so, she definitely smiles the most when I talk to her
Does mini-pushup – Yes, she’s super strong!

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
Rolls over, from tummy to back – YES! She did it for the first time right on her 3 month birthday. She can also go halfway from her back to tummy but can’t get over her arm
Turns toward loud sounds – Sort of. There are a lot of loud sounds around here. They only bother her about 50% of the time
Can bring hands together, bats at toys – Yes and yes, I’ve started giving her small toys to hold, which doesn’t last very long but she likes to try

Aaaaand one more picture for the hell of it. I was trying to catch her smiling but this is actually more awesome: