Pale and squishy. But fun!

This weekend we’re making the annual trek out to Plymouth, Mass for E’s aunt & uncle’s 4th of July party. There will be hamburgers. There will be beer. There will be fireworks. And there will be A POOL. Which means tonight before dinner I headed out to find a bathing suit.

BATHING SUITS OMG JUST HAD A BABY NO WAY NO WAY STRETCH MARKS WEIRD STOMACH POOCH SPANDEX HORRORS BLINDINGLY PALE SO AWFUL ALERT THE BIKINI POLICE AND READY THE JAWS OF LIFE!!!!11!1!!!

Actually, it was the least unpleasant bathing suit shopping ever. I tried on three. They all fit ok. One looked the best and was in a nice color and a halter style that will allow me to breastfeed. It was $25. I bought it.

Did I mention it’s a one piece? The last time I shopped for a one piece was for church camp (apparently belly buttons are the gateway to Satan) in 8th grade. Since then I’ve spent the first two months of every summer searching in vain for an affordable, flattering bikini. One year I bought a dozen cheap ones at Wal-Mart and just threw a sarong over the bits that didn’t fit right. One year I spent $100 on a very nice orange bikini with a bandeau top – and spent my time at the beach wishing I could go body surfing without flashing all of South Carolina. I’ve tried ordering them online. I’ve tried the special bathing-suit-stores. I’ve tried on literally hundreds and hundreds of suits in the past decade. But I never considered just buying a one piece. Those are for old people or my mom.

But now I am a mom. I have a three month old baby and a three month post-partum body. I could use a little extra material in my swim wear. And maybe some ruching. And a hidden control panel. And a nice flattering criss-crossy pattern. Anything short of a full body wet suit is going to expose some flaws and imperfections and the old Suzanne, the 22 year old who ate half a Powerbar for lunch and plain lettuce for dinner and hated every part of herself between her chin and her knees, that Suzanne would be dreading everything about this pool and beach filled weekend. But the cliches about how you learn to love and appreciate your body after pregnancy are true. I GREW A PERSON. I am currently keeping that person alive using only my boobs. That is way cooler than a bikini any day.

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8 Responses to “Pale and squishy. But fun!”

  1. Brigid Keely says:

    I’m a big old fatty fatty fat fat, so bathing suit shopping has always been a trial; especially because I’m short and small of titties, and most clothing manufacturers assume that if you are fat you are tall and super stacked. Hah! No! I can but wish!

    ANYWAY, I was able to find good looking stuff at Target and bought a tankini. I like tankinis because it’s easier to peel the soaking wet bottoms off when you have to use the toilet (as opposed to peeling down the whole damn suit), and your tits aren’t hanging out all naked and cold.

    So! I have a swim suit! I live 3 blocks from the beach! We had nice, hot, sunny weather! Why did I not haul the baby out there?

    Because I am afraid that his paler-than-cheese flesh will combust if exposed to sunlight. Melanoma runs in the family. I’m doing all I can to keep him clear of it.

  2. h_a_l says:

    This is awesome and I love your point at the end. I bet you get flooded with compliments all weekend about how great you look.

    The last time I bought new bathing suits was last summer before my Caribbean vacation, and I am totally fine with the fact that those bathing suits will probably never fit me again.

    Enjoy your weekend!

  3. stacyinbean says:

    Good work! I’ve been rocking the one pieces for the past 2 or 3 years and I have to admit I love it. Way less tugging and falling off and pulling at parts. I am in desperate need of a new one though and haven’t found anything as awesome as my current favorite suit. I bet you look great, and even if you don’t think YOU look perfect, that little man you just grew is certainly perfect and that’s way cooler too!

  4. J.D.Regent says:

    Right on mama. Guess what? In order to make human beings out of nothing, we can’t be skinny. Fat is powerful and life-giving. And I bet you look gorgeous no matter what.

  5. lalaland13 says:

    I have never been able to wear a two-piece. And I suspect I never will. So you’re way ahead of me there, and I bet you look great.

  6. FourInchHeels says:

    @Brigid – an old swim team trick with a one-piece is just to tug the crotch to the side and then you’re free to pee, and pull it back over your lady bits when you’re done.

  7. What a great post! And a healthy way of looking at your post pregnancy body instead of beating yourself up over it or trying desperately to get back down to a ridiculously unnatural size.

    I’ll bet you look great :)

  8. […] I’m going to have to go bathing suit shopping AGAIN, since last year’s one piece is not a maternity suit and the maternity suit I do have is incredibly uncomfortable and ugly. I […]

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