My Newest Baby

When I first found out I was pregnant I immediately went into list-making mode, creating Excel spreadsheets, Word documents, scribbles on the back of receipts, filling notebooks and day planners full of things to buy, things to do, things to attend. I searched Amazon for other people’s lists of baby gear must-haves. I read dozens of reviews and mommy blogs to find the BEST bouncy seat and the BEST swing and the BEST crib mattress and crossed stuff off my lists as I went.

But nowhere in the great interwebs or the parenting magazines or the advice books did anyone say this:

BUY A BETTER WASHING MACHINE.

Now, I realize some of you are going to curse me soundly for complaining about my old washer when you still have to haul all your clothes down to your building’s shared basement laundry – or worse, to the laundromat blocks away. Let me just say, I’ve been there too. But having My Very Own In-House Laundry was absolutely #1 on my list of Things To Do Before Getting Pregnant, followed by Have A Really Embarrassing Vegas Story and Drink A Beverage That Was Previously On Fire, so I feel like maybe I should have been more specific. Maybe my list should have said My Very Own Washing Machine That Actually, You Know, Launders, Spins and Doesn’t Leak Water All Over My Floor.

We bought the old washer four years ago when we suddenly found ourselves renting a house with hook-ups and the nearest laundromat twenty miles away. We paid $35 at a yard sale. I think we’ve definitely gotten our money’s worth out of that purchase, even including the $30 E spent replacing the water pump a couple months ago when we first considered buying a whole new machine. But there were so many other things to spend money on, cute things with teddy bears or little sailboats or smiling monkeys on them, why throw out something that was still working?

On Sunday, the machine stopped draining, and yet somehow still managed to leak a couple inches of water into the tray we had very wisely placed underneath. I decided it was time to send my $35 washer off to the Big Appliance Shop in the Sky. A quick trip to Bernie’s and one medium sized dent in our savings account later, the new machine was on it’s way. They delivered it Tuesday morning (and took the old one away, thank God). And now…WOW. Never in my life have I been this excited to do laundry. I washed every dirty article of clothing, bedding, towel and pillow in the house. And everything is so CLEAN. CLEAN AND NOT SMELLY! Not only is the machine (a GE Profile, for the record) super energy efficient (estimated yearly operating cost: $22), the dryer takes half as long as it used to now that the clothes go in with most of the water already spun out. And did I mention the CLEANING? Tuesday morning there was a really terrible stealth poopsplosion that resulted in yellow baby crap smeared across several articles of clothing and what I thought was a permanent stain on the changing pad cover. But my new washer was all “I GOT THIS” and the poop is GONE. It never occurred to me that the old washer was such a piece of crap it was actually failing to clean stuff and a new machine would improve my life this much. I feel like I’ve just discovered cheese or chocolate or yoga pants. Other magic features: a digital time remaining display, two presoak settings, and no agitator post in the middle – which means I can fit a whole comforter in the drum. Do you understand now why I’ve written an entire post about a washing machine?!

Now if only I could get E to agree to buy the matching dryer too…

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12 Responses to “My Newest Baby”

  1. erniebufflo says:

    Congrats on the new appliance! My sister makes fun of me for describing my washer and dryer as “sexy,” but seriously, they’re navy blue Samsung front-loaders and they are effing hawt. I don’t separate my laundry, I throw it all in on cold, and it has never been a problem. The dryer is supa-fast, AND they sing me little songs when they finish a cycle. We got them on scratch-and-dent sale at Lowes and sometimes I just want to hug them. And I’m betting the “sanitize” cycle would come in handy if I were ever dealing with laundry involving poop.

  2. Meg says:

    Just last night on FB, I was dreaming of a Dyson. The kind with the roller-ball in it. You dream of washers, I dream of vacuum cleaners.

    That said, I envy you your new laundry system. I have a washer/dryer combo in my apt. The washer is fine, the dryer sucks, so I hang everything to dry.

  3. sarrible says:

    I would do perverted things to have a washer and dryer in my apartment. I’ve now put off doing three weeks’ worth of laundry for five days because I don’t want to pack it all up and haul it three blocks. I hate laundry. And I’m jealous of your washer.

  4. E says:

    No you cannot have the matching dryer. Our NEW dryer works just fine.

  5. lalaland13 says:

    Sarrible, I also hate hauling the laundry down to my apartment’s laundry room all the way on the other side of the complex. Thankfully, it is not three blocks away. But people can be so rude. Once I took someone’s stuff out of the dryer so I could put my wet clothes in and keep them from molding. When I came back a few minutes later I had a note: “Please don’t touch my sh*t.” Star included. Well, move your sh*t. It doesn’t thrill me when people throw my dry laundry on top of the dryer, but that’s what I get for not clearing it out sooner.

    OK, end laundry rant. Suz, I am jealous of your new machine. Are you, like Dooce and her husband, going to have sex with it and forgive each other for the adultery because it was so good?

  6. bebehblog says:

    But Honey, it’s not a NEW dryer, just new-ISH. AND IT DOESN’T MATCH.

    Lala – Sadly, my machine isn’t nearly as sexy as Dooce’s or even as fancy as Erniebufflo’s, but it is pretty hot. I wouldn’t say no if it asked to make out.

  7. FourInchHeels says:

    Awww c’mon E – the woman grew your child (your heir, your namesake, your security in old age!), hauled him around for nine months, and I’d argue the least you can do in return is let her have a delightful matching set. Think of it as sexy lingerie for the house. It’s more exciting to start when it’s in a matching set.

  8. bellegourmande says:

    OK, how horrible is it going to be if I have to go down three flights of stairs to do all the laundry this kid is apparently going to produce? Please be honest! We just moved into this building and I didn’t give it that much consideration when looking at apartments that we might want a unit in our actual space instead of on the ground floor. Also, we have no elevator. It seems that people with babies do laundry once a day, anyone have other experiences? Thanks!

  9. bebehblog says:

    Belle – It certainly won’t kill you but I would invest in a really good baby wearing device and a laundry bag/basket you can carry while the baby is attached to you. The good news is baby laundry is small, and if you have lots of outfits and a baby that doesn’t throw up every goddamn second (unlike mine), you can get away with a wash load every other day. But don’t put it off too long, there’s like a 48 hour window before the smell starts to seep into your walls.

  10. Erin says:

    @Belle — I think that it won’t be so bad on normal days….BUT on the days that the baby poops out the sides and back of his/her diaper, through the onsie, jammies and all over their crib sheet, and then kicks the poop all over the changing pad cover while you try to clean it up, then pukes on your bedsheets while you clean up the changing table (this is NOT an unreasonable scenario)…then it will really suck!!!

  11. h_a_l says:

    Long before I got pregnant we got a Bosch Axxis washing machine, because we only had laundry in the creepy gross, moldy basement of our building. We’re not supposed to have a machine in our unit as per our co-op’s house rules but we decided to rebel. I’m so glad we did because I couldn’t imagine going up and down the steps with laundry and baby all the time.I’m also scared of the laundromats in my ‘hood (hello, bedbugs not killed in a cold water wash cycle) We don’t have a dryer but we do have a laundry line out our bedroom window, which makes me feel like an official Brooklynite as I hang my stuff out and chat with the woman who lives in the building behind ours.

    @Erin: I have so been there, also, when the poop squishes out the babies clothing onto YOU as you carry them to the changing table.

  12. Brigid Keely says:

    I was crazy surprised when we did laundry at the laundromat because our clothing came out… brighter, somehow! And fresher smelling! And… soft and not stiff! It turns out that every single one of the washers in the laundry room at our old apartment weren’t actually, you know, WASHING OUR CLOTHING.

    We have our washer hooked up at our new place, but it sometimes randomly leaks oil into the basket and thus all over the clothing… including the set of white “guest” sheets I’ve managed to keep crisp and pristine for over three years (primarily by not sleeping on them myself).

    It gets poop out, and even washed out stains that had been laundered multiple times in the old, crappy washers. It is BLISS even with the random oil leaks. BLISS IS SAY.

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