Yesterday at my dentist’s appointment my hygienist told me I was due for some x-rays. I was actually due at the LAST checkup but since I was eight months pregnant they had to hold off. So after a bunch of chatting about the baby and her new landscaping she took me upstairs and stuck me in the lead vest. Just before she pushed the button to start she laughed and said “Oh I guess I should ask if there’s a chance you might be pregnant.” I was all “HA HA HA HA wouldn’t that be funny? And by funny I mean awful?” I assured her my baby-making factory was still closed down and she could safely shoot me full of radiation.

But when I got home, I Googled “is it safe to get an x-ray while I’m pregnant?”* Because…what if I am? I mean, I’m totally NOT. No way. I’m on birth control. And exclusively breastfeeding. And that thing you have to do to get pregnant? It doesn’t get done very often. But I’m not great at remembering to take my pill. And the baby isn’t nursing every 2 hours any more. And the thing did get done. Suddenly I miss my period. It’s absence no longer feels like a blessing, but rather a huge hole in my certainty that Baby Evan will be an only child a little while longer.

It doesn’t help that E’s brother and his wife are visiting and she said “Hey remember how the last time I was here you were all ‘I think I might be pregnant but the test came back negative I’m so confused – let’s get some martinis!!!’ and then it turned out you totally were! And now you have a baby!” Then my brother-in-law was all “Wanna hear about how I was an accident? I’m only 14 months younger than my sister!” I didn’t really hear any more after that, as I was too busy throwing myself out the window at the thought of babies 14 months apart.

I supposed the only way to ease my mind would be to take that lone remaining pregnancy test in my medicine cabinet. But when it comes back negative I’m going to feel a fool for acting like a 16-year old about this. OH EM GEE am i preggerz?!!?!? 4 real! maybeeeeeee lol! Ugh that hurt my head. My fear is extra ridiculous because we always planned to have more kids. Baby Evan is such a social little baby it I don’t think it would be fair to him to grow up an only child, especially as a military kid where you have to leave your friends behind every couple of years. Plus being pregnant means I’ve still got 9 months before I have two kids. It’s not like the stork’s going to drop a newborn on my doorstep tomorrow – and if it tried I’d shoot the damn bird right out of the sky.

If I am pregnant, expect this post to disappear. My (imaginary) kid is already doomed to enough therapy without reading about how he was a mistake on the internet. Plenty of time to share that info when he’s a teenager.**

*Good news, x-rays aren’t that bad. E is actually more radioactive than a dental x-ray and this first one came out with the right number of limbs.

**My imaginary baby is a boy, although I really wanted a girl. Oh look another reason to delete this!