We’re currently going through a delightful and exciting stage of development called “I’m 14 months old and I hate everything”. It main consists of Baby Evan hating things and making his hatred known in the loudest, screechiest, most ear-splitting way possible. Things Baby Evan currently hates include:

1. Diapers
2. Getting dressed
3. Being told not to hit people
4. Being told not to throw things
5. The floor
6. Sleep
7. The cat
8. Shoes
9. Hats
10. Sunscreen
11. Water, especially the river, especially people going swimming in the river
12. Children
13. Any food besides the one specific kind he wants at that exact moment but has no clear way of communicating what that one specific food is
14. The world “no”
15. EVERYTHING ELSE

I think I could deal (if not exactly patiently and lovingly) most of the time if we could get back to the happy place where Baby Evan sleeps 7pm-7am with one early morning feeding. I’m not even asking for him to sleep through the night. I just need him to get more than 8 hours – for EVERYONE’s sanity. For the last week we’ve done our normal bedtime routine at 7:30 or 8:00 pm and then fought a screaming child for close to an hour before giving up and letting him come back downstairs to empty the cabinets and torture the dog for another hour until the face-rubbing and whining reach epic proportions. We considered having him asleep by 9:30 on Sunday night a victory…only to have him wake up for the day at 4:45 am. Last night was another “victory” where he only whined for a few minutes before passing out and AGAIN was up at an ungodly hour.

E and I are understandably exhausted, not just from our own lack of sleep but from the mental strain of a crying, unhappy child we cannot seem to comfort. We spend hours every evening having the same discussions over and over: Do you think he’s teething? He must be teething. One year molars you know. Do you think he’s hungry? What else can we feed him? He must be too tired to sleep, poor thing. Should we just bring him downstairs? I know we don’t want to but what else can we do? It’s probably his teeth. I’m clinging to the hope that it’s just a phase, a temporary setback before he goes back to the good sleeper (relatively speaking) we’ve had for the last 6 months. Either that or I’m selling him to gypsies. Do they still take babies?

The only other possibility – although it sounds sort of crazy to me – is maybe he’s having nightmares or bad dreams or terrors. I don’t know if that’s the sort of developmental milestone a baby grows into around the 1 year mark and I have no idea what to do about it. What does a 14 month old even have nightmares about? A sudden peanut butter shortage? Losing his last sippy cup? The passage of federal legislation making shoes mandatory at all times? Whatever it might be, my only hope right now is to fill his life with so many happy thoughts and new experiences he forgets all about it. Maybe there’s a circus I can take him to. That sounds exciting. And also like a good place to find some gypsies.

Surprisingly, this month-day didn’t come up too fast. I’ve been saying Baby Evan was 14 months old for a couple weeks until I remembered May came after April and it wasn’t yet June and the number after 12 is 13. It’s understandable I’d have some trouble, seeing as how I’ve only know my months and numbers for the last 26 years or so. After the immense excitement of Baby Evan’s 1st birthday party and all the traveling we did in May I somehow expected the time to just fly by, when instead it dragged on, rich and full and slow like molasses. But now my baby is officially 14 months old and we can barrel on towards our next month-day.

14 Month Milestones (from BabyCenter)

Mastered Skills (most kids can do)
• Eats with fingers – Yes! Food! He puts food in his mouth!!
• Empties containers of contents – Any container of anything ever.
• Imitates others – Seriously one of the most fun milestones, since now you have the power to make the baby do all sorts of funny things. We have a new game that involves smacking ourselves in the face. It’s a lot cuter than it sounds there.

Emerging Skills (half of kids can do)
• Toddles well – Unstoppable.
• Initiates games – He initiates games with the dog all the time, especially “I’ll hold your tail while you try to run away and we’ll see how long it takes for me to fall down” and “sit still, you’re a chair!”
• Points to one body part when asked – NOSE!
• Responds to instructions (e.g., “give me a kiss”) – Oh he responds alright. Unfortunately, most of the time when I ask he throws himself backwards to avoid having to give kisses. Although he has no shortage for his father. He also knows “no” “don’t touch that” “stop” “not yours” “danger” and “hey cut it out!” I’m kind of exhausted.

Advanced Skills (a few kids can do)
• Uses a spoon or fork – He could get a spoon in his mouth but not without getting most of the food on his face or shirt.
• Matches lids with appropriate containers – No. But then again, I care barely do that.
• Pushes and pulls toys while walking – Yes.

Enjoying his stash of things he's not allowed to touch.

Pretending to be Daddy.

Why are you bothering me? Can't you see I'm on a call right now?

One of the rare moments he's climbing it the correct way.

I do it all by myself!

Hi mama, whatcha doin? Whatcha doin' mama? Whatcha lookin' at?

Love my doggie. Dog dog dog dog dog.

Ooof, being 14 months old is exhausting. Time to lie down.

Literally. My parents, E and I took Baby Evan to the National Zoo in Washington on Saturday. It was…exhausting. And hot. And I was sort of unimpressed by what I remembered as a really cool zoo from my childhood – the walking to animal ratio was much too large and the one animal I though Baby Evan would really like (giraffes) were no where to be found.

I know pictures of zoo animals are really boring so I’ll try to keep this short. Of course, I will fail.

Baby Evan's first ride on public transportation. I think he liked it.

OMG A PANDA IT'S A PANDA IT'S BLACK AND WHITE AND A BEAR AND FROM CHINA. TRY NOT TO PEE YOUR PANTS.

Seriously, the amount of freaking out of a panda eating bamboo was epic.

Baby Evan getting in on the exciting panda fun. Although he thought it was a dog.

Number of Ergos spotted: 4. Number worn by men: 4. Number of people who looked at my carrier and told their husband "Oh I think that's the Becco": 1.

For the record, the zoom on my camera is not that good. This cheetah was REALLY close.

Stupid llama. Plus ten point for getting the reference. Minus 10 points for admitting it. Minus another 10 points for me since this is actually an emu.

Aw it's a gorilla family. The baby was the cutest thing ever.

This is the point where Baby Evan lost interest in the animals and started wondering when nap time starts.

I suspected this was a fake alligator because of the moss, but I saw him blink so I'm pretty sure he was alive.

I had to physically restrain myself from shouting "Aslan! Aslan! Take me to Naria!" I'm kind of a crazy person when it comes to lions.

HAHAHAHA! You thought I couldn't get breastfeeding into a zoo picture post didn't you? I can get breastfeeding into ANYTHING. But really, I loved this sign.

After the zoo Mom and Dad took us out to lunch while Baby Evan slept in his stroller. When he woke up our waitress bribed him to be good with Oreos. I think he enjoyed them.

Baby Evan made a lot of friends on the metro. He clearly doesn't understand the "listen to your iPod and don't make eye contact" rule.

Although by the end of the day I'd say he was ready for his own metro card.

Next time we’ll do real Washington, with lots of monuments and museums and freeze dried ice cream. Which is the Washington I remember from my childhood.