Reasons I Might Not Be A Great Mother

1. I’ve said “Oh my God, I HATE CHILDREN” at least 4 times in the past 24 hours.
2. I spent an hour scrolling through 1,000,000+ Google results for “alcohol and pregnancy” until I finally found a website that said moderate drinking during my 2nd trimester probably wouldn’t ruin my baby’s life. It was on page 42.
3. If my baby came home now, it would have to sleep in a drawer.
4. The nursery is full of floor varnish fumes that may or may not be toxic.
5. I think my cat is waaaay too needy.
6. My car is completely inappropriate for a baby. I have no plans to sell it.
7. I cheer when shows on HBO have nudity warnings.
8. The last time I mopped the floor was…never.
9. I had cheeseburgers for breakfast and pie for lunch.
10. I would like to murder the entire cast of High School Musical 3 with a pair of pliers.

8 Responses to “Reasons I Might Not Be A Great Mother”

  1. lalaland13 says:

    5, along with 7-10, could all apply to me as well. But here’s the thing: I think you’ll be a very good mom all the same. You have a loving husband, a good sense of humor, and your ability to hate children means that you may just love your own child and hate the others. I don’t really see a problem with that, since if I ever had kids, I’d probably be the same way. Hopefully it just means you won’t be one of those “The world rotates around my kid!” people that bitch to my mom the teacher almost every single damn day.

    And what kind of pie? Pie is delicious. I had cake for breakfast today, though.

  2. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    When parents loose sight of their life outside of the context of children, it’s not positive for them, society, OR the children. I think your honesty and willingness to see your life in it’s FULL context is healthy. As Lala said, when everyone’s identity/function become consumed by the presence of and relationship with a child….there’s a real damn problem.

    I’m sure it’s hard, but PLEASE just don’t take the alcohol risk during pregnancy. I’ve seen way too many fetal alcohol and fetal alcohol effects babies in my public health career. It’s a grim situation.

    Pie, cheeseburgers, an aversion to mopping, a fun car…sounds like this kid will have a really neat mom!!

  3. h_a_l says:

    I feel you on several of these points. Someone said to my husband over the weekend “Now that you’re going to have a kid you’re going to have to trade in your car for something more reliable like a mini van (we drive a ’63 Buick Skylark) and he was like ‘ No way! And I totally want to get a custom car seat made to match my interior’

    Also, except for my insatiable craving for all things apple, my diet has been pretty crap since I found out I was preggers. I have a total taste aversion to all things salad (except for my beloved cucumbers)> I’m trying to correct this but thank god for pre-natal vitamins!

    I think that you are going to be a great mother! So don’t worry about wanting to murder the High School Musical cast!

  4. FF says:

    All of these, in my mind, should also be listed as “reasons my kid will be kick ass.”

  5. stacyinbean says:

    FF is so right, you’ll love this lil’ bebeh into near perfection, plus the odds of it being a ginger babe or a complete tow head are incredibly high. This adds instant kick ass-ness (and extreme cuteness) to the kid! (says the brunette chick)

    Also, if you want to show everyone you’re pregnant and sex addict, I’ve found the perfect shirt!

    Not sure if this will work but here it goes!

    if not just go here! –

  6. AGreenEyeDevil says:

    Oh h_a_l, my parents had a Buick Skylark from the 1960’s when I was a little girl. To this day, that’s still my all time favorite car!!! minivan.madness!

  7. M says:

    you are most funny. However, for #10, why not set a couple of them on fire? Too much plier work can be really exhausting.

  8. Ha, I probably won’t be so good myself, if this list is any indication. I just at a piece of cake for a mid-morning snack.

    @M: I know you’ll agree with me on this: If we’re taking out the HSM cast, we might as well finish the job by offing the Jonas Brothers and Miley Cyrus. The world will thank us.

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